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SOL Post 20 04/15/98
SOL Post 19 03/15/98
SOL Post 18 02/15/98




In This Issue

From the Poobah
"Jet Jaguar's Canadian MST Adventure" by kret0419@blue.UnivNorthCo.edu
"MSTing of Spam" by foxtrot@mailcity.com
"MMMMMMMM" by jdzarnst@hilltop.ic.edu
"Jenny For Your Thoughts" by S364128@urgrgcc.edu
"Bio Feedback/We Didn't Start the Fire" by mstanon@msties.com
March MSTie of the Month: chicago26@webtv.net
April MST3K Schedule on SFC
Classifieds 3000

From the Poobah

Good new episode yesterday, in spite of the awful reverb inside the Mystery Science Theater. It's good to see the Mads settle in again at a permanent home. The burden of constructing sets must've been to rough on "Pantleg" and the other Brains. The new home reminds me very much of Deep 13... And it should be that way. Clayton and Frank (and Larry and Pearl) lived there for seven years and produced a lot of outrageous comedy. Why should this new residence be any different? Big knees, good, go with it.
In other news, game two of Jeopardy!-esque MST3K Trivia is underway. Go and play it for your chance to win a Rhino MST tape of your choice! If you forget your user ID and password, don't be afraid to ask me.

"Jet Jaguar's Canadian MST Adventure" by kret0419@blue.UnivNorthCo.edu

Greetings, fellow MST viewers! I'm Jet Jaguar, AKA Sabin Rene Figaro, AKA etc. In this article I will be reviewing Toronto, from a MST point of view. Hmmm, where to begin. It's hard to find any other fans up there, for one. Everyone up there is infatuated with Mike Myers, Dana C., and of course, the Toronto-based Kids in the Hall. However, while playing Hockey in Sault Ste. Marie, I did find a couple of fans who "liked that show with the funny robots and that white guy..."
I'll never understand some Canadian humor. We have it so much better than Canada! I mean, we have turkey, pizza, burgers, etc., and they have... bacon. Beer too, I must add. (I am a college student!) But it's hard to find any presence of MST3000, so I have to give the US and Sci-Fi Channel the THUMBS UP. More later...

"MSTing of Spam" by foxtrot@mailcity.com

> Please read the following and think it over. If you don't like it, then
> Don't do it - it's no big deal. But if you've got a dream, maybe this is for
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Here's what one successful participant has to say:

Tom: Bit late. It's March already.
Mike: *gasp* I've been shot!!

> This is the key to the program! The item that you will receive for the
> dollar you send is the letter, your name on the "mailing list" and the right
> to earn thousands! Follow the simple instructions below and in less than
> three months you can receive over $97,000.00 GUARANTEED.
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
> >> >>
> >> >>
> >> >>

Tom: Just about anything is on the Internet.
Crow: Including free porn.
Mike & Tom: CROW!!!

> THIS IS A SERVICE AND IS 100% LEGAL. (Refer to title 18, section 1302 & 1342
> of the U.S. Postal and Lottery Laws or call the U.S. Post Office at 1-800-
> 725-2161.)

Tom: I'll be sure to check that.

> HOW DOES IT WORK? CAN I REALLY MAKE MUCH MONEY? Assume for example you get a
> 5% return rate, which is very conservative. (My first attempt was over 9.5%
> and my second was over 11%.)
> 1) When you post 200 letters 5 people will send you $1.00.

Tom: Wouldn't 5% of 200 be 10, not 5?

> 2) Those 5 people post 200 letters and 25 people send you $1.00.

Tom: This should be 10 and 100, not 5 and 25.

> 3) Those 25 people post 200 letters and 125 people send you $1.00.

Tom: 100 and 1000, not 25 and 125.
Crow: Geek!
Mike: Crow, don't start a fight over this.

> 4) Those 125 people post 200 letters and 625 people send you $1.00.

Tom: 1000 and 10000, not 125 and 625.

> 5) Those 625 people post 200 letters and 3,125 people send you $1.00.

Tom: 10000 and 100000, not 625 and 3125.

> 6) Those 3,125 people post 200 letters and 15,625 people send you $1.00.

Tom: 100000 and 1000000, not 3125 and 15625.

> 7) Those 15,625 people post 200 letters and 78,125 people send you $1.00.

Tom: 1000000 and 10000000, not 15625 and 78125.
Crow: This is scary, an attorney who can't do math.

> At this point your name drops off the list. Think about it. With only the
> first six levels you have received over $19,530.00, and at seven levels
> $97,655.00!!

Mike with calculator: At level six it would be $1,111,110 and level seven your total is $11,111,110.

> It works every time, but how well depends on how many letters you post. In
> the example above you posted 200 letters, if you posted 500 letters you
> would have received over $244,000.00. Check the math yourself, I want you
> to,

Mike: We already did, you're wrong.

> but I guarantee it's correct!

Crow: Here's a lawyer I never want help from.



> 1. Find a newsgroup and you click on it.
> 2. You click on 'POST A NEW ARTICLE' or 'TO NEWS' or anything else similar
> to these.
> 3. You type your flashy headline in the subject box.
> 4. Now, either you attach the file containing your amended letter, or you
> PASTE the letter. (You have to COPY it from the text editor, of course, from
> before.)
> 5. Finally, you click on 'SEND' or 'POST' or 'OK', whatever is there.
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

Crow: And the more people who will be mad at you.


Tom: Um, Why?

This has been a MSTing of spam by
Tom "FoxTrot" Cox

"MMMMMMMM" by jdzarnst@hilltop.ic.edu

We have two very good questions for the first official edition of MMMMMMMM, so let's dive right in, shall we?

I don't know the answer to either of these, so I throw them out to all of you. Get down with your bad selves and show how much more intelligent and cultured MSTies are compared to the rest of the population!


#1 from Joshua_P._Munn Fri Mar 6 01:04:45 1998

In episode 805, The Thing That Couldn't Die, Servo sings a little tune whenever someone calls, "Jessica!" It goes something like, "Do do do do do do, dododo!" What's that all about?


I was wondering that myself. Good question.


#2 from s364128@pop.urgrgcc.edu Fri Mar 6 01:04:48 1998

Ok, I have two questions. What does Frank say at end of "Operation Double 007"? He's supposed to be speaking in German and I don't know any German. So can you give me the English tranlation? Also, in one where Mike and 'Bots are suposed to an imitation of Spanish kids' tv show (I think it's Parts: the Clonus Horror, but I could be wrong). What the heck do they say? I took 3 years of Spanish, but I didn't do well in it.
So can you help me out?


I really should be able to help you out on that German one (it's one of my majors here at Purgato- I mean, college. Unfortunately, I don't have that episode on tape anymore, so I don't know what he says. If someone can send me a close phonetic approximation of what he says, I can probably puzzle you out a translation. As for Spanish, no comprendo.

So there you have it, folks. These people's lives and mental health are now in your hands.

Send answers/ideas/other questions to jdzarnst@hilltop.ic.edu, and if any of you are going on spring break like I am, stay out of the sun! Shy from the holy light of Ishtar! They are EVIL! They must be DESTROYED!

Heh heh... sorry.

Refueler.........................................Is he real, or is he memorex?

"Jenny For Your Thoughts" by S364128@urgrgcc.edu

Ok, I'm in my dorm room bed trying to think of what to write this month and coming up blank. I can't write about the new Season 9 MST3K episode because I have turn in my article by the 14th at midnight and there's no way I'm going to write an article at midnight. The second reason is because I only have access to the lab computers at my school, which closes at 5 pm. Sorry, but I'm too cheap to get my own computer when there are fine computers that I can use for free. The third reason is that exams are the next week and if I'm going stay up to midnight is to study. I still can't believe that exams are just before the premiere episode of MST3K. It must be some sick joke that my teachers are pulling on me. So I sit here with no clue what I can write about and thinking I could write how I can't write an article about my thoughts of the new Season 9 episode. But that would be sad. Then a commercial for VH-1 Save the Music comes on. (My college doesn't get MTV but does get the Sci-Fi Channel, so I'm happy.) It says how we should sponsor music programs to help out kids, which I'm totally for. But this the idea of Mr. B Natural dancing in front of these kids comes into my head.
It amazes me how things like that can remind me of MST things or characters from an episode. Does this happen to anyone else? You're sitting there, minding your own business, then WHAM! Something reminds you of MST3K or an episode. Not normal things that are supposed to remind you of MST3K, like bad movies, but obscure, weird stuff.
Let give a few you examples. In my chemistry class, every time the teacher mentions sodium, I smile because of "Horror at Party Beach." Every time someone mentions monkeys, I think of Professor Bobo. I used to work at an arts and crafts store, and after I saw "Danger! Death Ray!," I almost laughed when someone asked me where the pinking shears were. When I see things on TV about robots, I think of the three lovable robots on the SOL. There is a restaurant called "Dale's." Every time I see ads for it, I think of that line that MST used, "I thought you were Dale." Doctors with last name that start with F, cheeses, the color flourescent green, and dog bones: all of them remind me of MST3K. I can't wait to see the new episode and see what new, strange, or ordinary things will remind me of MST3K. If anything strange or ordinary reminds you of MST3K, write me and tell me what it is and why, if you can. S364128@urgrgcc.edu.

"Bio Feedback/We Didn't Start the Fire" by mstanon@msties.com (SPOILERS)

Green Slime, Turkey Day, Gizmocrat, Lar and Clay
Crow T. Robot, Tom Servo, Gypsy's unrolled.
Spooky guy, Christmas tree, Demon Dogs, Rick Leed
HA!, CTV, Comedy Central.
Best Brains, SOL, doorways, Deep 13
Legosi, Commando Cody and Robot Holocaust.
Servo's voice, new scene, Clay's hires Frank from Arby's
Rock Climbing, Jet Jaguar, Erhardt goodbye.

We didn't start the riffing
They were always quipping since the Brains have been thinking.
We didn't start the riffing
No we didn't fight it and even tried to hype it.

Fish is ready, Sandy Frank, Patten and Van Cleef
Broken button, Spy-Dor, Comedy logo blocked.
Rae Dawn Chong, Kim Cattrall, Hee-La, Corrigan
Hercules beats 'em all, wives of Manos fought.
Paper Chase, Chinderwear, Brad Keeley covered in cream
Sean's bro, Jan-in-a-pan, Weatherwax Lassie.

We didn't start the riffing
They were always quipping since the Brains have been thinking.
We didn't start the riffing
No we didn't fight it and even tried to hype it.

Audit, new temp, Mike Nelson, fifty-seven
Gypsy's race, hamdinger place, trouble on the SOL.
Hiking, Gypsy says "How?", Fuzzy has a golf ball
Montecello, striped hide, creations of Joel's mind.
Frank's keys, Deus Ex, Forrester's in a mess
JRH goes away, what else do I have to say?

We didn't start the riffing
They were always quipping since the Brains have been thinking.
We didn't start the riffing
No we didn't fight it and even tried to hype it.

Mike Nelson, Jack Perkins, NummyMuffinCoocolButter
Berlin Alexanderplotz, Frank goes to Heaven.
Mother Pearl Forrester, Turkey Day Mania
Frank's missed, Melting Man, Laserblast and Malten.
Umbilicus free, Mike is the frog lady
Pure energy, 2001, Clay is a baby now.

We didn't start the riffing
They were always quipping since the Brains have been thinking.
We didn't start the riffing
No we didn't fight it and even tried to hype it.

Lawgiver, Peanut, Mike and 'Bots back again
Earth's shot, Bobo honks, Widowmaker, FRANK rocks.
Begin, brain pan, Nanites, terror for the Brain Guys
Mads in campsite, SOL in wormholes.
Public Pearl, dark side, Nirvana Village, Eddie's fried
Forrester jets, orbit Earth, Pearl finds her hearth.
Castle Forrester, Mike is subject to ancient lore
Bad movie quipping wars, I want to watch it some more.

We didn't start the riffing
They were always quipping since the Brains have been thinking.
We didn't start the riffing
No we didn't fight it and even tried to hype it.

March MSTie of the Month: chicago26@webtv.net

I live in South Jersey and have been a MiSTie for about five years now. I'm 18 years old and currently working as a handyman. I love MST cause it is THE funnest show on TV. I have a about 115 shows on tape. My favorite "host" was Joel and my fav episode is Space Mutiny.

April MST3K Schedule on SFC

(All times Eastern and tentative)
Airdate Time ### Episode
4/04 5:00 pm 903 Puma Man
4/04 11:00 pm 903 Puma Man
4/11 5:00 pm 811 Parts: the Clonus Horror
4/11 11:00 pm 811 Parts: the Clonus Horror
4/18 5:00 pm 904 Werewolf
4/18 11:00 pm 904 Werewolf
4/25 5:00 pm 812 The Incredibly Strange Creatures
4/25 11:00 pm 812 The Incredibly Strange Creatures

Classifieds 3000

SYXer7@aol.com writes:
In celebration of the 900 season of Mystery Science Theater 3000, presenting the grand opening of an MST3K page of brobdingnagian proportions! Over a gigabyte of sounds, images, video clips, screen savers, desktop themes, icons, and hamdingers! It's the all-new Mighty Science Theater!
What's Inside Mighty Science Theater:
Images - Pics From Mitchell to Manos
Information - Media-enriched information
Icons - Windows icons to spruce up your desktop
Desktop Themes - My original Desktop Themes for Win95
Video Clips - Episode Clips, Movie Trailers, and much, much more!
Links - Where else to go for your MST3K booster shots?
Hamdingers - Screen savers, programs, and other miscellania
Sounds - WAVs, AUs, and AADGKAs
The page will open Saturday, March 14th, to coincide with Experiment 901, The Projected Man.
I am the creator and maintainer for The X-Files Multimedia Archive, Treehouse Themes, The Cave of Swimmers, and many other top rated pages. The Treehouse, which houses them all, has garnered awards from E! Online, Web Magazine, and more!


All material written by members of MSTies Anonymous in this publication do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the staff of MSTies Anonymous.

Mystery Science Theater 3000, its characters and situations are copyright 1997 Best Brains, Inc. This publication is not meant to infringe on any copyrights held by Best Brains, the Sci-Fi Channel, or their employees.
The "Gizmocrat" and all related elements are copyright and trademark Joel Hodgson. This publication is not meant to infringe on any copyrights held by him, so please do not sue us.

© MCMXCVIII MSTies Anonymous
The Poobah
Jet Jaguar kret0419@blue.UnivNorthCo.edu
Zen Psycho Cool6000@juno.com

"I only look at that table periodically."

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