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SOL Post 36 07/15/99
SOL Post 35 06/15/99
SOL Post 34 05/15/99



S.O.L. POST


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Volume 35 - http://www.mindspring.com/~mstanon/ - June 1999
Formerly The MSTies Anonymous Newsletter: News for the Obscure Convergence
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SOLD!


In This Issue


From the Poobah
"My First Post" by dragonfly_227@hotmail.com
"Jenny For Your Thoughts" by S364128@urgrgcc.edu
"Better 'Bots and Satellites" by bgibron@yahoo.com
June MSTie of the Month: JRW78@aol.com
MST3K Trivia Winners
July MST3K Schedule on SFC
Classifieds 3000
Disclaimers



From the Poobah


Now that I'm done with high school and moving on to Colorado State U., I've got some big things in store for MSTies Anonymous. Keep an eye out over the next few for the product of many weeks' worth -- or years' worth -- of planning and preparation. You'll like what you see. Do I guarantee it? I guarantee it.
On a side note, I find it rather disturbing that the number of submissions to the SOL Post has dropped in recent months. Clearly, this newsletter does not write itself and we can't let Gibron take the full load with "Better 'Bots and Satellites". So I call upon all of you members to write in with your articles regarding any aspect of MST3K during this dark time. Let your voice be heard before the voices in the theater are silenced! And afterwards, of course. MSTies Anonymous and the SOL Post aren't going to end anytime soon.



"My First Post" by dragonfly_227@hotmail.com


This being almost the end of our favorite (or favourite, depending on where you're from) show, we need to look back and laugh, cry, maybe even eat. I'm getting kind of hungry. (Goes to the fridge, gets out a sammich.) Okay, better. Let's start with Season 1 on CC (since I never saw the KTMA years, I hope you'll forgive me!). The only one I saw was 106 Crawling Hand. Watching it after all of my time spent watching Seasons 8 & 9, it seemed kind of... lame. But still funny. Season 2: episode of choice, 209 Hellcats. That whole Family Ties thing was hilarious! I cannot remember anything else. I was five! Don't look at me that way... Oh, forget it. I'm trying to make a successful first post and it's just so hard! If only the gods of comedy would look down on me and give me a sign, a hand, a topic, anything! How about this: Alien Baby Born in Branson?! How's that? No? Okay. I'll try again next time.



"Jenny For Your Thoughts" by S364128@urgrgcc.edu


Hey, everyone. Before we get started with this month's column, I want give big HI-KEEBA to Kassi. She is the only one who responded to last month's column in which I asked people what they've done to help save MST3K. Here's what she said:


"Hi there! I went to three local universities -- Duke, NCSU, and UNC Chapel Hill -- and tacked up SAVE MST3K posters of my own design all over anything vertical that would take staples or tape. I also scanned in my posters and put them on my website so other people could put them up wherever, but I don't think anyone has. If you'd like to see them, they're here: http://www.mindspring.com/~kassi/mst3k/. I did my part! MST3K forever! :)"


Well thanks, Kassi, and big Hi-Keeba to you. Next time I hope to get more letters so I give out more Hi-Keebas! Well, on to this month's column.


As most of you know, the MST3K prop auction going on at eBay. Though I would love most of the stuff being sold, I unfortunately can't afford any of it. I did have hard time finding some of the stuff being sold, but now that's been taken care of with a seller search. But now some of those items are getting to be really expensive! I didn't realize people wanted some items so badly.


Okay, I admit that there are some things I'm not trying to bid for because of the price, but I really do want them. I mean, I would have no clue what to do with a giant ball that says "Mystery Science Theater 3000". I hope no one out there thinks I'm any less of a MSTie just because of that. It's just that I have no room for it. Also, some of the bids are getting incredibly high. Sometimes I'm happy that the Brains are selling more then one prop so at least I have a chance at something. I just hope that no one person buys a ton of stuff and outbids me.


Anyways, I'm still waiting for some items to go on sale. I would love the "Time and Space" sign from the beginning of show and the cardboard cut-outs of Mike and the 'Bots from 907 Hobgoblins. (I would prefer to have Mike, but I would take either of the 'Bots too.) I've called dibs on all these things. So don't outbid me. The "T&S" sign would signify that my room is somewhere in time and space. The cardboard cut-outs of Mike and the 'Bots would sit on my couch with me or in my bedroom. What would you do with your MST3K stuff? Anything special or just have it to look at? Use your imagination; don't limit yourself to current props on auction. Write me about that or if you helped to save MST3K in any way at S364128@urgrgcc.edu.



"Better 'Bots and Satellites" by bgibron@yahoo.com


Vol. 1 Issue 11
MST2K: Is this gonna be a standup fight, or another bug hunt?


In six months, it all ends. With the mere passage of 180 days, we will all be infected with and affected by it. It may creep upon us like a thief in the night. However, after this criminal's visit, you may wish for the reincarnation of Torquemada and the return of the iron maiden as a means of handing out justice. It may overwhelm you like a tooth fairy on triple time, leaving you toothless and gummed, mouth full of bad odor as your sugar-rotted roots get a first time airing out... It may wander in, like the fog, on little cat's feet. However, when those festering felines are gone, all they will leave behind is litter and fecal matter. It may blow in like a lion and out like a lamb, but that king of the jungle will be the cockeyed and incontinent one from "Daktari" and the lamb will smell of the mutton and broth served in the Borden household the day Lizzy decided to invent the 19th Century version of the Lilt Home Permanent with the wood ax. As you sleep, as you drive, as you drink, debauch and detoxify, it will strike. And when it does, pray you have the number of your friendly neighborhood PASCAL user.
For, you see, when the binary clock inside your motherboard careens over from 23:59:59.12.31.99 to 24:00:00.01.01.00 there will be a whole lotta crashing going on. A biblical plague of binomial insects will be unleashed into your memory, ripping through your collection of downloaded faux celebrity porn and erasing every illegal MP3 of the Starland Vocal Band you ever spent 4 hours (and 6 re-connects) obtaining. This scourge will be so unholy that, compared to it, Ramses will snicker at the so-called 'wrath' of the God of Moses. For him, a well-placed Shell No Pest Strip would have sufficed. Locusts will be jealous, and demand a better deal, complete with signing bonus, upfront fees, and tickets to "VH-1's Divas Live".
For out of the cyberpunkian ooze, crawling forth across the technological terrain and burrowing its dear tick like head into everything you hold close to your modem, is this new gnat, this modern mosquito, this bizarre baneful beetle. For you see, on the inaugural bright and sunny morning of the 21st Century, the Year 2000 bug will rear its binary thorax and discombobulate your whatsit in its thingamajigger. A globe of businessmen will wail, a collective of leaders will beseech a higher power, and legions of Star Wars fans will utter a group shriek as their 'We Hate Jar Jar Binks' Chat Room shuts down for 6.25 seconds. Yes, it will mean the end. The end of all that we have come to cherish in the late 90's; the nameless, faceless, number based social order in which legal tender takes the shape of hologram-encrusted Platinum cards (careening ever closer to their mathematical, economical and moral limit); the cold, heartless suburban landscape in which neighbors don't speak to each other face to face, but rather interface to interface as they unknowingly IM one another, usually with wardrobe oriented issues; and the vacant-faced children, plugged in, V.90 connected and ready to peer into those secret, subverted visualizations that only the synapses of Francis Bacon and Virginia Graham were privy to previously.
Y2K, as it has been so accronistically called, is bound to set the world -- 1st through 3rd, inclusive on its proverbial gudgeon. However, "Better 'Bots and Satellites" is here to provide you with a survival guide to this new infestation, to furnish you with the important factors to be aware of when this pesky pest fest crawls under your mainframe epidermis and gives you ringworm. In researching the various episode 'files' of the MST catalogue, a glimpse of the dreaded 'Theater 3000 Bug' (T3K, in its abbreviated form. Not to be confused with TDK, the makers of grade-F video and audio tape that always manages to fold, spindle and mutilate just as that long lost episode of the "Higgins Boys and Gruber" is aired for the final time, or "Tek War", which is confusing in and of itself) has been unveiled. With the aid of 4 films, 313 Earth vs. the Spider, 517 Beginning of the End, 810 Giant Spider Invasion and 804 Deadly Mantis we can pinpoint the 10 T3K factors that may provide sustenance during our analytical aridity. (Unless this is all just a bad practical joke that Bill Gates implemented over one too many Tom Collins.) We can use these visions of the past to prepare for the future now. Or see here what happened then to predict what will occur there. Perhaps we are merely wasting today on yesterday for a hopeless tomorrow. Makes about as much sense as Christopher Lloyd's space-time continuum analysis in "Back to The Future Part II".
#1 - The Perry Mason Factor
If there is one thing that links all of these disparate films together, it is their direct tie to one Raymond Burr. Once the apple of every old ladies eye, he has long since shuffled off this mortal coil and escaped the ephemeral closet once and for all. It's fun now to ponder which would be more puzzling to a viewer in the 1950's; the fact that their slick, well-groomed and broody leading man was actually a mincing and prancing fairy, or that he starred in the American version of "Godzilla". Either way, there were some questionable lifestyle choices being made by counsel for the defense. Still, within the cast and guest star list of an average Masonic episode, the cast for our T3K films can be found.
In "Deadly Mantis", William Hopper takes on the challenge of Pentagon-level entomology and a name like Nedrick. As Paul Drake, he offered Perry the kind of support and friendship that only a court paid private dick could provide. In "Deadly Mantis", he contributes implausible theory after miscalculated hypothesis as he attempts to explain how a 80-foot giant praying mantis from the stone age could still be alive today. After arguing that Siberian Eskimos may have lied when they said they found dead Mastodons a few years back (?), he postulates all out of proportion about the realities of Cro-Magnon cryogenics.
But at least he is dressed with some sort of flair and pinnace. Poor Della Street (the mother of the "Greatest American Hero", Barbara Katt, I mean Hale) stomps around in single beige pantsuit, ill-fitting and embroidered with the ruins of ancient Indian burial rites across the shoulder blades. With hair resembling a hyperactive whisk broom and acting to match, she wanders around the Wisconsin locale of "Giant Spider Invasion" as if she caught Perry in a Speedo spanking a bunny suit clad Hamilton Burger.
And what about Peter Graves, you ask. Didn't he guest star in that one "Perry Mason" when the limp wristed litigator actually lost his one and only case? Maybe, I'm not sure, I was never a fan of the show. Still, the star of "Beginning of the End" did once do a Biography episode on the Burrmeister, skipping the whole homosexual issue in favor of an insight that he was just "gassy a great deal" on the set. The cast of "Earth vs. the Spider"? I think they did a "Mannix" once.
#2 - The Inept Peace Officer Factor
Another constant in the T3K world is the chilly realization that, when trouble rears its ugly head in the guise of an oversized killer insect, the authority figures paid to serve and protect us will basically end up wetting themselves a lot. In "Giant Spider Invasion" is it Alan "I used to be the Skipper but now I have a hard time finding my little buddy" Hale Jr. who convinces us that NWA had a valid point when they chanted 'F*** the Police'! Using his post-Island belly as a feebly type of equilibrium, he consistently chats on the phone and underestimates the intelligence of everyone around him. Not that he is working with a veritable brain trust, mind you, but when you are one-upped by a guy named Dutch, its time to hang up the spurs and OD on Carter's Little Liver Pills.
Still, compared to this castaway, the military men of "Beginning of the End" and "Deadly Mantis" seem like the clones of Doctor Dorkenstein. These big, bulky dullards with guns and prickly heat run amock throughout the countryside declaring martial law randomly and vicariously. They forcibly round up citizens and dates for the USO show featuring Lola Falana. Towns and bowels are coercively evacuated. Fey officers with overfrosted coiffeurs dance and prance around like a Royal Lipazzoner Stallion hopelessly lost in the shuffle of bureaucratic red tape, under trained enlisted troops and revivals of "Flower Drum Song".
Or what about the human pheasant who they call an official of 'NASSAU' in "Giant Spider Invasion"? If a member of the federal government ever wanted to know why the entire country thinks he or she is nothing more than irritated, intoxicated and aberrant, they need look no further than this turkey neck in search of a gobbler. Here is a human whom is more quail than male, a NASA middle manager more middle than manager. And just what expertise does he bring to the mix, what wondrous insight does he offer on how to stop the giant spiders. Try anything seems to be his motto, as long as it involves highballs and the occasional roll on and over Barbara Hale.
#3 - The Scientific Foul-Up Factor
Be reminded that no arthropod apocalypse can occur without a few scientists blundering along for the ride. After all, if we have giant bugs, someone had to screw up somewhere. In the case of "Beginning of the End", Master Mausoleum was messing with some nuclear stuff, highly technical and all, and he growed up some wonder vegetables. Super squash. Oversized okra. Big & Tall Man's Jerusalem Artichokes. And before you can say "radioactive vegetable soups on", grasshoppers made like uninvited guests at a wine tasting and partook of one too many parsnips. Bingo! Instant Movie Monster. The atom also has a lot to answer for in "Earth vs. the Spider", as the extensive nuclear testing just down the road from our quaint little everytown USA has caused otherwise common wood spiders to grow and mutate into massive process shots of tarantulas. Hang around a while, and you should be able to see a brown squirrel magically transform into digital recreation of the Andrea Doria.
In the case of "Deadly Mantis", it's a nuclear bomb that functions as the 300 million year late wake up call. As eon after eon of pristine glacier melts away, the entire credit sequence turns into a Swanson's Hungry Caveman dinner left out to thaw a little too long. And out from the soggy wreckage climbs the incredibly massive melted mantis. After this aquatic afterbirth, who could blame it for a little rampaging. In the case of "Giant Spider Invasion", it's a dwarf black hole like pulsating quasar that functions as a doorway to another dimension, or easy access to Jake's Beer Barn, one of the two. Out of it is expelled hundreds of goat turd sized galaxian gallstones which hatch (?), providing the minion of tiny followers for the Volkswagen Octobeetle to follow.
#4 - The She-Male Reporter Factor
For your approval, the prosecution offers the following three, unequivicable examples. Let them be listed as exhibit A, B, and C:
(A) "Beginning of the End"; Audrey Ames - a female with all the womanly grace and presence of a strip miner. She makes Lawrence Tierney look dainty and delicate. Determined to continue her streak of covering each and every worldwide event that involves either the total destruction/bloody death of the human race or the issue of body hair on females, Audry spends a lot of time emasculating her editor via a high tech rotary car phone and searching for a man who will match her, monobrowy monobrow. After working her virile ways around, under, over and through the very definition of military intelligence, she gives up and slinks out on her own with all the charm and curvaciousness of John Popper.
(B) "Deadly Mantis"; Marge Blain - another in the infamous quasi-genteel category of human sexuality, thrusting her curiosity, and torpedo bra-ed pseudo bosom into everyone and everything. She works for the same museum that Drake's Devil Dog does, except instead of poking and prodding at old fossils, she's looking to marry one. When our pathetic paleontologist is called to the Arctic military bases to review the carnage and queasiness of a bunch of cooped up soldiers, our Miss Mister tags along, 14 piece Samsonite luggage and a lot of repressed sexual issues in tow. Once in the Great Blight North, she encounters something she never experienced before; the lustful desires of literally dozens of frost bitten, snow blind, military style Otter Pops. These men react to the sight of a vaguely female visage with the standard set of eye pops, uninviting come-ons, and enough cat and wolf calls to make Tailhook look like a meeting of He-man Woman Haters Club.
(C) "Giant Spider Invasion": Dave Perkins, a young man, or at least we are told he is a man. It is very difficult to tell, what with his Lee Grant, "Shampoo"-era shag haircut and thin hipped gait. His voice is so high it must have used David Crosby's liver as a anti-depressant. Reporting for the local paper, he spends a great deal of time confirming what many of the townsfolk believe about their lives, to wit, the earth is flat, the revolutionary war is still going on, and that Lincoln is a wonderful president.
#5 - The Atomic Factor
Remember all of this is that horrible atom's fault. The post-nuclear scapegoat of almost every 1950's problem from bed wetting to wife swapping, our submicroscopic nemesis is routinely put down by a bunch of free thinking liberal Hippywood beatnik types who would like nothing more than to see their 'comrades' totally brainwash the good God fearing populace of our free Republic. Jesus, Mary and Joseph Stalin. Within the course of what passes for dialog in these cinematic corrosions, it is made very clear that while it was just hunky dory to use a scientifically accelerated nucleus for its skin peeling and eye melting effects on the enemy, the names of these lively electrons are not in the casserole dish when the rest of the food chain is called to dinner.
#6 - The Country Fried Rube Factor
Dan Kester is a farmer with a drunk wife, a half English speaking mistress, a tainted meat ranch and an unhealthy obsession with his stepdaughters backside and his elaborate series of trusses. Living the life that only a soiled pair of long-johns can provide, he spends his days in insults, his nights in infidelity and his thoughts in incest. When "Giant Spider Invasion" occurs, he is more worried about the killing he is about to make in industrial grade diamonds with his grimy drifter of a brother than the killing of all his cattle, or the killing of the townsfolk.
In "Earth vs. the Spider", it is a high school rock combo that reminds us exactly of how to put the 'hick' back into schtick. This rural equivalent of Freddy and the Dreamers feels that the best way to express oneself musically is to make like a sphincter and expel. As hands slap basses slap bongos slap keyboards slap faces, an atonal death march plays out as goofy faced dirt farmhands twitch and tick like a severely shell shocked war veteran. When the giant spider, who was sitting in with the boys on mellotron, rises from his coma and proceeds to recreate the bass solo from Cream's "Strange Brew", its enough to send this poor dumb country boys heading for the hills. At least they are smarter than the backwater berg of Ludlow, Illinois. For them, those violin strains in the night were truly "Beginning of the End".
#7 - The Slut Factor
There is nothing wrong with being of loose virtue. Sure, men may cat call and taunt you, and women shun and discredit you, but when Saturday night rolls around, you always seem to have someplace to go, even if it is into the backseat of Earl's leaky Saab. In the guise of the girdle loving kept woman of "Giant Spider Invasion", the sexually repressed and ready to explode heroine, Carol, of "Earth vs. the Spider", or the drooling and leering boys of company seed in "Deadly Mantis", a carnal wanderlust is always gladly received as the world comes to an infested end. Even the grasshoppers of "Beginning of the End" are aptly named. The minute that old Wavy Gravesy makes like Gary Numan and Keith Emerson at a Casio keyboard sale, creating irritating and maddening electronic noise that pre-dates Prodigy by 40 years and would make Aphex Twins blush, our randy little crop wreckers are ready to give up, and get, the bootay!
#8 - The Failed First Attempt Factor
Guns. guns do not work. They have no affect on the super-sized pest. Since bugs tend to wear their skeletons on the outside (much to the chagrin of fashion mavens in Milan and Paris) lead-cased munitions do nothing more than cause a few scratches and dents, substantially lowering your insects resale value.
Airplanes. Unless they are armed with the latest novel by Danielle Steele, an aerial assault will have little effect on the vital signs of vermin. Even those stealth-type planes are no match for mother nature's own bomber squadron. No jet jockey in a poopy suit and explosive ejector seat can challenge those bugs with the blight stuff. You can bomb them, rocket them to the crypt and back and still they will come out smelling like an midge covered rose. It is only when they fly coach that these intrepid insects are faced with an immovable force they cannot contend with. Unless they get the emergency exit row, there is just not enough 8 leg room for them.
Gas. Apparently has absolutely no affect. Once upon a time DDT was science's cure-all to nature's occasional flare-ups. Leave it to a few birth defects and malignant melanomas to ruin it for everyone. Spoiled sports. However, limited success has been found with the vaporous aftermath of a Taco Hell Bean Burrito Supreme all night gorge-a-thon.
Pep Rallies. Really, who in their right mind ever thought this would work? Just because you gather a group together (see factor #9) doesn't mean you will have any adverse effect on an insect enemy. And chanting at them does absolutely nothing. I mean, really... "2, 4, 6 8, who should we obliterate?" "We got segments, yes we do. We got segments, how 'bout you?" Totally absurd!
#9 - The Mob Mentality Factor
Death and taxes are not the only certains in the world. Giant insects and mobs seems to go just as well and permanently together as that yearly legal larceny by the government and the cessation of all life functions. Just don't expect these posses to be more than fodder for the arthropod salad bar. Careening precariously between Heaven and Shell, shovels and pick axes at the ready, they seem more capable of some weekend warrior spelunking than fighting off enormous pests. And all it takes is one beer-bellied casualty, blood pouring from a dozen open wounds produced by mutated mandibles and a pall is cast over this whole 'throng' business. Still, where there's a pony keg and a distorted dung beetle, a sweaty and winded crowd cannot be far behind.
#10 - The "X" Factor
As a final thought, consider the following, uncategorizable factors, either individually or as a collective whole; the deaf mute in "Beginning of the End" whose version of sign language looks more like Curly Howard explaining his painting technique. The fudge filled gnome hat that passes for an insect claw spur in "Deadly Mantis". The monster's demise in "Giant Spider Invasion". It's not everyday you see a spider erupt into a Technicolor volcano of ice cream and syrup, a lot like those tacky mega sundaes they serve at places like Daisy's Dairy Dominion, or Frozen Custard's Last Stand. Leave it to those cheddar loving cholesterol shelters to find a way to convert a dying spider into a soft serve center. Or that tacky Tijuana trinket so coveted by the femme fatale of "Earth vs. the Spider", a piece of costume jewelry so seeming efficacious that it make her return time and time again to the big bad bug's trampoline/web/castnet.
Within these 10 factors, these 10 cruddy contingencies, these 10 nostrodominal predilections, we view what might just happen post "Dick Clark's New Years Rockin' Eve". Yet, unlike the scenarios mentioned here, all is not doom and gloom for the next thousand years. So what if your laptop freezes up and you never quite get your Sim City to work. Big deal that you can't fax, collate, reroute and uplink from your home office. BFD if you can't ICQ your PAL so you can LOL. Think of what you can do. You can read a book. You can take a long, comforting walk in nature. You can relearn the lost art of conversation. You can crawl out of your ergonomically correct Swedish computer chair, away from your wrist support, your Windows 2000 ready keyboard and wireless mouse and actually move your leaden legs out into the real world. Out into life itself. No more eye strain. No more back aches. No more repetitive stress disorder from the mindless clacking of keys or the zombie-like right button double-click. You will be part of the human race, for once in your cloistered and guarded half-life. You will be alive. That is, of course, until the giant mutated aphids attack your spleen. Hey, movies can't always be wrong.



June MSTie of the Month: JRW78@aol.com


Name: jasoN.
Date of Birth: 06/16/78
Nicknames: J (by close friends) and Steiger (only if i *really* like you ;).
Favorite Thing To Do on a Weekend: Hang out, relax.
Favorite Season: Early Spring and early Fall.
Favorite Color: Blue.
Favorite Type of Clothes: Jeans & t-shirt. (Is there anything else?)
Favorite Stores: Young Ones!
Favorite Movies: Right now... "Life is Beautiful".
Favorite TV shows: MST3K!
Favorite Food: Subway, chease steaks, pizza, anything Weis Quality.
Favorite Music Group/Song: Ozzy (always)!
Favorite Song: Gamma Ray "Valley of the Kings".
Favorite CD: Of all time? Metallica "Master of Puppets".
Favorite Drink: Mt. Dew, Gatorade.
Boy's Names: Erik.
Girl's Names: Karen.
Video Game: Final Fantasy VII.
Favorite Candy: Jelly Beans (especially Starburst).
Favorite Car: A CHEAP one.
Favorite Website: http://members.xoom.com/jrw78 (shameless plug).
Favorite Letter: "P."
Favorite Number: Honestly don't have one.
Favorite Board Game: Don't play 'em.
Favorite Time of Day: Sunrise & sunset.
Favorite Day of Week: Tuesday. (Why not?)
Favorite Cologne/Purfume: None really.


Sports
What Sports Do You Play: Basketball (from time to time).
Favorite Sports: Basketball.
Sports To Watch: Football.
Male Professional Athlete: Don't care.
Female Professional Athlete: Still don't care.


People
Best Friend: Carrie.
People You Like the Least: Whiggers, assholes, and people who smell like they sleep curled up in an ashtray.
Buddies To Chat With Online: Okewl, Pam, Andrea, Joann, and the #Deep13 crew.
Your Crush: If you don't already know, then you don't need to know.
Last Person You Went Out With: Heh.
Best Person You Went Out With: See above.
Turn Ons: Sweet and cute.
Turn Offs: Bitchiness (hehe).
What You Look For in the Opposite Sex: A sweet nature and cute.
Best Girl To Talk To With Problems: Andrea and Joann.
Best Guy To Talk To With Problems: None really... Maybe Loc.
Best Student You Know: LOL!
Person You Most Feel Sorry For: Myself... J/K. Probably Loc.
Your Role Model: Bill Bender. (Seriously? I have no role model.)
What You Like About People: Originality.
What You Don't Like About People: Stupidity.
What You Look For in a Friend: Someone who knows how to have fun, and has a good ear.
Popular People You Know That Act Like They're Not: Beats the hell out of me.
Funniest: You mean in actuality, or in their own little worlds? =)
Most Serious: Nobody I know... really.
Biggest Egoes: I'm an art major... I can't narrow down the list.
Most Artistic: Ryan. (The jerk! =)
Biggest Flirts: Don't really know.
Best Couple: Don't really know.
Shiest Person: Myself. (Don't laugh.) Nah, I dunno.
Wildest Person: Once again, how can I narrow down the list?
Annoying Qualities of a Person: Annoying, grouchy.


Favorites
Day or Night: Night.
Top or Bottom: Hehehe.
TV or Movie Theater: Movie theater. (Of course!)
Water or Soda: Soda.
Beach or Pool: ool. (Notice there's no "P" in my pool.)
Right or Left: Left.
Weekday or Weekend: Weekday.
1 Pillow or 2 Pillows: 2.
Bed or Couch: Bed, with nice fresh sheets.
Friday or Saturday: Friday.
Calm or Wild: Calm.
Rain or Shine: Shine.
Men or Women: Women.


Do You Think You're...
Nice: I always try to be.
Good Friend: Always.
Mean: Rare... When deserved to whom deserves it.
You Reget Doing Anything: Yes.
Annoying To People: I hope not, but I think everyone is at times.
Ticklish: A little.
Outgoing: Only when I want to be, but it's an effort.
Shy: By nature.
Are You Glad It's Over: Hell yeah, too long...



MST3K Trivia Winners


Another three months, another Jeopardy!-esque MST3K Trivia winner. After a tight race between American MSTie MatthewDR and British MSTie Locdog07, MatthewDR pulled ahead in the final round by a mere 2400 points. For his efforts, he's awarded 106 Crawling Hand. Here's what he had to say...


"First off, I would like to say: I won! I won! Hi-Keeba! Now that that's done, I would like to thank our beloved Poobah, who will now be sending me that Rhino tape. I'd like to thank Erhardt and Sampo, who provide a gigantic wealth of information on the 'Satellite News' website. I'd like to thank my copy of the 'Amazing Colossal Episode Guide'. I'd like to thank my competitors, especially Locdog, without whom this game wouldn't have been any fun. You all deserve to win, too, and who knows, you probably will one of these months. Most of all, though, I'd like to thank all of the voices in my head for giving me all the answers.
"When this round of trivia first started, I was still a newbie both to the show and to 'MSTies Anonymous'. I really didn't think that I'd win it. I had no idea. Really, I didn't. I was just playing because it was fun, and I will continue to play in future rounds, even though I can't win again, for by winning this game I am no longer a newbie, but whatever comes after being a newbie. The game has been great fun, and I hope Anon continues it forever and ever and ever and ever and ever. I say: 'Give me my Jeopardy!-esque MST3K Trivia! And when it shall die, cut it into tiny pieces and sprinkle it across the night sky, so that all the Earth will fall in love with the night, and pay no heed to the hellish Sun. Amen.'
"And of course, thank you MST3K, for making us laugh at love... again."


Be sure to tune in next month for a brand-spankin' new game of Jeopardy!-esque MST3K Trivia and another chance to win the Rhino tape of your choice.



July MST3K Schedule on SFC


North America
{All times are Eastern and tentative}
07/03/99 - 11:00 am - [1009] Hamlet
07/04/99 - 11:00 pm - [0908] Touch of Satan
07/10/99 - 11:00 pm - [0910] Final Sacrifice
07/11/99 - 11:00 pm - [0911] Devil Fish
07/17/99 - 11:00 am - [0912] Screaming Skull
07/18/99 - 11:00 pm - [1010] It Lives By Night
07/24/99 - 11:00 am - [1010] It Lives By Night
07/25/99 - 11:00 pm - [1011] Horrors of Spider Island
07/31/99 - 11:00 am - [1011] Horrors of Spider Island


Europe and Africa
{All times are Greenwich and very tentative}
03/07/99 - 01.00 - [907] Hobgoblins
04/07/99 - 14.00 - [907] Hobgoblins
10/07/99 - 01.00 - [903] Pumaman
11/07/99 - 14.00 - [903] Pumaman
17/07/99 - 01.00 - [804] Deadly Mantis
18/07/99 - 14.00 - [804] Deadly Mantis
24/07/99 - 01.00 - [806] The Undead
25/07/99 - 14.00 - [806] The Undead
31/07/99 - 01.00 - [807] Terror from the Year 5000



Classifieds 3000


SammyBoy234@yahoo.com writes: "I'm putting together a 'Bot Building MST3K website and I need pics of peoples' 'Bots to post on my site. Send a pic of your 'Bot, your name, city and state to SammyBoy234@yahoo.com."


S364128@urgrgcc.edu writes: "I want mention a save MST3K petition that everyone should sign. Add your name, city, state, and e-mail address to the list at http://savemst3k.8m.com/Petition.html."



Disclaimers


All material written by club members in this publication does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the staff of MSTies Anonymous. Endorsement of above publicized activities not operated by MSTies Anonymous should not be implied. Published material is subject to editing only for spelling, grammar, clarity, and formatting; other changes are not made without express written consent of the author.


Mystery Science Theater 3000, its characters and situations are copyright 1999 Best Brains, Inc. This publication is not meant to infringe on any copyrights held by Best Brains, the Sci-Fi Channel, or their employees. "Gizmonics" and all related elements are copyright and trademark Joel Hodgson. This publication is not meant to infringe on any copyrights held by him, so please do not sue us.


MCMXCIX MSTies Anonymous
The Poobah
mstanon@msties.com
Jet Jaguar kret0419@blue.UnivNorthCo.edu
Zen Psycho zenpsycho@yahoo.com


"I have had it with this school! The low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children!"



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