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SOL Post 27 11/15/98
SOL Post 26 10/15/98
SOL Post 25 09/15/98


Volume 26 - http://www.mindspring.com/~mstanon/ - October 1998
Formerly The MSTies Anonymous Newsletter: News for the Obscure Convergence


In This Issue

From the Associate Editor
"Let Me Tell You About the She-Creature" by skypilot@ezaccess.net
"The Poison Pen" by gherity@tcfreenet.org
"I'm Back!" by allison@bellatlantic.net
"Adam's Views and Observations" by adams@bozarth.net
"MSTable Movies" by RMichel424@aol.com
"Jenny For Your Thoughts" by S364128@urgrgcc.edu
"Better 'Bots and Satellites" by bgribron@yahoo.com
"To Celebrate or Critique MST3K" by Ingeborg@apsci.com
October MSTie of the Month: SZeitz3426@aol.com
MST3K Trivia Winners
November MST3K Schedule on SFC
Classifieds 3000

From the Associate Editor

Hello. It's me again, your, um... your friendly neighborhood psychopath. Does this fit? No? Good. Anyway, I'm so excited about what will happen at the beginning of Season 10; I can hardly stand still long enough to type this. I'll make it quick.
This month brings about a new part of the newsletter, entitled "Letters." In this section, the staff answers questions from you, the readers. That is, if you send us questions to answer. We need questions. You need answers. It's a two-way deal. Nice, huh?
Okay, now I tell you about Season 10, in case you were among the minute minority that didn't know about it. In episode 1001, who should make a guest appearance but... JOEL AND FRANK! Now, back to your regularly scheduled newsletter, without me butting in. Isn't that the way it should be?

ishboo1@hotmail.com asks: "In the episode called 903 Pumaman, who is the person that they modeled a head of? I would write the name, but I don't feel like finding the tape. Thanx a lot!"

MSTAnon: "I do not fear death, it brings me no sorrow... Roger Whitaker won't be on MST tomorrow."

KytchnSync@aol.com asks: "Hi! I just started watching MST3K a few weeks ago and it's now my favorite show! My friend and I were wondering, is Mike Nelson married? (Oh yeah, we're females. Go figure...) If you know, please reply, if you don't, that's great too! Thanks! ~Candice."

BobIshmael: "No, in fact he's not. He can't. While in Tibet with his meditation group, Mike joined a group of Monks and took a vow of celibacy. There is also a humorous story about that. In the March 1989 issue of GQ, Mike was nominated "Bachelor of the Year." Since Mike had taken this vow in '76, he wasn't about to break it just yet. To make a boring story short, Mike had many an unwanted call from the ladies. He later sued GQ for $2.8 million."

BGibron: "OK, first to figure. I will assume that you are asking the question because Mike is (a) sexy, (b) funny, (c) rich and famous (d) one of the original members of Menudo. Have I figured correctly? Second, to answer the inquiry. Time to stand vigil at the crest of Lovers' Leap ladies, because Mike Nelson is indeed a member of the Ball and Chain Brigade. He is even a papa (or a pupa, I always get those 2 things mixed up). It is rather common knowledge that Mr. Nelson is legally and emotionally betrothed to another. But what is not readily known is that he is married to fellow MST staff writer and featured player Bridget (Nuveena, Flavia) Jones. Bridget is famous among the writers as being the originator and prime supplier of "area" jokes. If you are not sure what we mean when we say "area," then perhaps your claims of femininity are suspect. So, sorry, Mike is married, but feel free to laugh along with him, even as you watch your dreams of passion and the limelight drift slowly into the cosmos."

BFoltz: "Married? You're joking, right? Why would Mike Nelson, one of the world's funniest men, be married? Is there some conspiracy afoot? Some new law that I should know about? What? Is that even legal? Be serious. Come on. That's just plain stupid. If he did that, I would just slit my wrists now. Ignore the above. He really is."

"Let me Tell you about the She-Creature..." by skypilot@ezaccess.net

Lately, the episode of MST3K I last saw was "The She-Creature" (1957). I had not seen the movie yet, but I knew it would be on the show. My source was the Internet Movie Database (us.imdb.com). I oddly looked forward to seeing it.
However my attitude changed. This really bent the line of plausibility.
It starts off with Doctor Carlo Lombardi and a woman named "Andrea" (which is odd, because all of the other characters have first AND last names), a failed act which "proved the existence of reincarnation" at a carnival. A while after, a number of mysterious deaths occur, who were enemies of the doctor. ...But what university would give a wacko like this a doctorate? And why? Something along the lines of a philosophical tone, I hope.
I knew from the start when I read the summary of the flick that some people of other religions would not enjoy the idea of "proving" reincarnation. But more on my mind was hoping that turning into the prehistoric creature (which was killing the victims) would be like the transformation in the '40s classic "The Wolf Man" from man to wolf. This wasn't the case. In lieu of such was Dr. Lombardi forced Andrea "out of her body and into that of a being of a past life." But, questions arose. Where did this body come from? Could it have been pieced together from mulch? In another spot of the movie he transported Andrea back to the 1600's, as a cockney woman. Why didn't her mind get flown to the body of this English girl? Another cop-out was a typical "progression of the successful act while we see a train going about with faded hands clapping. Crow riffed, "Raving reviews from an audience of... six!"
Of course nosy little snots get in the way and are quickly disposed of. But maybe a mite too quickly. They weren't given enough depth before they got bumped off. And one European stereotype was just annoying with his idiotic accent. When the guy was shocked, I think Servo even called, "Yeah, yeah, Yumpin' Yiminy, we know."
As the movie dwindled in time, Andrea learned to resist Lombardi's power. This became more confusing. True, he had a harder time controlling her, but she eventually gave in. What does that tell you? Nothing, really. Then the final appearance of the creature was coming on. He/she/it mortally wounds Carlo and goes to kill the hero.
Carlo wakes, bloody. This was an incredibly stupid bloody, as Servo cried, "Ugh... I knew I shouldn't have eaten all that chocolate." He casts a spell to return Andrea's mind, and he dies. Andrea wakes up from the spell, which I can understand. But how can the creature be controlled by her mind if it's already in Andrea? It returned to the sea, but wouldn't it drop dead?
This ends typically as "The End...?" I certainly hope it was... but not before a remake of the movie exactly a decade later called "The Creature of Destruction."
No movie ever deserved to be roughly riffed like this one.
Hopefully next time from me: The Brady Bunch Movie... and its sequel!
Until next time,
-Ian Pugh-

"The Poison Pen" by gherity@tcfreenet.org

This Issue's rant: What's up with the SOL?
This isn't a rant, more of an out-loud wish... Ever since SCI-FI (the most inept and anal people around) started carrying MST3K, something has always happened to where I'd miss the show! I mean, I'm out living a rather social life (outside MST3K) and I ALWAYS MISS the show! I was a faithful viewer back when it was on Saturday mornings on Comedy Central (or maybe Sunday morning, I don't know...) And no, before you say it, I'm one of the few primitives who DON'T have A VCR! Now, if Sci-Fi would get a hint, and instead of putting it on so late (11:00 was it Saturday nights?) or so odd of a time (6:00) I'd actually watch! So, if Sci-Fi would be SO kind, and to move MST3K to let's say... 11:00 am Sunday mornings? Would that be so hard? (And stop censoring my Anime!!! I NEED MY FIX!!!)
First Rave: I'd like to give a shout out to the Minnesota Vikings! (5-0 Baby!) Also I'd like to give a shout out to all those who stood by the most insane and opinionated member of the MSTAnon clique. Thanks for the backup! And to Clinton: Party on, dude!

"I'm Back!" by alisson@bellatlantic.net

Hi-Keeba folks!!! Well, I'm back! After 2 years of moving / graduating / getting back on the Internet, the first Internet member of MSTAnon is BACK! Oye vay, it's been hectic. If y'all don't know me, (which you probably don't. I haven't been in touch in 2 years! Most of you probably JOINED since then) I'm Alisson, MSTie junkie, and Joel lover. :P (Come on, my fiancé's name is Joel too!) I joined up in June of '96, and I've been fan of the month 1 time since then. :-P The month I JOINED obviously. :-) Also known as the Trekkie of the bunch, I've been into MSTie for about 4 years now, GOD has it been that long? Sorry MSTies, but I missed the Electric Bugaloo. :-( It was either that, or a new computer, which I NEEDED. So I'm MAJORLY bummed about that. My parents just didn't understand.
Let's see... I'm getting married in May of '99, so things are looking great! Actually, if it weren't for MSTAnon, I wouldn't have found the nice chatting places for awhile! He introduced me to WBS, and there I found mIRC, and there... I found my fiancée. :P We met in Feb. '97, and we reside in PA now, Pittsburgh area.
I finally got my Internet back, and surfed and surfed till I found the Anon page again. :P Finally got back in touch with MSTAnon, and here I am! A final note: "To the Barenaked Ladies (my favorite band): The whole damn "One Week" song, which I can finally SING! And it took me 2 weeks of listening to it 30 times a day! (Nah, it took me 2 days... heh.)"
Oh poopie!

"Adam's Views and Observations" by bozarth@adams.net

Hatred and Comedy Central

Most people should be familiar with the big fiasco about Comedy Central canceling MST. Many outraged and distraught. Though there was light at the end of this dark tunnel-in the shape of Saturn. Yep, good old Sci-Fi Channel bought MST to call their own. Yet for some, the pain of cancellation still lingered on. But why? Isn't it better MST is on SFC? More viewers, especially the Brits (yes, YOU, Locdog) were introduced to MST and ratings rose. Heck, if MST didn't get cancelled, I'd still be watching Saturday Night Live.
And if the people aren't mad about cancellation, they're mad at Comedy Central for being Comedy Central. After a trip to Springfield and watching CC for a while, I realized that CC is actually pretty good. Yes, I LIKE Comedy Central. Unfortunately, beauty is barely perfect. The one big scar on the beauty of CC is "South Park."
Yep, I hate "South Park." It wasn't always like this. I really liked "South Park," but the glow soon wore off. Why? Because all the hype over one show, every scene from every show on anything imaginable, and (living in a town without CC) the people who know nothing about the show, but still quote the show, even though horribly off from the real dialogue.
That's how I stand on the hatred issue. Let's recap!
Cancellation = Not mad.
Comedy Central = Not mad.
South Park = I'd rather be skinned alive and rolled in salt.
I'm not sure how you stand, and, frankly, I don't care. Although, the next time you mistake, or mention, Kenny or Cartman, I'm gonna hurt you BAD.
Stinger: n. (sting-er) a short, amusing clip of a movie featured on the cult-classic Mystery Science Theater 3000.

"MSTable Movies" by RMichel424@aol.com

It is once again time for MSTable Movies. This time it's giant bugs month:
Skeeter (1993)
It's attack of the giant mosquitoes! Bigger, better, stronger mosquitoes thanks to toxic waste. Really bad and hard to watch. Main character is a small town cop and his Indian partner. This film is a straight to video movie. I give this film a rating of D+.
Empire of the Ants (1977)
This time it is giant ants! They are made possible thanks again to toxic waste. The ants attack a group of people on a tour of a future housing site on a small island. I give this film a C-.
Ticks (1993)
Giant tick thanks to steroids in their water supply this time. A group of troubled teens and their adult supervision. This is a really lame movie. I nearly fell asleep twice! I give this film an F.
Ants (1977)
This killer ant movie has tons of ants attacking guests at a hotel. Many famous people appear in the film. I bet they wish they hadn't signed on. Famous faces included Suzanne Sommers, Brian Dennehy, and Barry Van Dyke to name a few. I have yet to see this film, but it sounds really bad!
The Nest (1988)
This time it is killer cockroaches, big ones too. They attack a small island community. This time it is a scientific experiment gone wrong. Do we honestly need better cockroaches? Are they ones we have now too weak? In one scene, I swear this is true, as the local diner chef is killing them with a spatula and throwing them in the microwave, the radio plays "La Cucaracha." This is so bad it gets an F+. The plus is for effort.

"Jenny For Your Thoughts" by S364128@urgrgcc.edu

Okay, before I start I want everyone to take the time to thank God that Joel and Frank are making guest appearances. (Which is something I will cover next month. But since there are no new episodes or Turkey Day specials I feel no need to rush. If you have heard any rumors, have any guesses or ideas what Joel and Frank are going to do send them to S364128@urgrgcc.edu.)
Now on with this month's article. In my dorm we are decorating for a haunted house for Halloween. It got me thinking how cool and scary an MST3K haunted house would be. Here are my ideas. You start in during the first season by being greeted by Dr. Erhardt (Forrester's first assistant), who tells you be careful for Dr. F may shoot you in space. Freak out as the Mole People chase you out of the room. Look out for Torgo who will try to paw at you. You can tell you're in the second season as you see TV's Frank walking around without his head. His head would be on a table yelling, "Look out because here comes Dr. F." But it's too late. Dr. F sees you going and shoots you into space. (Simulated by you going upstairs or something.)
Now you're on the SOL and you think you're safe but no! Joel has dressed the 'Bots as farm animals and thinks he is the Master. Scream as Timmy chases after you. You go into Tom Servo's messy room. Try not to become a part of the mess. Look out as underwear and boxes of Hamdingers attack you. Now you're in Season Six as you come out, but you're in a parallel universe. Dr. F and TV's Frank won't stop singing about Joey the Lemur. You see evil Mike on the TV screen. Run into and out of the theatre.
Now it's Season Eight and the 'Bots' clones are trying to make you one of them! Watch out for Pitch as he designs your ham. Race down the Umbilicus (going down stairs to the basement) and you're in the ape planet and mad. See the big bomb and race out of there just before it goes off. Now you're in the Observers' world and they're controlling Pearl and Bobo, telling them to kill you, with their minds! Run as Mike destroys that planet also. Beware of the Space Children and Roman people as they try to get you.
Now you're in Castle Forrester. You should be careful that Pearl doesn't see you on the couch. Brain Guy then shrinks you down as you go into another room. You can tell because everything is HUGE. Get back to regular size as you run out of the castle, and this is one haunted house you're glad to be out of.
What do you think, sirs?

"Better 'Bots and Satellites" by bgibron@yahoo.com

Vol. 1 Issue 3
Season of the Itch: It's Halloween, MST Style.

You sense it in the air, don't you? The crisp bite of the wind, the way it crawls down your lungs and calls up old memories of orchards, falling leaves and smoking chimneys. You can also see it in your mind's eye, the children running, moving down the street in packs, hopping from door to door as the twilight plays over the tops of the homes. The sky turns plum, and now you can hear it, the high pitched whine of voices as they call out "Trick or Treat." You smell the warm fatty scent of buttery caramel apples, dark delectable chocolates and sugary sweet candy corn.
Only now you remember that the cold wind froze the snot in your nose, forming tiny icebergs through which no air would pass. The piles of leaves always had slugs in them and were slimy and smelly. Those apples were filled with razor blades and the candy corn were really diet pills. And the children, oh the children. Those are truly the smells you remember, from the rotten egg reeking from your best friend's supply of tricks (or heaven forbid, his or her mouth!) to the distinct tang of urine produced by the local pee girl's Casper costume. Yeah, its Halloween, a holiday so hideous that even the Devil disowns it as being too commercial.
Still, you want to experience this time of year, and in a way that doesn't traumatize you or the loved ones around you. How, you may ask, can I have fun and yet remain true to the spirit of the ancient Druids who invented this feast day? Well, nothing spells horror better than the alphabet... or a movie. But what is that you say? I see the problem. You kept a copy of "My Best Friend's Wedding" for over 2 weeks just to have enough time to count all of Julia Robert's teeth and Blockbuster is demanding a huge cash settlement or they start taking body parts. Well, let Better 'Bots and Satellites lead you to an All Hallows Eve that you will never forget. There is no late fee or charge for not rewinding.
We start with the 1968 film "Planet of the Apes." A planet where apes evolved from men? You bet, and a cult phenomenon that developed into a full- blown sci-fi classic? EVEN BETTER. You all know the story by now. An astronaut named Taylor, played by the lower jaw of Mr. Charleton Heston, crash lands on a far off alien world, a planet where animals reign supreme and humans are naked, stupid and wallowing in their own filth. It turns out to be Earth about the year 3000, or the year 2000 after the Republicans win the Congress AND the White House. Who would have guessed? Captured by the simian population, he is studied, less for his abilities to speak and think, and more for his resistance to flinging his own poop. He is placed on trial for crimes against the Ape, and sent to the forbidden zone, otherwise known as Grandma's underpants. There he realizes his destiny, or his folly, or his humanity... something like that.
The simple pleasures of this movie are many and varied; Charleton Heston's method-ish acting, with it's rare combination of dignified elegance and incredibly cheesed off; the cultured and elegant accents of British thespians Maurice Evans and Roddy McDowell bleating foghorn like through hundreds of pound of fur and rubber; the buxom and silent Nova, a dark-haired lass, hand (or is that paw) picked by the apes to BREED with the lantern chinned Taylor, proving that even in the year 3000, women were expected to be barefoot and pregnant and mute.
But it is the wonderful script, filled with dialogue crafted by a pre- cancerous but post-Twilight Rod Serling that completes the package. With such stalwarts as "YOU CUT OUT HIS BRAIN!" "DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL" and of course the classic "TAKE YOUR STINKING PAWS OF ME YOU DAMN DIRTY APE," (which, if I am not mistaken, occurs whenever Nova touches Taylor) this film has been single- handedly responsible for more junior high school hallways being filled with bad impressions of the NRA'd one than Soylent Green and Omega Man combined.
All this and more is TOTALLY missing from 306 Time of the Apes, a rip off of a copy of a duplication of an idea stolen, meant to mimic a premise created to ape (pun alert!!!) an original thought. Actually, a better title would be Time of the Asian Planet of the Japanese Cat-like Quasi-simian Creatures. By the way, what is it with the Japanese? They turn everything and anything into CATS!!! Monkeys, people, consumer goods, buildings? In the mind of most Asian designers, the universe possesses a latent FELINE quality that is just DYING to get out. (Rumor has it that Andrew Lloyd Weber refused to let his neo- classic feline bastard work play Kyoto, when the Japanese promoter asked for a last minute title change, more in line with the Eastern way of thinking. They wanted to call it All Creatures Great and Small.)
In Time of the Apes, we are again on Earth, albeit a world that mostly resembles a poorly constructed diorama. Pseudo-concrete structures sway, people freeze and unfreeze and actors struggle behind ill-fitting faces and odd-shaped bodies. And then they meet the Apes. There is the tiny Gremlinesque cat-ape, the ugly angry cat-apes and the scientific, intelligent cat-apes. Plot? People fall asleep, dream of cat-ape creatures and then awaken. In the middle, they follow the standard Japanese dramatic arch of capture and escape... factorial. No linear plot development here, just a serious of random images made to pass quickly in front of a high intensity lamp, merely suggesting movement and action. One hopes that at the end of Planet of the Apes, as Taylor bangs his fist into the sands of Earth and curses like Chris Rock, he is (a) hurling those epithets at Sandy Frank and (b) pummeling the last copy of Time of the Apes into oblivion.
The next feature on our list is 1975's Jaws, the classic man vs. shark vs. box-office story. Steven "Boy Genius, Man Industry, Human Bank Vault" Spielberg was only 25 when he took a best-selling book, a cast of virtual unknowns and a rickety fiberglass and balsa wood shark and made film history. From the opening solo attack to the closing explosion and final swim to safety, our virtuoso filmmaker rewrote the rules for the modern popcorn movie and the idle studio accountant. Jaws became synonymous with two things: money and money.
The story here is simple. Big mean nasty shark on a seafood diet (when he sees food, he eats it) terrorizes a small beach town reeking havoc on local law enforcement and the Chamber of Commerce. People die, blood flows, reservations are canceled! It is up to a wily fisherman, a nebbish oceanographer and a transplant sheriff to rid the waters of this menace, and make the town once again safe for tourist gouging. This film has it all! Beach party necking! Crabs on a dismembered corpse. Underwater heads without eyeballs. Old men in bathing caps! Obnoxious death-deserving children screaming in a Technicolor fountain of their own blood! Richard Dreyfus prior to the onset of self-importance and substance abuse bloat. Scars, scars and more scars. And Robert Shaw teaching Bela Lugosi a thing or two about acting with a mechanical, half-broken plastic sea creature.
If only 911 Devil Fish were half broken. Unfortunately, it feels more like a total cataclysmic shift in the very fabric of time and space. At least Jaws attempted to render a halfway recognizable and operational sea creature. In Devil Fish, we get a moving hors d'oeuvre from your average Italian restaurant spruced up by wires and tubes, photographed with such impressive optical effects as smoke, fog, obscuring objects, fingerprints on the lens and gauze filters made of real gauze, rendering it that much more impossible to see. We have intoxicated shirt and English-less actors who, while supposedly playing scientists, resemble more closely rejected models from a Jean Paul Gautier fashion show. We witness corporate greed, backstabbing and watch-giving.
The plot centers on a local beer drinking contest and a killer fish that... no wait, that's not it. Its really about the rise and fall of Colecovision as the standard in home entertainment... no, wait, that's not it either. Tell the truth, it is really a sordid little tale of a two-timing wife and the dull, offish computer hacker she loves, as he wreaks havoc from behind his Apple IIe... no, that's not it either. Basically, something is killing someone and vague quasi-intelligent Eurotrash is sent to investigate. About all they discover is a powerful thirst for alcohol and a shapeless, formless kind of love that makes one feel groggy and gritty.
In the end it turns out that the Devil Fish was built to be a sort of weapon, manufactured to exacting specification of blurriness and poorly realized in cut-rate Silly Putty. Yet so many questions remain unanswered. Just how did the Devil Fish work? Who built the first one? Who owns the patent rights? Was there an infomercial? (I must have missed it.) Does it make those wonderful onion appetizers like the restaurants serve? And what about the peculiarly cadenced, video game playing sexpot/spy/electrician? What did she have to do with the plot? The answers unfortunately are as clear as the shots of the monster itself.
But none of these films produce the kind of mind numbing terror as our last entry, Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer. Follow me on this one. We have the depraved story of a hostile, monotone loner, and his tagalong, childlike buddy. We have an innocent girl who wants to run from her family, and works a dead-end job in the service industry. Crimes of debauchery and brutality are committed again and again. The tone is oppressive and morbid. Dark, depraved ideas are explored. The strange bond between the older man and his "friend", and the even odder bond between the girl and "the loner" are revealed in a slow, methodical documentary style. We become acquainted with a varied and sundry assortment of hags, dregs and lowlifes. And we have Jack Elam as Jesse, the cockeyed village idiot... wait, no, that is 509 Girl in Lovers Lane. As a matter of fact, they are the same movie!!!
In Henry, we see what happens when men spend TOO much time together in a dank apartment drinking coffee and staring at each other. They just got to KILL something. Henry, the older, wiser loner knows everything there is to know about serial killing, body disposal and pest control. Apparently this is all he knows for otherwise he would recognize the completely unhinged quality of his friend Otis. Otis is a juvenile lout that leers at young boys and his own sister. He is a perturbed walking quirk, what with his drug dealing and unquenchable thirst for COLOR TV.
Into their so called 'life' walks, Becky, Otis' ex-stripper, cute as a button and ready to be victimized sister. She is leaving an abusive husband and family of incest to live with Henry and Otis. Talk about out of the frying pan and into the nuclear center of the Sun. It isn't long before she is making eyes at Henry, Otis is making eyes at her and every other breathing object and Henry is taking eyes from victims. In the end, Henry kills everyone, leaves them in garbage bags and suitcases along the highway, and heads to California where he takes a job as Head of Programming for Comedy Central.
Now, HOW is "The Girl in Lover's Lane" the same movie? Here's is how: In Girl, we see what happens when men spend TOO much time together in a dank boxcar drinking sterno and starring at each other. They just got to HURT something. Bix Dugan, the older, wiser loner knows everything there is to know about the drifter's life, disgruntled slouching and pinball. Apparently this is all he knows for otherwise he would recognize the completely unhinged quality of his friend Danny. Danny is an overbearing momma's boy that leers at elderly, crusty hookers and his own money roll. He is an ambulatory emotional tick, what with his hero worship and homo-erotic obsession with Bix.
Into their so called 'life' walks Carrie, the local diner owner's cute as a button and ready to be victimized daughter. She is leaving an abusive co- worker Jesse (played by Jack "No Means No" Elam) and family of ennui to be with Bix and Danny. Talk about out of the frying pan and into the cold lumpy gravy... It isn't long before she is making eyes at Bix, Danny is making eyes at Bix and every other walking social disease host and Jesse is making eyes at two differing focal points on the horizon.
In the end, Jesse kills Carrie, leaves her in Lovers Lane as a way of blaming Bix, and heads to California where he takes a job as Head of Programming for Comedy Central. No, wait... that's not how it ends... Bix is beaten, Jesse is beaten, Danny calls home and tells the bitter, distant family he just left a few days ago the great news, that his "friend" Bix is coming home with him to live. That, my friends, is sicker than ANYTHING that happens in Henry is.
So, as midnight approaches and all the ghouls and goblins of the dark begin to emerge and frolic, think back on all the grotesque, deformed, repulsive and horrendous sights you've seen. The tight disco pants and bogaboots of the human hero in Time of the Apes. The girdled bodice of the scheming wife in Devil Fish as she tries, and the key word here is tries to be seductive and sensual. Or, the geriatric hooker, prostrate and covered in bubbles, as she bathes her skanky hide and produces 'come hither' after 'come whither' look in The Girl in Lovers Lane. I guarantee that sleep will not come easy.

"To Celebrate or Critique MST3K" by Ingeborg@apsci.com

I've loved MST3K for as long as I can remember. Sadly, through the show's entire run at Comedy Central, I didn't have cable, but would delight whenever I would catch it at a friend's or something. Then, after seeing the movie in theaters and getting a hold of some of the older episodes, I became a hardcore fan. Now, MST3K is hands down my favorite show on television and I love it as much as ever. Am I so different than anyone who would read these words?
However, the more I get into the "fan-scene" of MST3K, I'm astonished how much people openly criticize and critique Best Brains and the show for being different, for trying new things and even for changing with the passage of time. Me, I have faith in the Brains. The show has changed tremendously since the KTMA days, but one thing has remained constant, it's always been funny. I mean, every episode I've ever seen has made me laugh out loud, at least once. It's a show that gets better each time you see an episode and appeals to people on all kinds of levels. Sure, some episodes aren't as funny as others, some gags are just stupid. However, the show has been going 10 years yet still remains fresh, funny and worth watching; when even the Simpsons are starting to seem stale, this is truly amazing.
The new characters/players of the Sci-Fi run are brilliant (hooray for Bill Corbett and Mary Jo Pehl!), with everyone else continuing to do a good job!
While Season 8's "travelling through time and space" thing certainly wasn't appreciated by all, I felt it was fun and over way too quickly- but hey, that's me. Season 9 has been really great too; Puma Man, Werewolf, Hobgoblins (almost rivals Manos, IMO) were all great and who isn't happy about seeing them do a Gumby short?! (More Gumby please!) Another thing that surprises me is the amount of concern and opposition I've read in this newsletter and elsewhere concerning the Brains' new show. Best Brains is getting the opportunity and resources to do something new, and people are upset? Sure, it is cutting into the making of more MST3K episodes, but I genuinely am giddy with anticipation to see what else those nuts come up with. I have no clue what they have up their sleeve, but I can't wait to find out. The fact that MST3K will be continuing despite work on a new project is fantastic, and something I think some fans are overlooking.
I don't mean to criticize the ideas and concerns of other MSTies, I mean, everyone has different tastes and a right to their own opinion. However, I think it's necessary to point out to people who love MST3K as much as me that we're quite lucky. The show has and continues to change and evolve, but it's going strong and remains very, very funny to watch. That's good enough for me and I'm eternally grateful they're working their butts off for us, the viewers. Thank you MST3K, for making us laugh at love, again.

October MSTie of the Month: SZeitz3426@aol.com

My name is Robby. I've been a MSTie since Season 6. I have all the Rhino videos. I am getting The CD. I have MST3K: TM on DVD. I am getting "Eegah!" on DVD when it comes out. I have 2 MST3K screensavers. I have an MST3K background. I have the Bite Me and BBI T-shirts. I have a Crow refrigerator magnet. I am MSTie #90505.

MST3K Trivia Winners

MSTAnon here. The old Triviamaster hath returned, my darling! Cambot, now known as Dream Traveller 1, recently recovered from a bout with cancer and is back out of the hospital. I'd like to extend a welcome back greeting to him as a driving force at MSTies Anonymous. If he would like it back, I'd be more than happy to return this section... Two Triviamasters on one staff? What are the odds?

#50 is going for a new trivia longevity record. Way to go, Servo T!
#53 was taken by Atog554, who knew that American International made "Foxy Brown." Thanks, Bozarth.
#54 has yet to be attempted by anyone. C'mon, answer Locdog's question!
#55 was also solved by Atog554. Hanna-Barbara did the SFX for 622.

November MST3K Schedule on SFC

North America
{All times are Eastern and tentative}
Date Time ### Episode
11/07/98 5:00 pm 814 Riding with Death
11/07/98 11:00 pm 814 Riding with Death
11/14/98 5:00 pm 816 Prince of Space
11/14/98 11:00 pm 816 Prince of Space
11/21/98 5:00 pm 820 Space Mutiny
11/21/98 11:00 pm 820 Space Mutiny
11/28/98 5:00 pm 821 Time Chasers
11/28/98 11:00 pm 821 Time Chasers

Europe and Africa
{All times are U.K. and tentative}
Date Time ### Episode
01/11/98 14.00 813 Jack Frost
07/11/98 24.00 907 Hobgoblins
08/11/98 14.00 907 Hobgoblins
14/11/98 24.00 TBA
15/11/98 14.00 TBA
21/11/98 24.00 804 Deadly Mantis
22/11/98 14.00 804 Deadly Mantis
28/11/98 24.00 806 The Undead
29/11/98 14.00 806 The Undead

Classifieds 3000

Booboo@daveworld.net writes: "Come on over to the Shrine of MST3K at http://homepage.dave-world.net/~booboo/MST3k.html. I've got news, links, sounds, and chat transcripts. Also, I run the Satellite of Love Web Ring. So, for all of you out there with pages dedicated to our favorite obsession, tune your crank to http://homepage.dave-world.net/~booboo/MST3kring.html and fill in the form!"

Ingeborg@apsci.com writes: "The 64 Source is a Nintendo 64 fan site (run by MSTies, no less) that fires back at the news of the video game industry much like Mike and the 'Bots quipping away at so many bad movies. It's not enough to report the news, we give you our take on it! Add our highly interactive mailbag, reviews, previews, the biggest N64 code/Gameshark archive on the Internet and mix in a little wackiness and you've got the "Satellite of Love" of the Nintendo 64 online world. So, if own a Nintendo 64, want to know more about the system or its games, or are just bored, check out the 64 Source at www.64source.com -and leave Robert Denby alone! Jobs currently available for dedicated Nintendo-loving writers, see site for details! Also, looking for episodes of Dragon Ball Z/GT JAPANESE television show (not the dubbed US version); Kids in the Hall and MST3K to purchase and/or trade. Contact Max Lake, Ingeborg@apsci.com."


All material written by club members in this publication does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the staff of MSTies Anonymous. Endorsement of above publicized activities not operated by MSTies Anonymous should not be implied. Published material is subject to editing only for spelling, grammar, clarity, and formatting; other changes are not made without express written consent of the author.

Mystery Science Theater 3000, its characters and situations are copyright 1998 Best Brains, Inc. This publication is not meant to infringe on any copyrights held by Best Brains, the Sci-Fi Channel, or their employees. "Gizmonics" and all related elements are copyright and trademark Joel Hodgson. This publication is not meant to infringe on any copyrights held by him, so please do not sue us.

© MCMXCVIII MSTies Anonymous
The Poobah
Jet Jaguar kret0419@blue.UnivNorthCo.edu
Zen Psycho Cool6000@juno.com

"Yeah, the Horror at Party Beach is Cindy's cheese dip."

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