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SOL Post 29 12/15/98
SOL Post 28 11/26/98
SOL Post 27 11/15/98


Volume 28 - http://www.mindspring.com/~mstanon/ - Turkey Day 1998
Formerly The MSTies Anonymous Newsletter: News for the Obscure Convergence


In This Issue

From the Poobah
"Jenny For Your Thoughts" by S364128@urgrgcc.edu
"Adam's Views and Observations" by adams@bozarth.net
"MSTable Movies" by RMichel424@aol.com
"The Poison Pen" by gherity@tcfreenet.org
"Gypsy Jr.'s Thanksgiving Story" by GypsyJr512@aol.com
"Article About Nothing" by jonas42@hotmail.com
"The Ultimate MST3K Marathon" by gizmonics@juno.com
Members' Turkey Day Plans
Classifieds 3000

From the Poobah

Before I discovered MST3K, the only thing I associated Thanksgiving with was watching annoying commercials for Copps Food Center while visiting relatives in Menominee, Michigan. But ever since I discovered the greatest show ever made, Turkey Day has been a day of the year on which I can escape the age-old familial obligations with my TV family and a dozen turkeys. This Turkey Day, join us as we arrange our very own MST marathons (for the second time in three years) and give the Best Brains the best of wishes with the future of MST3K on its Tenth Anniversary. So carve your turkey to the width of one electron, coat generously with Smuckers Jelly and stuffing or potatoes, then ease back into your favorite couch or recliner to commune with the darkness of the Mystery Science Theater.

thefox@nlamerica.com asks: "What??? No Turkey Day. What are the fools at SFC thinking? Once again my faith in humanity has been destroyed. Well at least Joel is coming back for the first episode."

robstgarten@snet.net asks: "What's with having no marathon this Turkey Day?! I was very distressed to hear this news... Hmmm, I hope SFC realizes their mistake soon! Or else..."

Bob Ishmael says: "I wasn't very surprised to learn the reason behind Sci-Fi's refusal to do a Turkey Day marathon.
"You see, the Sci-Fi executives had just done some crack cocaine and were suffering major hallucinations when one of them suggested "What if we refused to do a MST3K Turkey Day marathon this year?" They all cracked up laughing, and of course they were kidding.
"However, Harry the temp (who was recently hired) thought they were serious and passed a memo to the programming department. The memo basically trickled down until someone posted this to the Internet and Turkey Day was officially not going to be aired.
"It's far too late to fix this now, but you CAN do something. Write to Sci- Fi and get Harry the temp fired! Of course, by writing TO Harry. You won't get him fired. But, hey! That's not my problem."

"Jenny For Your Thoughts" by S364128@urgrgcc.edu

Hi everyone out there in computer land. Is everyone else sad or mad that there is no Turkey marathon? I'm angry about it. It means I'll have to actually talk to my (dun dun dun!) relatives! AHHHH! Instead of escaping to the basement and watching hour after hour of MST3K, I'll be forced to spend quality time with my family. (I'm kidding though. I love my family.)

But I thought I'd take time to reminisce about past MST3K Turkey Days and what happened during them. (These Turkey Days might be out of sequence. I can't remember what year it was, only that it happened. So if they're out of order, bite me!)

My first Turkey Day memory is getting my sister, Lindsey (who hates MST3K, I might mention) with rest of family to sign a contract. This contract said that she could do anything she wanted as long as she didn't touch the VCR while the MST3K marathon was going on. I think I ended up doing one her chores for the week. She did sign. I continued this tradition every Turkey Day. I think Lindsey only broke the contract once, but turned it off. She was mad it was taking up the VCR. But it was during commercial so I didn't miss a moment. She, on the other hand, was denied a second piece of pie. (Hey, there are valuable lessons in here.)

Next is when we had friends over. They brought a German exchange student over. I had taped almost the whole Turkey Day, so I could talk to them. While I ran up and down stairs to make sure my Turkey Day tape was still going my family explained what the heck a parody was. She didn't get concept of people making fun of something with humor. I remember setting my alarm at 3:00 am so I could switch tapes. My parents were very proud me for doing this and were surprised that I would get out bed at that hour. (Hey, When Jenny goes to bed she stays there until morning.) The next day when the guest was gone, I spent the rest of the day with turkey and MST3K.

My next memory was when Adam West was hosting. Though I wasn't surprised (let's face it, the man's phone hasn't been exactly ringing with parts for him to do), my parents were. I remember my Grandmother remarking "Oh, that Batman guy. I thought he was dead." I began to wonder during the marathon what the heck was Adam's deal. I also remember my mouth dropping when saw the teaser for 512 Mitchell because of Joel's departure.

The last Turkey Day I remember, Mr. B, Jack Perkins and slew of other came by Deep 13. I also remember this was year when I saw one of the first Commando Cody episodes. While I watched Cody downstairs my parent and sister upstairs watched "Billy Madison" with Adam Sandler. I remember going upstairs to the bathroom and telling my parents that I learned that according to the laws of physics, bumblebees can't fly. Then I asked them what they learned in their movie. They answered something about an imaginary penguin. (Please don't ask me.) I knew I made right decision by skipping that movie and watching MST3K. I also remember when the Poopie tape and MST Scrapbook were offered. I went upstairs and begged my folk for it for Christmas.

It's hard to say what will happen this Turkey Day. I've grown used to tricking my sister into my MST3K contract and running downstairs to watch the best show I know of. I've grown used to engulfing myself in turkey as I engulf myself in MST3K episodes. I've grown used to losing that Turkey Day weight by laughing my butt off at the riffs those 'Bots make. I guess I have to spend time with my folks and talk to them this year, which is what Thanksgiving is all about. Oh who am I kidding? I want my MST3K Turkey Day marathon! (If you have interesting or funny MST3K memories, please share them. S364128.)

"Adam's Views and Observations" by bozarth@adams.net

Most people should be familiar with the big hoopla with Thanksgivings and MST marathons. Tales of long ago when CC was desperate to jack up MST ratings by showing MST all weekend long with short bumpers. Instead of looking down on CC for exploiting their show, MSTies rang out, for they had a marathon. I, unfortunately, could not join the cries because of the handicap of not having CC. Oh well. The stories ring out.
The whole deal of a marathon for ratings, instead of praising the show, kind of smells fishy. But, what the hell, it's an event! We want another event! But, being the new guys at SFC, we have to wait in line or our lunch money gets stolen.
But MSTies have found their ways around Turkey Day not being on TV. Check the SFC IRC chat on Thanksgiving; a good friend of mine is throwing a Turkey Day Chat for all to come and chat about MST. And those who are not taking part in a chat or other online events, they throw their own Turkey Day marathon at home with their friends (if their friends are MSTies. In other cases, the friends are bound and gagged and force-fed MST).
So, what do you want to do this Thanksgiving? Choke back stuffing and cranberries or watch good ol' fashioned cheesy sci-fi, teen angst cinema, and horrible comedy with the cast of the Cow-Town Puppet Show quipping all the way? Hmm, what a toughie.

'Til next time Mouseketeers!
"Drugs suck." -Adam Bozarth

"MSTable Movies" by RMichel424@aol.com

Hey everyone! It is Thanksgiving. What better way to celebrate Turkey Day than bad movies about food (killer and as a backdrop) and a movie about a giant bird! I'm in college now, so not all the reviews will be written by me, since I don't get the chance to get out much. I will find decent reviews of the movies and then after the explanation is done give it my views on it.

Night of the Living Bread (1990)
This is not a full-length movie, but merely a parody, be it a bad one, of Night of the Living Dead. This was done just like the original movie, only with slices of bread as the enemy. A group of individuals are trapped in a house with hundreds of slices surrounding it. To simulate a bread attack, the crew is throwing slices of bread at the actors! Lame. Lame. LAME!

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1980)
This is the first installment of the four tomato films. This is by far one of the worst movies ever made. They finally kill the tomatoes by playing a song entitled "Puberty Love". It is sung by a youth in the dead middle of puberty. Ugh! Mike and the 'Bots will wish they were deaf after watching this stinkburger!

Return of the Killer Tomatoes (1988)
Here we learn who created the tomatoes of the first film. Dr. Gangrene plans to take over the world with tomatoes that can change form by playing different types of music. His female tomato runs away after saving a fuzzy tomato that later became FT. She falls in love with a human who works at a pizza joint. BTW, all tomatoes have been outlawed and can only be found on the black market. Pizzas now have a variety of things used as sauce. George Clooney plays the hero's best friend.

Killer Tomatoes Strike Back (1990)
Yet another tomato movie.

Killer Tomatoes Eat France (1991)
Part four of the Killer Tomato trilogy!

Good Burger (1997)
This is a horrible spawn of the ultimate evil known as Nickelodeon. Here is a summery from IMDb: "Ed is your normal (ahem) employee of fast food, more specifically the food chain "Good Burger". Ed causes a car wreck involving Dexter Reed and Dexter's teacher, Mr. Wheat. To pay off the debts on Wheat's car, Dexter gets a job at Mondo Burger, the new burger chain across the street from Good Burger. Fired before the grand opening, Dexter turns to Good Burger for cash. After the opening, the employees of Mondo Burger decide to have a bit more than friendly competition. Can Dexter and Ed stop Mondo Burger? More importantly, will Dexter stay tolerant of Ed before he goes totally insane?"
I have not seen this, but I have enough sense not to bother with this one. It was meant for viewing only by audiences ages 12 and under.

Giant Claw (1957)
Review from IMDb: "Fear and panic are the keywords of this film. At every opportunity the narration attempts to make the audience feel this, but the sight of a giant bird doesn't instill panic. The big bird eats airmen. A scientist tells us something about anti-matter and how it must exist. Then we have to jump the credibility gap to believe that this bird came from an anti- matter universe, and so it has a force field around it (?!). The physics make no sense and neither does the logic. The bird attacks all the major cities and so there is worldwide panic. 'Why?' one asks. Well one shouldn't ask. There is worldwide fear. Then martial law is declared around the world. Food and movement is controlled by the military, there is a curfew, and a range of other draconian measures. If people ignore these, the bird eats them. We then see what science is about, as Mitch attempts to develop a strange gun. He fails many times, in true science tradition, we are told. Panic spreads to all corners of the Earth. No one explains satisfactorily why there would be such panic. Not only panic but 'panic and nightmare terror'."
This one I have seen on TV a few times. It features the giant bird that looks lie a vulture after a beating with the ugly stick. If you look closely you can easily see the strings that hold the toy planes up. This would become a classic MST3K episode.

"The Poison Pen" by gherity@tcfreenet.org

Darn it, I got nothing to say this week of any importance... wait... yeah I do, It's about how Sci-Fi is neglecting us, AGAIN! By not giving us what we want, and that's TURKEY DAY!!! Now, Sci-Fi was nice enough, picking up MST3K for us and all, but they don't know how we MSTies like our 3K, and they don't know how we like it! I think it's about time for those corporate kiss-ups at Sci-Fi to get their acts straight! I say, e-mail those boys, and tell them what the bottom line is! GIVE US TURKEYS, OR GIVE US STATIC!

Got a beef to share? E-mail it to me, and get it in the next SOL POST! This column is for YOU, the disenchanted MSTie, who can't stand it any more! MSTies, THE POISON PEN GOT YOUR HOOK UP!

"Gypsy Jr.'s Thanksgiving Story" by GypsyJr512@aol.com

Come MSTies, gather around and I'll tell you a tale... the tale of how a Thanksgiving gone bad started a lifelong obsession, and how my 5th MSTie anniversary is rapidly approaching.

The date: Thanksgiving, 1993. My mom was in the hospital, my Thanksgiving repast consisted of a ham and cheese sandwich and I was feeling pretty darn lousy. After consuming my meager meal, I turned to my primary source of solace... TV. I channel-surfed onto some cable comedy channel ;^) and lo and behold, what did I see but Joel and the 'Bots riffing merrily on "Magic Voyage of Sinbad." And the rest, as they say, is history. I was cheered up and my life was changed forever. Thank you MST3K, for making me laugh when I need it the most. Good night, and may God bless.

"Article About Nothing" by jonas42@hotmail.com

Ten years. I want everyone to think about that. This show has been running since Reagan was president, has seen wars come and go, survived the vice- presidency of Dan Quayle, has seen countless Steve Gutenburg movies be released and fail, and saw the unfortunate success of the later Batman films and Jim Carrey. It has weathered it all and still remains one of the best shows on television. You have to ask yourself, how many shows have lasted ten years? How many 2-hour shows have lasted ten years? How many shows that have lost their stars lasted ten years? How many shows that have been cancelled by one network and revived by another lasted ten years? Mystery Science Theater 3000. Won't you?

"The Ultimate MST3K Marathon" by gizmonics@juno.com

Now I would like to take a moment to say how pleased I am to see Mystery Science Theater 3000 go on to see its tenth cable season and a return of the once-dead Frank and once-rocket-propelled-to-afar Joel. Here's to ten more (and hopefully at least ten more after that) years of the greatest television show ever created.

Let's hope we shall never have to say "goodbye" to something we can bond with like Mystery Science Theater. The show would live on forever, though. There would be fan-made episode uprisings (undoubtedly) and plenty of MSTings. But these would pale in comparison to the Best Brains Production that we all love. Thank you, MST3K.

P.S. Didn't Leonard Maltin give MST3K: The Movie 2 1/2 stars? So how come his review (in the '99 book) now says 3 stars? Do you suppose he raised his opinion of it after being on the show? (In "Gorgo" he held up his '98 book, implying he wasn't done with '99 yet.) I think that would be a very good assumption. He now says the running commentary was "hilarious at times" but that the host segments paled a bit in comparison to that of "the original series as created by comedian Joel Hodgson." Any insight? Or did he say 3 stars to begin with and I'm just retarded?

Members' Turkey Day Plans

GypsyJr512@aol.com: "I have no idea of the times when I'll watch these, depends on when I eat dinner and whether my parents kick me off the TV to watch the Macy's Parade again." :^P
MORNING: The Classics
416 Fire Maidens Of Outer Space
303 Pod People
512 Mitchell
604 Zombie Nightmare
DINNER BREAK (Yeah I know... We eat early. :^) )
801 Revenge of the Creature
802 Leech Woman
817 Horror of Party Beach
818 Devil Doll
809 I Was A Teenage Werewolf
904 Werewolf

WBUFFALO13@aol.com: "My perfect schedule for Turkey Day marathon (Yeah I know there's a lot)..."
424 Manos: the Hands of Fate
303 Pod People
512 Mitchell
301 Cave Dwellers
416 Fire Maidens of Outer Space
619 Red Zone Cuba
706 Laserblast
MST3K: The Movie
803 Mole People
810 Giant Spider Invasion
819 Invasion of the Neptune Men
907 Hobgoblins
912 Screaming Skull (Only 'cause of Gumby.)

hhanks@loki.berry.edu: "Here's a marathon of Joel episodes. (I actually showed most of these on my college cable service over 2 different weekends.)"
301 Cave Dwellers
303 Pod People
306 Time of the Apes
309 Amazing Colossal Man
320 The Unearthly
321 Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
418 Attack of the the Eye Creatures
422 Day the Earth Froze
424 Manos: the Hands of Fate
502 Hercules
504 Secret Agent Super Dragon
506 Eegah!
507 I Accuse My Parents
508 Operation Double 007
511 Gunslinger
512 Mitchell
"And here's a marathon of Mike episodes."
513 Brain that Wouldn't Die
518 Atomic Brain
521 Santa Claus
602 Invasion USA
606 Creeping Terror
608 Code Name: Diamond Head
611 Last of the Wild Horses
619 Red Zone Cuba
622 Angels' Revenge
624 Samson vs. the Vampire Women
701T Night of the Blood Beast
706 Laserblast
MST3K: The Movie
801 Revenge of the Creature
804 Deadly Mantis
806 The Undead
811 Parts: the Clonus Horror
813 Jack Frost
816 Prince of Space
820 Space Mutiny
904 Werewolf
907 Hobgoblins
910 Final Sacrifice
"You will find that these are the best of the best MST3K episodes, so if you have all of them or only some of them, you can't go wrong with this 10th Anniversary Thanksgiving marathon. It's best of course, if you see them in this chronological order too. Enjoy and hi-keeba!"

BadAmish@aol.com: "Here's my personalized marathon. I'll start off bright and early with a helping of 814 Riding With Death (all that turkey talk will get me in the Turkey Day mood). Then I'll move on to 601 Girls Town and 523 Village of the Giants. After a break (to eat dinner and chill with the relatives), I'll pop in 406 Attack of the Giant Leeches and my personal favorite, 303 Pod People. To get myself into the holiday spirit, I'll finish off with a triple blast of 813 Jack Frost, 521 Santa Claus, and 321 Santa Claus Conquers the Martians."

palpatine@hotmail.com: "This is my Turkey Day marathon schedule. Most of my tapes are from the Sci-Fi era so I put together this SFC-only schedule that might be useful to newer fans."
Making of MST3K
811 Parts: the Clonus Horror
801 Revenge of the Creature
910 Final Sacrifice
1st Annual MST Summer Blockbuster Review
905 Deadly Bees
902 Phantom Planet
907 Hobgoblins

TServo81@aol.com: "Ahoy-ahoy! Well, since you asked for it, here is my own person MST3K marathon schedule. I highly doubt that I'll get to see all of them, but what the heck, right? I should note that I choose these because, well, they're the episodes that I have not yet seen (in full, at least). Makes sense, right? Anyway, without further ado..."
203 Jungle Goddess
206 Ring of Terror
208 Lost Continent
210 King Dinosaur
211 First Spaceship on Venus
301 Cave Dwellers
304 Gamera vs. Barugon
305 Stranded in Space
309 Amazing Colossal Man
313 Earth vs. the Spider
315 Teenage Caveman
317 Viking Women and the Sea Serpent
403 City Limits
405 Being from Another Planet
406 Attack of the Giant Leeches
409 Indestructible Man
413 Manhunt in Space
414 Tormented
417 Crash of the Moons
418 Attack of the the Eye Creatures
504 Secret Agent Super Dragon
507 I Accuse My Parents

06:00 am MST Scrapbook
07:00 am Academy of Robots Choice Awards Special
07:30 am 2nd Annual MST Summer Blockbuster Review
08:00 am 424 Manos: the Hands of Fate
10:00 am 404 Teenagers from Outer Space
"Noon Break. Catch yourself some 'Turkey Day Anime' and pop in a copy of either 'Kiki's Delivery Service' or 'Street Fighter II' or another fan fave (except Akira... too long to fit in here). Perhaps even series such as Pokémon, Sailor Moon (or not), Dragon Ball/DBZ, or even some Ranma if you like that stuff. A good hour-long suggestion for a dual-anime session: Riding Bean by Kenichi Sonoda. Good stuff. Or a Gunsmith Cats episode."
01:30 pm 1st Annual MST Summer Blockbuster Review
02:00 pm 910 Final Sacrifice
04:00 pm 811 Parts: the Clonus Horror
06:00 pm MST3K: The Movie (You've all seen this one before, I trust.)
08:00 pm 512 Mitchell (G'bye, Joel!)
10:00 pm 513 Brain that Wouldn't Die (Welcome to the club, Mike!)
"Midnight. As a midnight farewell, I choose 706 Laserblast as the final episode. Never seen it myself, but I hear it's a weiner, er... winner."

eag0356@megahertz.njit.edu: "On this most American of holidays, I suggest we be thankful for what good movies Hollywood has made and celebrate in a tradition befitting our nation: INSULT THE JAPANESE!!! I have nothing against them; it's just that making fun of American movies seems almost blasphemous on Thanksgiving. So what I'm gonna do is pop in a bunch of bad Japanese flicks: Godzilla, Gamera, and 816 Prince of Space, heck, even 909 Gorgo. (Yes I know this isn't a Japanese movie, but if you're willing to ignore the fact that it was made in England, it really IS a Japanese film.) I didn't make a list of movies, so just watch the ones you have. If you don't have any MSTed Japanese movies (although I doubt that's possible), just rent some from the video store, throw on a green (or red) jumpsuit, and bask in the glow of poorly made foreign films. It's fun for the whole family!"

bgibron@yahoo.com: "My own personal Turkey Day would consist of the following MST wonders: Mr. B Natural from 319 War of the Colossal Beast. That's it... I would watch Mr. B prance and flounce and terrorize our poor, musically challenged hero for 24 straight (?!?!) hours. At approximately 18 minutes... with or without Mentos Commercials from the old CC days... that would be 80 exact viewings. 80 high notes. 80 low notes. 80 sexual ambiguities. 80 rocking jazz/classical/pop/noise/industrial/trance trumpet solos. 80 scenes of horn shining. 80 scenes of youth frightening. 80 glorious minutes of cross- dressing, leg kicking, lip pursing, Buzz cutting laugh o' second riotousness. Try it, won't you? After huge helpings of lard laced bread stuffings and sugary sweet yams bursting to the seems with butter, nothing cleanses the physical and mental being more than Mr. B. A true emotional and digestive purgative. Happy peppy slappy holidays from BB&S!!!"

mstanon@msties.com: "Like many other MSTies, my Turkey Day '98 marathon will include one episode from each season in their numerical order to commemorate the Tenth Anniversary of MST3K..."
021 Legend of the Dinosaur
104 Women of the Prehistoric Planet
202 Sidehackers
301 Cave Dwellers
424 Manos: the Hands of Fate
512 Mitchell
620 Danger! Death Ray
MST3K: The Movie
705 Escape 2000
811 Parts: the Clonus Horror
910 Final Sacrifice

Classifieds 3000

Hquiej@aol.com writes: "There have been online radio telecasts. There have been online marriages. There have been online conventions. And now, I, MSTManos, present to you the first online awards ceremony! The Unofficial Turkey Day Chat on November 26th, 1998 will be held to present six Golden Gypsies awards, three of which the people voted for. It will be held on the irc.scifi.com server from 2-4 PM EST/11 AM-1 PM PST/7-9 PM GMT. The chat will open 30 minutes before the scheduled start. Also, we will be presenting the FAN OF THE YEAR award, which is a prestigious award won each year to only one online MSTie. Is it you? Come see and find out for yourself! Note: For the latest info on this chat, please visit RATMM and check out for Turkey Day Chat posts. It'll be live, dawg! Live!"


All material written by club members in this publication does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the staff of MSTies Anonymous. Endorsement of above publicized activities not operated by MSTies Anonymous should not be implied. Published material is subject to editing only for spelling, grammar, clarity, and formatting; other changes are not made without express written consent of the author.

Mystery Science Theater 3000, its characters and situations are copyright 1998 Best Brains, Inc. This publication is not meant to infringe on any copyrights held by Best Brains, the Sci-Fi Channel, or their employees. "Gizmonics" and all related elements are copyright and trademark Joel Hodgson. This publication is not meant to infringe on any copyrights held by him, so please do not sue us.

© MCMXCVIII MSTies Anonymous
The Poobah
Jet Jaguar kret0419@blue.UnivNorthCo.edu
Zen Psycho zenpsycho@yahoo.com

"It looked just like Fresh Step!"

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