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SOL Post 21 05/15/98
SOL Post 20 04/15/98
SOL Post 19 03/15/98




In This Issue

From the Poobah
"MMMMMMMM" by jdzarnst@hilltop.ic.edu
"Call Me Ishmael" by BobIshmael@prodigy.net
"The One I Love/Manos' Ramblings" by bozarth@adams.net
"A Time for Celebration" by Omnscnt@aol.com
"Something About Space?" by jonas42@hotmail.com
"Jenny for Your Thoughts" by S364128@urgrgcc.edu
"The SOL Virtual Tour" by RMichel424@aol.com
"Gizmonics' Review of Season 9 (So Far...)" by gizmonics@juno.com
"Professor Mario Says" by grahl@geocities.com
MST3K Trivia Winners
May MST3K Schedule on SFC
Classifieds 3000

From the Poobah

Okay, I'm implementing a new plan for MSTie of the Month. Since members chosen at random from 246 may or may not send in their bios, those wishing to be picked for the honor must e-mail me with their current bio to be put in the monthly drawing. This way, there will always be a MSTie of the Month. Got it? Good. Also, the Classifieds 3000 are really hurting for some material, so I'm reluctantly altering the previous web page policy. The first page to submit for publication will be included, so long as it's MST-related. Additional MST- related pages will be promoted so long as they link to our page, have a member button, or both. As always, all MST activities will be posted. Moving on...
However lacking of these regular features, this month's edition of the SOL Post is far and away the best issue to date. I'm impressed with the numerous contributions from you, the members. A new column, "Professor Mario Says," makes its debut and another, "Mythic, Mirthful, and Magical MST Moments you Maybe Might have Missed," takes shape. With the new column and RMichel's virtual tour, video game fever returns to the club... I'll elaborate on my MST3K: The Video Game idea next issue since this one is so jam-packed with tender vittles.
Just a reminder: Round 2 of Jeopardy!-esque MST3K Trivia ends on the 30th, so finish up your responses in the form of questions or dive right on in for your chance at a Rhino tape. Forgot your user ID and password? Don't be afraid to ask. Game on!

"MMMMMMMM" by jdzarnst@hilltop.ic.edu

Well, folks, things is off and rollin'. A few new questions and a few old ones answered this time around, so let's get right down to business.


Section 1) New Questions.

From: ServoX451

In episode #809 "I Was a Teenage Werewolf", there is a repeated reference to Richard Jewel in the beginning fight scene. I don't know whom Richard Jewel is. Please help!


The older brother of folk/rock star Jewel, maybe? No, seriously, I have no idea. I thought I did for a second, but that was Richard Crenna, so it didn't make much sense.

At least it wasn't Richard Lewis, so I haven't completely lost my mind. Or Richard Baseheart, for that matter. This one's all yours, folks.


Section 2) Unsolved Mysteries.
+++Insert Robert Stack here+++

From s364128@pop.urgrgcc.edu

Ok, I have two questions. What does Frank say at end of "Operation Double 007"? He's supposed to be speaking in German and I don't know any German. So can you give me the English translation? Also, in one where Mike and 'Bots are supposed to an imitation of Spanish kids' TV show (I think it's Parts: the Clonus Horror, but I could be wrong). What the heck do they say? I took 3 years of Spanish, but I didn't do well in it.
So can you help me out?

I managed at last to resurrect a bit of it from my ailing long-term memory. Here's what I remember:
"(something something something) mein Herr! Wollen Sie ein Liedchen?"
Which translates out to:
"(something something something) Sir! Would you like a little song/tune?"
If you can just give me some idea of what the first few words might sound like, I should be able to complete this part.
No hablo Español. Anybody get this yet?


Section 3) New Answers, Old Questions.


In episode 805, The Thing That Couldn't Die, Servo sings a little tune whenever someone calls, "Jessica!" It goes something like, "Do do do do do do, dododo!" What's that all about?

There were actually two explanations offered for this. Three cheers for Puzzleball and Paul Duca!

From: Puzzleball
Subject: Re: SOL Post 19

Regarding one of your fan questions in your excellent SOL Post 19, Josh P. Munn (or something) asks why Servo chanted the nifty little ditty "Do do do do do dooooo!" every time a character in the movie said "Jessica!" Well, the answer is simply this: the aforementioned character said the word, and I quote, "Jessica!" so many times, at roughly the same interval, that she sounds like a broken record. Hence, Servo imitates a broken record, therefore making a mockery of her pretty speech. You can thank me in your own special way.

Keep Circulating the Tapes,

From: Paul Duca
Subject: Answer to question

"Jessica" is the title of an instrumental performed by the Allman Brothers Band. It is also the music used in the commercials for the Buick Regal. "The Official Car of the Supercharged Family"

Paul Duca

So, there you have it. The cool thing about this is, if you think about it, both of these explanations could work together... just imagine it's a broken record *of* the Allman Brothers' "Jessica." See? Everybody wins!

Thanks again to Puzzleball (I tried to thank you in "my own special way" but I couldn't fit the ferret into the cooler without taking out the Inflate- a-Mate and the 6-pack of Corona first... maybe next time) and Paul Duca, "The Supercharged MSTie."


Great big chocolatey candy-coated thanks to everyone who's sent in questions or answers... keep 'em coming!

Refueler.........................................Is he real, or is he Memorex?

"Call Me Ishmael" by BobIshmael@prodigy.net

Once again, it's time for one of my seemingly random ramblings (say that 3 times fast). Anyways, in this issue, I will teach you how to make the Widowmaker (Pearl's VW "Hippie Van"). Okay here we go...

  1. Get a VW bus. No. NOT THE REAL THING. A model, wassa-matta-u? You're like a mental person.
  2. Get two empty bullet shells; two .45 shells should do nicely. Be sure they are not loaded or, well, if you're dumb enough to get a loaded bullet, maybe you should get the .45 itself.
  3. Now try to cram matches and cotton in there (the .45 shells).
  4. Get annoyed because the match sticks keep breaking off and the cotton gets everywhere.
  5. Now get a hot glue gun and glue the bullets to the sides.
  6. Start screaming because you just glued your finger to the model VW van.
  7. Get pissed and take .45 previously mentioned and blow 9 holes (or use your own judgement) in the damn thing!!!
  8. Get a new model.
  9. Get bored and watch TV.
  10. Take a nap.
  11. Go to your computer and write a text file for MST-A.
  12. Forget what you're doing and finish the text file... THE END.
Hope I was of some help. Bob Ishmael, signing off...

"The One I Love/Manos' Ramblings" by bozarth@adams.net

Hello, fellow MST Anons! This is my first article and I hope you like it. I'll probably write about the 'Bots or song parodies. This is my first one, a parody of REM's "The One I Love". Now it's "Manos' Ramblings."
:::IceHouse mode on:::
Thanks, and enjoy.
:::IceHouse mode off:::

This one goes out to my big-kneed slave
This one goes out to the one I've cursed and killed
A simple guy to occupy wives
This one goes out to my big-kneed slave

Fire (has burnt off his hand, now)

This one goes out to my big-kneed slave
This one goes out to the one I've yelled at many times
Another guy has occupied his lines
This one goes out to my big-kneed slave

"A Time for Celebration" by Omnscnt@aol.com

It seems that every month has some kind of theme. February is Black History Month, March is something like "Appreciate Your Helmet Month," and December is Hispanic Heritage Month. What I'm proposing is to make April the MST3K Month. What do we do in MST3K Month to show our support for the people who bring us quality programming every Saturday? Well first of all, we all have someone who doesn't understand our obsession with MST3K. The unbeliever in my life was my boyfriend. He never understood what the show was about or why I loved it so, until I made him watch one. Together we watched "The Pumaman." After watching the cheesy effects of the movie, Pumaman falling out of a 2-story window and yet the camera shows him falling 4 stories, and the big Aztec man doing disco karate scenes, he became an avid believer in the wonder that is Mystery Science Theater 3000. Subject one of your loved ones to the part of your life they don't understand. You may make them a believer. Second, you can write to the kind people at Best Brains or the Sci-Fi Channel and tell them how much you love the show, appreciate their hard work, and tell them to keep the show going for many more years. They can never get enough fan mail. Third, you can visit any and all Mystery Science Theater sites as possible, stuff your head with as much MST3K Trivia as possible, then go play the Jeopardy!- esque MST3K Trivia game. You'll probably do better than me... Also, you can discuss the path MST3K might go in the future with your MSTie friends. Pearl might get really jealous of the Brain Guy and hypnotize Bobo to impair his brain so he can never have any more friends and just focus on dominating the world. Anyway, those are my four steps to a better April month dedicated to the great show that is Mystery Science Theater 3000. See y'all later!

[Ed. note: April is National Poetry Month. Is that worthy? Of course not!]

"Something About Space?" by jonas42@hotmail.com

There's something I've noticed over the years about good MST3K episodes. The pattern seems (to me anyway, although I'm a weirdo) than the episodes that take place in space (i.e. The Phantom Planet and 12 to the Moon) are considerably better that monster movies (i.e. The Projected Man and The Giant Gila Monster). I'm not sure if this is just my strange taste speaking. Am I right?

"Jenny for Your Thoughts" by S364128@urgrgcc.edu

I'm sure everyone celebrated the new home of Pearl, Castle Forrester! I'm glad that Pearl and the gang have found place to stay and nobody has to fight over who sleeps where in the Widowmaker. But I was wondering: where is Castle Forrester? It's probably in Transylvania, I guess. I mean, all spooky and haunted castles are usually in Transylvania.
Then I started to wonder where the heck Transylvania is. I couldn't find it on my world map, so it's not a big country or something. I'm guessing that it's probably in eastern Europe, maybe near Russia. But why not pick somewhere else? Not that I'm saying there is anything wrong with Transylvania or the haunted castle there. In fact, I'm sure it's a very nice place for vacation and probably not that scary. I just want know: why there?
What is so spooky about Transylvania? Why can't it be somewhere else? What gives? I'm Transylvania, I'm sooo scary, whoooo. Whatever. I mean, why can't it be somewhere else? Well, someone might say, "Because all good, spooky, haunted castles are in Transylvania." True, but why did they pick Transylvania? Why couldn't vampires or haunted castles be somewhere else? Like Romania or the Chech Republic. But NO, it has be in Transylvania.
I don't know. Maybe it's me. I'll probably be proven wrong and Castle Forrester will actually be in Circle Pines, Minnesota or in Wisconsin. Then I'll have egg on my face from going on about Transylvania. I just want finish up by saying I'm sure Transylvania is great place. But I'm not scared by you, Transylvania, you hear me?! I'm not scared by you or any country or place!

"The SOL Virtual Tour" by RMichel424@aol.com

Four score and several issues ago, MSTAnon wrote an article about an idea for a MST3K N64 game. I have done one better. I think that Best Brains should come out with "The Satellite of Love Virtual Tour" for PC and Mac. I got the idea late one night. I had rented the new Titanic computer game from a local library. I think the "SOL VT" should be similar to that. In Titanic, you have the freedom to move about the ship and explore, but a lot of the places you can't go in.
The SOL VT would allow you to explore all sorts of places besides the SOL and no restrictions on where to go (except outside the areas). You would have the chance to explore the SOL (all seasons), Deep 13, Castle Forrester, Ape Planet, Observer Planet, Roman Times, Camping Planet, the Widowmaker, and Best Brains studios.
There would be little hidden games in each of the areas, such as flying the SOL (watch out for the Hubble!), MST3K/Doom style game (the bad guys are bad guys like Trumpy, Torgo, the Laserblast kid Billy, etc.), and others. Another one would involve flying the space fighter jets featured in "Space Mutiny". Be Tom or Crow and dogfight, er bot fight, in space. One last game could be Mike flying the SOL around and destroying planets, accidentally of course... or not. You would be able to explore rooms of the SOL and interact with them. You could visit Tom's room and play with the Interrocitor or mess with his under- wear collection. You can visit Crow's, Mike's/Joel's, or even Gypsy's room. You could go below deck and see the hole that Crow made in the hull (click on it to view the movie clip). You can visit the museum and try out the inventions from the invention exchange. (Play a round of Microgolf. Point 0-0- 4!)
You could explore Deep 13 and visit Frank's room. Open the big door and be greeted by Jack Perkins, Jerry and Sylvia (The Mole People), Plant Guy, Torgo... you get the idea. It would be a totally awesome program. Play the You Don't Know Jack style trivia game, You Don't Know MST, complete with thousands of questions to challenge your MST3K knowledge. It would be located on the set where Pearl held her telethon. There would be a bonus round where you have to tell whether an item fits into certain categories. An example would be telling whether Roger Corman or Ed Wood made a movie.
At Best Brains, you would tour the studios and be able to check out the writing room, the sets, offices, prop department, editing room, the stars' personal offices, etc. You could click on a prop and see a large photograph of the actual prop. In the writing room, you could play on the pinball machine, which would be changed to be a MST3K themed pinball game.
In Roman Times, you can visit the Coliseum and be Bobo and fight a lion. It would look similar to the knight fight scene in the game version of Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail, only you rip the lion apart in stead of using a sword. Or if that is too graphic, you can simply place a bet on the fight or attempt to break out of the dungeon.
On Camping Planet, you square off head-to-pod with the evil pods. You have to deal with the Space Children again. You can fish by the stream and all would be serene, until you have to battle the invading killer robots. You shoot them in a shooting gallery style game.
On Ape Planet you can swing in a tire swing, arm a thermonuclear device, etc. You can also play a game of Fling-It! I think you get what you fling... Anyway you would fling IT at little targets. The more accurate you are, the more points you receive. Whack-an-Ape. Whack Bobo, Peanut, and the other apes in this version of the Whack-a-Mole. You beat them over the head with a giant clown hammer.
In the Widowmaker, you can play a game of Chase the SOL. You fly/drive the VW and tail the SOL. If you loose track of them, find them fast, or you lose.
At Castle Forrester (in progress of new ideas), you can drop boiling lead on the angry mob. They would be running back and forth at the bottom of the screen, while you drop acid on them. It would be a bit like Tetris, only you can't move the acid sideways as it falls. You can build a deathray machine like Pearl had in 902. You can use it in another shooting gallery game.
The opening on the game would be a video of one of the season openings chosen at random. The possibilities for this program are endless.
Note that these are just a few rough ideas. I have yet to fully think this idea completely through. I will add on to this when I come up with more ideas. Or write to me with your ideas. I'd love to hear them. If you want me to E- mail with updates and others suggestions, I'll do it.

"Gizmonics' Review of Season 9 (So Far...)" by gizmonics@juno.com

To start off, I would like to pay homage to what is easily one of the BEST MST's I have ever seen: 903 The Puma Man. This is a primo episode. What, with the "Pyoomayman" comment, the given fact that pumas OBVIOUSLY DON'T fly, the cheesy superhero happy music, and Mike as the Coatimundi Man, it all just flowed soooo well. As the Aztec Guy would say, "Teehee... (Shh)... Teehee."
I really liked the fact that they have finally settled into a permanent home at Castle Forrester. I want to know if anyone else hoped that Dr. F would pop up when Pearl said, "This ball will mark the returning of a Forrester to this dwelling." I have only seen episodes 902, 903, and the Mystery Science Theater 3000 Vice Presidential Command Performance Academy of Robot's Choice Awards Preview Special, all of which I taped. I decided to wait until the repeat of 901 to get it (what, with the theater's sound echo...). I can only hope and pray that Frank/Dr. F return for a bit at SOME point... Anyway, I was VERY pleased with the Mystery Science Theater 3000 Vice Presidential Command Performance Academy of Robot's Choice Awards Preview Special, or the "MST Awards 2." "Titanic" got it good, along with all the other films done on it.
I whole-heartedly agree with Jenny. I have had many things happen- ordinary things- that completely remind me of MST3K. Anyone else out there?
Last comment: I am making an MST3K comic book to replace the Acclaim failure. It's black 'n' white, based on the Season 6 Mike/Mads situation. For questions, write to:



"Professor Mario Says" by grahl@geocities.com

In spite of my earlier failure, I'm back, and this time I've gotten the go-ahead from the MSTies Anonymous Poobah himself!
Anyway, here is the concept behind this column:
A few members of the SOL/Castle Forrester crew will present a synopsis for a video game, system, controller, or peripheral (system add-on) for Mike and the 'Bots to frag. I'm also taking artistic liberty and adding a few extra characters to the riffing crew: Cambot (who, to the best of my knowledge, never riffed), and Matt T. Nanite (there's a whole plot line behind this that will, eventually, be up on my homepage). Anyway, the boys drop the bomb on the synopses, there'll be beginning and ending host segments (this is the abridged version, there'll be a full set in the stories at the site!), and, theoretically, no one will get hurt... except maybe the 'Bots. Mike has been given explicit permission to rip them to itty-bitty pieces should they use any sexual remarks (in a MSTing I read once, Mike gave Crow a time-out and Tom leaves the Theater saying: "Ooh, I didn't know he bent that way; thanks!" He- he, it's FUNNY!!).
I also will be accepting synopses of anything video game-related from you, the reader, so send 'em in!

It'll start next time with:


MST3K Trivia Winners

It's been a long time since regular trivia winners have been posted since Cambot disappeared. Where to? If only I knew. In his place, I'll be listing each month's winners from now on, unless Cambot returns. This isn't the first time he's gone away, so who knows... I desperately need your help to keep new questions on the board. Just e-mail me with your MST3K trivia and it'll go up for MSTies to try and answer, just so long as it hasn't been used on the page before. Well, I've said my part, so here are the current winners:

#22 was answered by BobIshmael way back in the day. Torgo visited 5 times.
#25 was correctly answered by WServo9a. Rhino is supposed to release 20 eps.
#27 has been answered by HunterW6, who identified Servo's body as the Money Lover's Barrel Bank.
#29 is still available. Start reading Mike's interviews...
#31 was answered by Atog554. "I HATE TOM SERVO'S NEW VOICE!!!" was a banner sent to BBI after episode 201. Thanks to Lugosi009 for the question.

May MST3K Schedule on SFC

(All times Eastern and tentative)
Airdate Time ### Episode
5/02 5:00 pm 817 Horror of Party Beach
5/02 11:00 pm 817 Horror of Party Beach
5/09 5:00 pm 905 The Deadly Bees
5/09 11:00 pm 905 The Deadly Bees
5/16 5:00 pm 802 The Leech Woman
5/16 11:00 pm 802 The Leech Woman
5/23 5:00 pm 818 Devil Doll
5/23 11:00 pm 818 Devil Doll
5/30 5:00 pm 804 The Deadly Mantis
5/30 11:00 pm 804 The Deadly Mantis

Classifieds 3000

jonas42@hotmail.com writes:
Visit my (relatively) new site! Tell your friends! The only thing that keeps it going is your letters, and right now I'm not getting many. http://www.geocities.com/southbeach/pier/7244/mst3k.html


All material written by club members in this publication does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the staff of MSTies Anonymous. Endorsement of above publicized activities not operated by MSTies Anonymous should not be implied. Published material is subject to editing only for spelling, grammar, clarity, and formatting; other changes are not made without express written consent of the author.

Mystery Science Theater 3000, its characters and situations are copyright 1998 Best Brains, Inc. This publication is not meant to infringe on any copyrights held by Best Brains, the Sci-Fi Channel, or their employees. "Gizmonics" and all related elements are copyright and trademark Joel Hodgson. This publication is not meant to infringe on any copyrights held by him, so please do not sue us.

© MCMXCVIII MSTies Anonymous
The Poobah
Jet Jaguar kret0419@blue.UnivNorthCo.edu
Zen Psycho Cool6000@juno.com

"The Pyoomayman!"

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