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SOL Post 24 08/15/98
SOL Post 23 07/15/98
SOL Post 22 06/15/98


Volume 23 - http://www.mindspring.com/~mstanon/ - July 1998
Formerly The MSTies Anonymous Newsletter: News for the Obscure Convergence


In This Issue

From the Poobah
"The Deadly Mantis Gets Pinned" by InvisigothGypsy@starmail.com
"Should the Brains Create a New Series?" by servo65@hotmail.com
"MSTable Movies" by RMichel424@aol.com
"Jenny for Your Thoughts" by S364128@urgrgcc.edu
"A Farewell Tribute to MST3K..." by gizmonics@juno.com
"The Poison Pen" by gherity@tcfreenet.org
"Adam's Views and Observations" by bozarth@adams.net
"Snoop-Doggy-Doggyyyyyy" by hamdingr@theworks.com
July MSTie of the Month: bozarth@adams.net
MST3K Trivia Winners
August MST3K Schedule on SFC
Classifieds 3000

From the Poobah

Yes, it's the Attack of the Eleven-Headed Staff! What sounds like a movie that could be on MST will be working to create a bigger and better experience for you at our site. Already feeling the effects of new staff members is the Experiments section with TServo81's comprehensive coverage of 424 Manos: the Hands of Fate. Half of this month's round of Jeopardy!-esque MST3K Trivia was written by the new Triviamaster, Bozarth. Next month, you'll get the first newsletter by an Associate Editor, BFoltz, since the name change. Bigger staff, bigger site.
Did anyone else see "Quest of the Delta Knights" on SFC lately? Oh, it will be very ripe material for the Brains to dig their teeth into... It stars David Warner and David Warner of TMNT 2: Electric Bugaloo fame, as well as a kid who looks like the youngest member of Hanson. Huzzah, my butt...
Two people have requested that I mention the chat with Mike Nelson and Bill Corbett later this month on July 23rd. Point your IRC client to #auditorium on events.scifi.com at 7 pm Eastern to chat. I hope to see you all there!

"The Deadly Mantis Gets Pinned" by InvisigothGypsy@starmail.com

There are some things created for the simple purpose of torturing students. Not just *little* things like homework and tests, but *big* things, like having class picture day out on a muddy, windy football field. Or forcing students to write essays about other, equally boring essays. Or, worst of all, assigning a bug collection. Not just a regular bug collection, like picking up dead ladybugs and sticking them in your sock drawer until your mother finds them instead of that missing sock that the dryer ate. Noooo, this is an *arthropod* collection, which basically entails the following:
a.) 40 dead arthropods (i.e. insects, spiders, ticks, rolypolys, sand crabs and those really big grasshoppers that are the size of mice)
b.) 80 labels, two per arthropod, one for its common name and one for its scientific name, which always sounds like something out of a Looney Tunes cartoon (although I doubt Wile E. Coyote ever got called _Pseudococcus ralcolarice_)
c.) 40 note cards, one per arthropod, with a whole bunch of sciencey words on them
The arthropods (from here on out known as "bugs") have to be pinned to a board with the labels stuck under them and the note cards in a neat little stack. This makes for a lot of work. My dad suggested just throwing a bunch of bugs in a jar and telling my teacher to identify the critters herself if she's so dang interested. Sadly, I doubt that my teacher would like this. Not that I care whether she likes it or not. It's just that my grade sorta depends on it.
So I spent an hour of my Saturday morning singing old Green Day songs off- key while I stuck bugs to foam core and scrawled Latin on labels. My collection includes bugs like the True Katydid (as opposed to the katydid that's a horrible lie?), the Mealworm, and such diverse species as the Seven- spotted ladybug, the Nine-spotted ladybug, the Thirteen-spotted ladybug, and the Spotless Nine-spotted ladybug. As I bruised my fingers on pins as long as about three of the larger bugs, I wondered idly what my teacher would do if I dragged in the Deadly Mantis on a truck. Surely that would count for at least two *regular* bugs. Although I guess that's out anyway since there's no way I could find out its phylum.
After I finished pinning all the bugs, I tried to think of a way to add that little MST3K twist to my project. There's always *something* one can to MST even the most serious project. When I had to write a computer program in Visual Basic for a competition, I wrote it about MST3K. I even managed to work in a picture of Gypsy with a bottle of sunscreen in her mouth for my science fair project, which was about sand. Unfortunately, there aren't a whole lot of ways to mix bugs and robots. Unless I pin a model of Crow to my board, there isn't much I can do. Now that I have a piece of foam with forty dead things pinned on it to turn in, I guess I'll get a nice grade. Although next year, I'll have to do it all over again with *vertebrates*. It kinda makes you wonder what's next... a people collection?

"Should the Brains Create a New Series?" by servo65@hotmail.com

Everyone is excited because the Sci-Fi Channel has asked the people at Best Brains to create a new series. Everyone is assuming that the new series will be as funny as MST3K, be as unique as MST3K, and have a cast of characters as interesting and endearing as the characters on MST3K. While it is a possibility, I wouldn't bet on it.
First of all, has anyone seen Joel's second series, "The TV Wheel"? If you have, I'm sorry. It was an hour of bad sketch comedy, without so much as a single good line. I was almost embarrassed that I was watching it, and was certainly embarrassed on Joel's behalf for leaving MST3K to create the show. I don't blame HBO for not showing it. No wonder the show had only one episode. The new series could very well be another "TV Wheel."
Also everyone seems to be forgetting that this new series is the reason that this season and next season of MST are only 13 episodes long. This is so the Brains will have time to work on their new series. Already MST3K is suffering due to the new series.
More proof that the Brains should stay with what already established and loved by thousands of fans is Season Eight. They strayed from the old premise on Comedy Central and had the SOL traveling to other planets throughout time and space. The host segments in these episodes were usually stupid and not very funny. I also believe that the writing for the movie segments suffered due to increased emphasis on the host segments. Most of the movie segments of season eight were very weak, with the exception of a few such as "Prince of Space," "The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies," and "Horror at Party Beach." The Brains finally wised up and got rid of the planet-hopping premise in Season Nine and so far it has been on par with the wonderful Comedy Central episodes, while Season Eight was quite possibly the worst season of the series.
I do acknowledge that the new series could be as good or better than MST3K, but we must keep in mind the points that I have made above. If it were up to me, I wouldn't gamble away my MST for this new series.

"MSTable Movies" by RMichel424@aol.com

Time once again for my MST3K worthy film picks.

Freaked (1993)
TV star Ricky Coogin, played by Alex Winter AKA Bill of Bill and Ted fame, is sent to South America to promote a fertilizer for a company EES, Everything Except Shoes, with two of his friends. The stop to see a freak show and are kidnapped by the proprietor, played by Randy Quaid, and are turned into freaks and put on display. Quaid has planned to use Ricky to take over the world and turn everyone into monsters. Also stars the ugliest looking kid I have ever seen.

Legend of Gatorface (1996)
This is a really lame kid's film I've seen a couple of time on HBO. It stars a pair of middle school boys; one is fairly skinny the other is extremely fat with braces and thick glasses, on summer break. They live in a southern town smaller than Circle Pines! They are always pulling practical jokes. They learn from a weird guy who lives on the swamp about a half-man/ half gator. They decide to play a joke and scare people by dressing up as the creature. The acting the people do get scared is incredibly lame. This film is full of really stupid rednecks. Eventually the fat one scares the mayor's wife. The mayor calls in the National Guard or Army. The REAL Gatorface befriends the skinny kid. It just looks like a gator walking erect. He has to get his friend and the Army general's young daughter to help him let everyone know it was all a hoax to try and save the creatures life. This is a perfect film for them to bash.

"Jenny for Your Thoughts" by S364128@urgrgcc.edu

Well the 4th of July is coming and there is no showing of MST3K that week. Which is fine by me because I have to work and won't have any time to watch TV. But I was getting ready for the Fourth I reflected on "Hobgoblins," which is nothing more that horrible, cheap stab at "Gremlins" but with more sex. (There I said it and I would say again if needed.) Anyway I thought about what fantasy I would like those Hobgoblins to fulfil. (Without causing death of course.) And I would like to share a couple of them.
Now I'm not talking about those dirty, naughty fantasies that everyone has but my MST3K fantasies. (Sorry to disappoint the guys, but I didn't want to turn anyone on.) My main MST3K fantasy is actually to be on MST3K. I would appear as JP Forester, Pearl's niece. Though I would be considered the "white sheep" of the family because I don't want take over world and I'm not as evil as Pearl. (Get it? White sheep, black sheep.)
I would beat the crud out of the Brain Guy because I would think he was a mime. Bobo and I would get along because I know how to make a mean peanut butter and banana sandwich. Anyway I would then mess up or stop one of Pearl's plans to take over the world. Then I would be punished by Brain Guy, sending me up to watch the movie with Mike and 'Bots. Gypsy and I would hit off right away and become best buds. While that was going on, Mike and 'Bots would not know quite what do because an actual human female would be aboard the ship. Crow would cry out "Woman do exist! I finally have proof. I have to call the Enquirer or Mulder," then rush off. Tom would try to hit on me but fail miserably. The movie would be bad but I would riff though it. After the movie ends, Brain Guy would beam me back to the Castle.
My next MST3K fantasy would be writing for the show. Sitting and watching hours of TV and finally getting paid for it sounds great. I would love to know what really goes on in the writing room. The only problem would be me spilling everything on the 'Net. I would be the fly on the wall. Oh I could keep stuff like what going be new for Season 10 or big personal secrets to myself. But when comes to office gossip I love to hear it and I love to dish it. I would tell everything from favorite snack foods to which person keeps control of remote to if Joel or Frank stopped by. You know only stuff that obsessed MSTies like us want to know.
My last MST fantasy is kinda down to earth and I'm surprised it hasn't been fulfilled. It is that someone would respond when I post a question for everyone! That's right. I usually put up a question in these articles and I have NOT gotten a response back. I'll be glad to put up what others have said about what was talked about last month but noooooo. Are these questions being discussed in chat rooms I don't know about or what? It makes me wonder if anyone reads these things.
Sorry, I just need to vent. Anyway if you have any MST3K fantasy you would like to share, send it to my e-mail at S364128@urgrgcc.edu. Please make it clean; I don't want any fantasy like that one nerdy guy in red shorts. Oh, what the heck. Make them as raunchy as you want. If you want to share, who am I to say no?

"A Farewell Tribute to MST3K..." by gizmonics@juno.com

Even though MST3K will most likely never end, I propose the concept of a farewell tribute to the greatest show ever...
What would be the greatest way to say "farewell" to Mystery Science Theater 3000? I say, Sci-Fi begins an MST3K marathon leading up to the finale that shows ALL of the CC and Sci-Fi episodes (which would span several days and tick Twilight Zone-lovers off... "Hey, you GOT your flippin' marathon, alright?!") that have ever aired. On Sci-Fi, however, the special hour-long clip show preceding the finale plays all the old themes, excluding KTMA's, and the very BEST moments from the CC and Sci-Fi years. The show is given unlimited funding for just the one episode. The episode will have a short movie (without short, you'll see why...), with suspenseful host segments. The plot thickens as Pearl's, Bobo's, Observer's, Mike's, Servo's, Crow's, Gypsy's, and Cambot's fates are decided, in rather long host segments, for all of eternity by a mysterious judge... who turns out to be... Joel Robinson! After all the action is complete the show returns to the Gizmonics Institute where Joel was abducted, looping the series back to the beginning. Sci-Fi then plays, over the credits, the MST Love Theme one last time, as performed by the New York Philharmonic Orchestra.
Even though the show is technically OVER, Sci-Fi plays reruns forever. Thank you, MST3K....
But we'll never have to worry about it because the show will live forever anyway.

"The Poison Pen" by gherity@tcfreenet.org

Well, MST3K Blood still runs through my veins...

I've neglected my MST3K viewing due to an RPG campaign I'm in, but I did catch a repeat of Season 8, Sky Chief. You know, the one I almost resigned my membership over... But watching that episode showed me two things:

  1. Mike & the 'Bots WERE RIGHT! Somewhat... It was the fault of those dubbing the movie that smashed that movie apart from medium grade cheese to straight stinky Limburger!
  2. Americans are BUTCHERS!!!

Now just a little note to Mike and the 'Bots: Not all Japanese ARE PERVERTS! You need proof? Go to http://www.anipike.com to see proof!

"Adam's Views and Observations" by bozarth@adams.net

Hello friends! Maybe you remember a guy named Joel, not too different than you or me. Anyhoo, Joel created the Gizmonics Institute for a plot point. But when Joel left, Gizmonics left with him. But what about Deep 13? Or Crow? Or Tom? Or the SOL? Joel created these, why didn't they go? Joel wanted to move on and leave MST3K behind him, why did he take Gizmonics with them? I know it's his copyright, but aren't the 'Bots? I sure he didn't keep it just to name his web site after it. I guess he thought MST didn't need it, and they needed the rest to continue the show. Well, I'm sorry I blew up like that. Never mind.
By the by, did anyone notice Pearl had a white streak after the rocket crash in 906 Space Children? You can see it in 907 Hobgoblins.

"Snoop-Doggy-Doggyyyyyy" by hamdingr@theworks.com

My father got a dog for Father's Day.
Frankly, I don't understand why, he'll never be home long enough to take care of it.
But that's not the point. The point was that our family was nearly torn apart trying to think of a name.
Now, you must understand. I come from a family of eight.
Yes, I'm Mormon, now stop asking. Anyway, the MST3K fever hit seven of eight of us... Guess which one didn't quite catch on? Dad.
Anyway. So the whole family huddles around after we get this dog, and we tossed names to each other.
"Farley!" "Chewbacca!" "Buckley!" "Mmm-Bop!" "Zorkon-12 the Destructor!" "Space Dog!" "Particle Man!" "Bunny!" "Kitty!"
No one took each other seriously. You really can't in my family. But since this was DAD'S dog, so HE was going to name it.
"How about Scrappy?"
"Nice try, dear," said my mother.
"Hey, let's name it Servo!" one of the brave Yada kids (whose name is withheld to protect her identity) chided.
Hmmm. Servo.
I think I kinda liked the idea of naming the dog after anything from MST3K. I mean, other than the rare opportunity in this town to show my true MSTiness, I thought it would just be appropriate and way cool.
We bounced around some MST names for the poor pup, the most relevant being NummyMuffinCoocolButter. Of course, it didn't fly with Pops. So we called it a day and forgot about it for a while.
The next morning, I see this typed-up piece of paper that sat right next to my bowl of Froot Loops. Of course, Dad got all official about possible names. I must admit, he did come up with some cute ones, like Buckwheat and Caesar, so I put a little * by the ones I kinda liked. Then I added some names to the list, and when the morning was through, the list went around the whole family. The names Casey and Hobbes had the most stars by them.
"What?" my father protested. "I liked the name Ziggy!"
I wonder why no one starred that name.
For some odd reason, Dad didn't believe that the dog could ever be named Casey or Hobbes. I mean, majority rules, right? And he listed those names in the first place! So why did he still want to call it Ziggy or Bucko or Sparky, fer crying out loud!
I was still determined to throw in an MST name that didn't sound silly, that the family could take seriously, and that everyone could agree on. But we had one big hurdle. Dad.
The only way we could name the dog what we wanted was to offer him an offer he wanted for the past 2 months.
So Dad walked away with his 2-CD Beatles set and basically said "Name the dog Dumb-Idiot for all I care!"
We decided that Hobbes was more of a cat name than Casey was, and since we all couldn't 100% agree on a first name, he'd have a middle name.
We finally named it Casey.
Casey MITCHELL Yada.

July MSTie of the Month: bozarth@adams.net

I have the Amazing Colossal Episode Guide, both three packs, every movie but 513 Brain That Couldn't Die, and "Bite Me." T-shirt. I've met 2 MSTies that I did know watched MST3K through the shirt. I also got 1 person to watch it. I share my tapes with fellow MSTies. I think I'm a pretty sharing MSTie.

MST3K Trivia Winners

The current Jeopardy!-esque MST3K Trivia champ returns to clean up a bunch of regular questions. Remember to play the Jeopardy!-esque game before this round ends on the 31st...

#39 was answered by Atog554 because he recently won 513 Brain That Wouldn't Die. Matrebo's parallel dimension question was a bit confusing to some folks.
#40 from Dbowie13 asked about the total number of MST episodes and Atog554 was again quick to respond with 180.
#41 also got scooped up by Atog554. BFoltz asked about the hilarious diversion of cardboard cutouts that led to an escape attempt in 907 Hobgoblins.
#42 from Crowthers is amazingly still up for grabs.
#43 was easily answered by BFoltz, who knew about Beeper and Gypsum.
#44 got answered by Vornoff, who named the three 'Bots that couldn't talk in the pilot episode.
#45 also goes to BFoltz. Joel landed in the Australian Outback in episode 512.

August MST3K Schedule on SFC

(All times Eastern and tentative)
Date Time ### Episode
8/01 5:00 pm 901 Projected Man
8/01 11:00 pm 901 Projected Man
8/08 5:00 pm 911 Devil Fish
8/08 11:00 pm 911 Devil Fish
8/15 5:00 pm 902 Phantom Planet
8/15 11:00 pm 902 Phantom Planet
8/22 5:00 pm 912 Screaming Skull
8/22 11:00 pm 912 Screaming Skull
8/29 5:00 pm 903 Pumaman
8/29 11:00 pm 903 Pumaman

Classifieds 3000

kimthom@inland.net writes: "Hello fellow MSTies! Ever wonder how the 'Bots would work if they were real robots? 'How can Servo's arms work?' you may ask. My web site clears up all confusion on what the 'Bots' technology is like. I'm at http://members.tripod.com/~Camborg/index.html. It's still under construction, so don't say it sucks YET!"

gherity@tcfreenet.org writes: "Oh, don't forget my site! ^_^ http://tcfreenet.org/people/gherity/"


All material written by club members in this publication does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the staff of MSTies Anonymous. Endorsement of above publicized activities not operated by MSTies Anonymous should not be implied. Published material is subject to editing only for spelling, grammar, clarity, and formatting; other changes are not made without express written consent of the author.

Mystery Science Theater 3000, its characters and situations are copyright 1998 Best Brains, Inc. This publication is not meant to infringe on any copyrights held by Best Brains, the Sci-Fi Channel, or their employees. "Gizmonics" and all related elements are copyright and trademark Joel Hodgson. This publication is not meant to infringe on any copyrights held by him, so please do not sue us.

MCMXCVIII MSTies Anonymous
The Poobah
Jet Jaguar kret0419@blue.UnivNorthCo.edu
Zen Psycho Cool6000@juno.com

"Winged potatoes..."

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