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SOL Post 22 06/15/98
SOL Post 21 05/15/98
SOL Post 20 04/15/98




In This Issue

From the Poobah
"Mitchell on the Beauty of Color" by garonma@email.uc.edu
"My Idea for the Last Episode" by DctrMental@aol.com
"RMichel424's MSTable Movie Gallery" by RMichel424@aol.com
"Sex and Candy/I Love Kevin Murphy" by bozarth@adams.net
"MMMMMMMM" by jdzarnst@hilltop.ic.edu
"Jenny for Your Thoughts" by S364128@urgrgcc.edu
"The MSTical Tie" by astone@st1.wou.edu
May MSTie of the Month: DctrMental@aol.com
MST3K Trivia Winners
June MST3K Schedule on SFC
Classifieds 3000

From the Poobah

We all knew it was going to happen sooner or later. The good folks up at Best Brains, Incorporated will be developing a new series for the Sci-Fi Channel this summer. Sure, it means an end to the year-long seasons, but now we get to see what else has been bouncing around in the Brains' minds. Of course, the Brains already have the comedy behind the new series taken care of, but a new, creative concept is needed. Okay, I'm just speculating, but wouldn't it be great if good ol' Joel Hodgson created the new show just as he conceived MST2K? Absolutely. Would he star on the show? Absolutely not. And while the Brains are at it, they should give Trace, Frank, and Josh a call. Yeah, we all still want a reunion episode. Who knows? Castle Forrester on present-day Earth may just permit it. Or maybe the reunion will denote the series finale as Mstr Mental prophesizes below. Discuss amongst yourselves...
I'm so proud of my soon-to-be-completed Tom Servo replica! It should be completed within the next month or so. Expect pictures of it on the site once I'm done. Speaking of 'Bot building, it's good to see the Brains recognize the hobby, isn't it? I know I'll be picking up the t-shirt and guide... Oh, and be sure to post your 'Bot part and MST tape lists in the Members' Forum to get more trades going. Just e-mail me your lists with item stats or render it and send it to me. Moving on, now.
New to the site this past month are the new password system and guestbook, as well as "MST3K: The Comic" by Gizmonics. Be sure to check 'em out! The site really is all you make it, so keep sending in those lists, inventions, artworks, links, MIDIs, articles, columns, and ads. Oh, yeah! Here they are. Enjoy this month's edition of the SOL Post.

"Mitchell on the Beauty of Color" by garonma@email.uc.edu

Just to add some more fuel to the debate of which movies make the best MST's, I'd have to say that I lean more towards just about any of the ones that are in color. The early black and white ones are bad, granted. But sometimes the B&W movies are so bad that they get boring and Joel/Mike and the 'Bots are struggling to find anything funny in them. Just too much pain. When I watch a color episode the cheese shines through and the comments flow easier. This applies especially to the ones made in the 80's like "Space Mutiny" and "Pod People." The same thing keeps coming to mind: "They just should have known better!" We can look at Corman's movies and see a similar formula of human versus monster, good versus evil. Is it possible that people recently looked back on those movies and said, "Say, now that's good filmmaking. In the spirit of Ed Wood and stock footage, I'm going to make a sci-fi movie with film I ripped off from the Battlestar Gallactica set, glue some Tandy computers to the walls of a warehouse, and call it 'Space Mutiny.'" They just should have known better. Think of that, John Woo, and re-watch "Broken Arrow" the next time you feel the creative juices flowing.

Bring back the shorts and long live color!

"My Idea for the Last Episode" by DctrMental@aol.com

Well, my idea is that the wormhole would open up and two SOL's would crash into one another. The first SOL contained Joel, Trace Crow, Josh Tom Servo, Jim Gypsy, and the old Cambot. The second SOL contained Mike, Bill Crow, Kevin Tom Servo, Patrick Gypsy, and the modern Cambot. Suddenly, the 2 Cambots join into a Cambot² with the voice of Adam West. Meanwhile, down in Deep 13, a ghost TV's Frank and Torgo the White visit on young Dr. F, and Dr. E. They watch a glitch in the time stream when the Widowmaker comes crashing through the background with Bobo, Pearl, and Observer. This could all happen on the very first Thanksgiving Dr .F and Dr. E had together. Dr .F is busy trying to take over the world and the purpose of the Cambot² would be to throw in some great new technology. Adam West would riff with Joel, Mike, two Toms, and two Crows while two Gypsy's try to keep the two Satellites together... NOW THAT IS A MOVIE!
That would be a kick-ass film!

"RMichel424's MSTable Movie Gallery" by RMichel424@aol.com

Hi there. This is a new monthly article that I will be writing. I will review two movies each month that belong on MST3K. For this first article I will review four. I will review movies that I have seen first followed by ones that have gotten bad reviews in my video review book. I will tell who is in the film and give a brief description of it too. Let's begin shall we?

Death Race 2000 (1975)
Our first film stars David Carradine and Sylvester Stallone. It is the year 2000. The United States government has been changed, violence reigns supreme, and only the president, who dresses like the pope, runs the country. He has set up a cross-country race where the racers get points for killing pedestrians. The race has been going on for several years. A group of rebels plans to kidnap the long-standing champion, Frankenstein, played by Carradine, and hold him ransom and make the president change the government back to the old ways. The woman who leads the rebels looks like Frau Bleucher from Young Frankenstein. The other champion racer, Machine-Gun Joe Viterbo, played by Stallone, looks like a poor knock off of a gangster. There are several scenes with nudity that would have to be cut, but it would still be a good choice. It is directed by.... Roger Corman!

Horror Planet (1983)
This entire film's beginning is like a real cheap version of Alien. A group of astronauts in the future are sent to investigate missing astronauts and crew on a barren planet. While on the planet, they discover a giant alien pyramid. Naturally they investigate. Later they are attacked by their nightmares. One woman is attacked/slimed/raped by a giant caterpillar. They would have to edit a bit of this because it shows some naughty bits. They find out that the pyramid is an alien's device to make their race fight their fears. This movie stars no one I have ever heard of before.

Making Contact (1985)
After Joey's father dies many bizarre things happen in nine-year old Joey's life. Things like getting a call from his father on his toy phone. First he discovers he has some sort of mild telekinetic powers. The rest starts when Joey brings home a doll that he found in an abandoned house. The doll turns out to be possessed by an evil being with powers similar to Joey's, only stronger. From then on Joey must fight both his problems with his peers and his problems with the doll. In one scene, Joey's toys come to life just like in Pod People. This movie tries to cash in on ET's magic, but this movie fails at that. I have never heard of the people in this film either. Believe me, this is one bad flick. Bad special effects too. This is a lot like Pod People combined with ET and Devil Doll, minus about three plots and aliens. Very cheesy kid flick.

Servants of Twilight (1991)
A cult calling themselves Servants of Twilight want to kill a small boy named Joey. They believe that he is the Antichrist. The mother hires a private detective that looks like Grizzly Adams, to help protect her son. Eventually the three of them flee the city to a small cabin. The mother and detective fall in love. The cult attacks them in the cabin. The mother gets killed and one of the members turns on the cult leader because he can't kill a child. The boy mysteriously brings the mother back to life. Only then does the detective realize the boy IS the devil. The boy gives the detective a heart attack through his evil powers. Stay awake if you can. Based on a Dean Koontz novel.

"Sex and Candy/I Love Kevin Murphy" by bozarth@adams.net

Hi yall, I'm back! This time I'm here with Marcy Playground to rock out about the Director and Producer of MST3K, your friend and mine, Kevin Murphy. Rock it, you turkey!!!

Hangin' 'round watchin' CC by myself
And the around 9 was the time
MST would come on and
Entertain myself
And then there he was
As a plant that reviews tunes
Yeah there he was
As the gumball machine dude

I love Kevin Murphy yeah
He's doing riffing
In those chairs
He's the one that
Holds the cast
Mama he surely
Is the king
Yeah he surely
Is the king
Hangin' 'round watchin' SFC by myself
And I had too
Much Sampo
And I was thinkin'
'Bout the show
And then there he was
As foul-smelling Bobo
Yeah there he was
As Tom Servo

I love Kevin Murphy yeah
He's in the
Director's chair
Who's that casting
Robert Smith
To guest star
Mama he's surely
The king
Yeah mama he's surely
The king

I love Kevin Murphy yeah
He's in the
Director's chair
Who's that casting
Robert Smith to guest star
Mama he's surely
The king
Mama he's surely
The king

I love Kevin Murphy yeah
He's the one
Getting gray hair
Who has lasted
8 years as a robot
Mama he's surely
The king
Mama he's surely
The king
Yeah mama he surely must
Be the king

P.S. These are just lyrics, OK. I think everyone at BBI needs a song. Hey, that's a good idea! Hee hee hee.

"MMMMMMMM" by jdzarnst@hilltop.ic.edu

Hey howdy, folks. So how's everybody like Season 9 so far? I'm diggin' it. Werewolf has become one of my new faves, without a doubt, and not just because of the chant over the closing credits, either. I don't know about the rest of you, but I about fell off my chair at "Future conditional pluperfect subjunctive," but then again I study language, so maybe I'm just twisted enough to get that one. (That reminds me, Herr Poobah, it's EinundzwanZig, not zwansig. Otherwise, klingt gut.)

On a sadder (well, sort of) note, I will be graduating from college and losing online access in a matter of days. That means that someone gets to take the reins of MMMMMMMM in my absence! I leave it up to his Poobahship to decide who's worthy, so if you want a shot, he's the one to talk to. I trust it will be left in good hands. Just remember to build a statue of me or something in tribute every time it gets posted.

Anyway, heeeeeeere we go!


Section 1) New Questions.

From: HackMan
Subject: MMMMMMMM (right # of M's?)

Ok, I got a question for your column.

In the episode called 903 Pumaman, who is the person that they modeled a head of? I would write the name, but I don't feel like finding the tape. Thanx a lot!

Hey Hackman, (any relation to Gene?)

The number of M's looks perfect. Well, I don't remember his name either, but he's a folk singer of some renown, I gather. I know if I only had time to control one mind on earth, I'd make darn sure it was a folk singer, yessiree. You can influence entire continents with one of those guys. Well, if anyone can add anything to that, feel free.


Section 2) New Answers, Old Questions.

From: ServoX451

In episode #809 "I Was a Teenage Werewolf", there is a repeated reference to Richard Jewel in the beginning fight scene. I don't know whom Richard Jewel is. Please help!


I got a slew of responses the first time I sent this one out, and my first reaction was "D'OH!" Richard Jewell was the security guard wrongfully accused of the Olympic bombing in Atlanta, I should have known that. But the credit rightfully goes to the following: TV's Henry, Damselfly0, RMichel424, michel, and garonma! Thanks, guys!

From s364128@pop.urgrgcc.edu

Ok, I have two questions. What does Frank say at end of "Operation Double 007"? He's supposed to be speaking in German and I don't know any German. So can you give me the English translation?

I got a more complete estimate of what he says from the Poobah, but I still can't figure it out, sorry. The closest I can figure is:

"Ten (something something), Sir? Would you like a little song?"

Also, in one where Mike and 'Bots are supposed to an imitation of Spanish kids' TV show (I think it's Parts: the Clonus Horror, but I could be wrong). What the heck do they say? I took 3 years of Spanish, but I didn't do well in it.

I finally managed to catch this one, and from what I could piece together, they're repeating a lot of what they said when they were just doing the lame English kid's show, and then saying "Party!" and "Freak out!" and stuff like that. Plus Crow kept saying "Agua!" "Water!" Mike didn't look too comfortable in those tight shiny pants, did he? I think the funniest part of the whole thing is "(Something something) del Cine!!!" Which translates to: "MOVIE SIGN!!!" Anyway, hope that helps a little.


Section 3) References Without Questions.

Special thanks this time around go to Matt the Nanite, who wanted to head a potential question off at the pass dealing with that most serious of all subjects: ventriloquy.

You see, in a few of the Joel-era episodes, a ref was made that played out as follows:

(Character in movie lifts the lid on a box.)
Joel: 'Saright inda box?
Tom/Crow: 'Saright.

This is based on a routine by legendary ventriloquist Señor Wences, in which he would put his dummy back in its box, and then ask it if it was... well... "Aright inda box." Get it? Sr. Wences is also the origin of the common MST phrase "Ees deeficult." This is from a Sr. Wences routine that ran thusly:

Wences: This next trick is very difficult.
Dummy: Ees easy. (Sr. Wences was hispanic, but only his dummy spoke with a noticeable accent.)
Wences: No, it's difficult.
Dummy: Ees easy.
Wences: No, I tell you, it's very difficult.
Dummy: (Pause.) Ees deeficult.
Wences: Good, now-
Dummy: -for you; for me ees easy.

Man, I can't believe I'm old enough to have seen that. Thanks a lot, MtN, for helping out!


Well, that does it for the final installation of MMMMMMMM with me as administrator. I hope you've all enjoyed it as much as I have; I couldn't have done it without your help. Be well, stay cool, and as always, keep circulating the tapes!

P.S. If you have any questions or answers relating to this issue of MMMMMMMM, you'll have to save them until the new MMMMMMMMmeister is selected and send them to him/her, since in a few days this e-mail address won't exist anymore. Seeya!

Refueler............................Card-carrying member of "Down With People"

"Jenny for Your Thoughts" by S364128@urgrgcc.edu

Ok, I just want to know if I'm the only MSTie who is excited about new Godzilla movie coming out? I didn't think so. I'm excited not only because of the return of the G man to big screen but gives something For MST3K to riff on. Let's face it. People have been craving to see another mutant monster film.
But one thing brought me down from the joy of seeing Godzilla destroying a town. In "Godzilla vs. King Kong," Godzilla loses. Excuse me?! Come on! Let's do a comparison. Godzilla has claws and tail that he can use, as well as scales that with stand fire arms and the ability to breathe fire. King Kong has upper body strength, the ability to climb buildings and throw his own dookie. Any beating man can tell you fire beats dookie any day.
No disrespect to King Kong, he's a great monster... wait a second; he is not even a monster! He is a giant ape! People, we all know what's going on. It's a conspiracy. "Godzilla vs. King Kong" is just cover up fight between Japan and the USA. Our monster or ape against their monster.
Second, why do we have these stupid death matches that puts two fictional characters together? I'm sure King Kong and Godzilla would never fight and would be best of friends. Come on, if you were big mutant, wouldn't you be happy to see another giant? Heck I would. We not only do this with monsters but people. I can't tell you how many hours that are wasted on the Internet debating who would win fight: Captain Picard or Captain Kirk. Everyone knows of the flame wars that happened over Mike and Joel.
Would these fight ever take place? No. If they did, would the contestants be participators? Probably not. Do these arguments have any purpose or reasoning? NO! What ends up happing is someone has a fight with someone else over their opinion, which they refuse to change. In short, stop with these fights and use your free time on 'Net for something worthwhile. Let the people on MTV's Celebrity Death Match worry about the fights and let us worry about crime and the environment.

"The MSTical Tie" by astone@st1.wou.edu

Have you ever noticed that if you are standing in a video store, placidly eyeing an episode you haven't seen it happens often that someone will suddenly be next to you, talking to you as if you are old friends? "That episode is..." fill in the blank. If you've seen it, you are immediately exchanging your favorite lines. If not, you get a rundown of "plot" (if there is one), skits, the better jokes, the worse jokes, and some personal opinion.

I have experienced this meeting of the minds so many times that the spirit moved me to comment. I think this would be an excellent tool for world peace. Get all the major world big cheeses hooked on MST, then, when tensions arose, we could mention the show and soon the camaraderie would spring up.

Of course, the nukes might fly over the relative merits of "Manos: the Hands of Fate" and "Attack of the the Eye Creatures."

But I digress. The simple fact is, MSTies all seem to spot one another, and it's a great way to meet new people. Plus, I was advised against watching some of the real poopies.

May MSTie of the Month: DctrMental@aol.com

Name: Nick
Videos Bought: Every single episode put out, including Amazing Colossal Man, and the 2 Poopies, the Scrapbook, and both 3 packs.
Info Club Member: #88,558
Posts Made: Seven
Replies to Posts Made: 60+
Personal Info: Well I have watched MST3K since 1993 and have been a fan since. I just really became a fan last August, with the Member Number and everything. I put a 5 spot down for the Member packet, as well as money for the "You Know You Want Me" T-shirt, and a hat, and a coffee cup. The episodes I own are 102, 302, 304, 307, 706, Season 8 through Season 9+, and I am purchasing more. I made boxes for the non-Rhino videos. I own the Amazing Colossal Episode Guide and The CD. I made a book of the lyrics on The CD. I have read the whole FAQ at mst3kinfo.com. I know just about everything about MST3K, and can prove it, except for my lack of a video library (GASP). Well that is all I can think of at the moment. Oh, at my place of business (Best Buy), we sell the videotapes, so I can personally meet MSTies! I have also recruited 30+ MSTies online by a profile search and an e-mail asking if they were and how to become one. Well that is all I can think of. I HOPE I WIN!!!

MST3K Trivia Winners

Lots of new questions and answers this month, along with the new winner of Jeopardy!-esque MST3K Trivia. So let's get right to it, shall we?

#29 was finally snatched up either by Atog554 or MPinski. If Cambot ever comes back and tells me the answer, we'll have a single winner. I dunno.
#32 was answered by Atog554. Mike tried to build a 'Bot in 602 Invasion USA.
#33 fell to MPinski. Mike used a Laser Tag helmet in 904. Both questions 32 and 33 were from Tom_Servo.
#34 got answered by Rmichel424. Humphrey is a cocker spaniel. Kudos go out to Bozarth for the question.
#35 is still up for grabs. Start counting those censors in 815 for this tricky question from RMichel424!
#36 also was answered by Atog554. Mallon's proud of Blood Hook. Thanks to hquiej, whoever you are...

Well, another three months of savage Jeopardy!-esque MST3K Trivia combat have produced a victor...


Here's what he had to say: "I would like to thank all the little sites that made this possible and of course the Amazing Colossal Episode Guide, the best source of information on this thing we like to call MST3K. I also lovingly thank the creators of MSTies Anonymous and the trivia which allowed me to win, and my dad who helped me to win with the assist on the Quarterly Quadruple. Of course, none of this could have happened without the genius of Joel Hodgson and all the other Best Brains who create the hilarious shows each and every week. And I thank anybody else I am forgetting that deserves thanks and apologize for my stupidity. Only in America could I actually win something due to my own talent."

Way to go, Atog! You get 513 The Brain that Wouldn't Die. All the players deserve a pat on the back for putting up a good fight. Mstr Mental, on the other hand, managed to rack up -4800 points. At least he's been recruiting Nevada MSTies for the club. Thanks again! Be sure to come back next month for the start of the third game and another chance at a Rhino tape. Viel Glück!

June MST3K Schedule on SFC

(All times Eastern and tentative)
Date Time ### Episode
6/06 5:00 pm 806 The Undead
6/06 11:00 pm 806 The Undead
6/13 5:00 pm 906 Space Children
6/13 11:00 pm 906 Space Children
6/20 5:00 pm 819 Invasion of the Neptune Men
6/20 11:00 pm 819 Invasion of the Neptune Men
6/27 5:00 pm 907 Hobgoblins
6/27 11:00 pm 907 Hobgoblins

Classifieds 3000

mstanon@msties.com writes:
Now hiring one Co-Editor for the SOL Post. To apply, compile a sample issue using a variety of MST3K articles from around the Internet, your own bio, and the next broadcast schedule. The Co-Editor will be chosen from entries that demonstrate good organizational skills, punctuality, and a familiarity with the SOL Post format. Entries should be submitted by Friday, June 5th to be considered for alternating editing duties.


All material written by club members in this publication does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the staff of MSTies Anonymous. Endorsement of above publicized activities not operated by MSTies Anonymous should not be implied. Published material is subject to editing only for spelling, grammar, clarity, and formatting; other changes are not made without express written consent of the author.

Mystery Science Theater 3000, its characters and situations are copyright 1998 Best Brains, Inc. This publication is not meant to infringe on any copyrights held by Best Brains, the Sci-Fi Channel, or their employees. "Gizmonics" and all related elements are copyright and trademark Joel Hodgson. This publication is not meant to infringe on any copyrights held by him, so please do not sue us.

© MCMXCVIII MSTies Anonymous
The Poobah
Jet Jaguar kret0419@blue.UnivNorthCo.edu
Zen Psycho Cool6000@juno.com

"Dem 'Bots, dem 'Bots, dem... dry 'Bots!"

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