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912 Screaming Skull 08/29/98
913 Quest of the Delta Knights 09/26/98
1001 Soultaker 04/11/99



913 Quest of the Delta Knights A Best Brains Production
Transcripts by S0lCrow@aol.com
Prologue
Segment 1
Segment 2
Segment 3
Segment 4
Segment 5
913.wav "How is it you came to be sold as a slave?" -Bay Dool
"I accidentally put a sign on myself that read 'Slave For Sale.'" -Crow
136k



Prologue


Mike: Got it. Alright Gyps', take it away.
Gypsy: Okay, Mike.
Servo: What happened to Crow there?
Mike: Well, he went outside to check the ship's gutters, and the ratio kicked up, and he got caught in a freak hailstorm.
Servo: Sure is the season for 'em huh?
Mike: Yeah, about three grand in hail damage. It's gonna be about three weeks in the shop, but Gyps' gave me a loner Crow, so...
Servo: Cool, hey, it's that old AMC Crow that Gypsy's been tinkering with for years.
Crow: Hey guys are there things that are happening?
Servo: Cough, must be running rich.
Mike: Yeah, well, I'll flip his air filter cover over and, uh, he should be fine.
Servo: Check it out, he's got a killer radio!
Mike: Oh, wow, cool. We'll be right back.
Crow: Later we'll take stuff and do it, right?
Servo: Shhhhh!


Segment 1


Crow: Where does the continuing of things which goes again?
Servo: Man, he's getting worse!
Crow: Hello!
Mike: Hey, Crow, You look as good as new!
Crow: Yeah, Gypsy covered me with a layer of True Coat. Hey uh, fake me, she needs you back at the shop, some other guy's Crow got trashed by a semi on I-95.
Mike: Other guy's Crow?
Crow: To have said goodbye to things.
Mike: Alright, okay. Oh, Pearl S. Buck is calling.
Crow: Cheap model.
Servo: Yeah.
Pearl: Okay, Nelson, time for your semi-annual checkup. So, how are you feeling these days?
Mike: Doing very well these days, Pearl, thank you.
Pearl: No physical pain anywhere? No mental anguish? No vague feelings of unease? Poor sleep? Crying jags? Hives? Corns?
Mike: No, well, I was a bit upset a few days ago when I lost some shiny bottle caps that I quite liked, but, I found them, and ever since, it's been damn good times. I'm feeling very very happy, and I've never felt healthier. I have a good life, thank you.
Pearl: Why? What is wrong with you? I work my fingers to the bone trying to make you miserable, and you have the, the insensitivity to tell me you're happy?
Observer: You know Pearl, it might behoove you to re-evaluate the experiment itself. As a wise old Observer once said, "To constantly repeat the same action, and expect a variant reaction, is surely a sign of madness." Ow!
Pearl: Then why do you keep mouthing off to me? You get the same reaction every time.
Observer: Point taken.
Pearl: Okay, Nelson, as a scientist I must determine for myself what is methodologically incorrect about this setup. I'm going in. You and me are going to trade places for today. Okay, Brain Stem, do it.
Mike: Well gosh, sorry.
Crow: Woah!
Pearl: Now remember Mike, if you try to escape while you are down here, each of these two creeps is willing, able, even anxious to kill you in many different, horrible ways. But, for the sake of scientific control, I want you to relentlessly brow beat them, just like I do. And I will act real bland up on the Satellite, just like you. Goin' up, Chalky.
Bobo: Hehehehe. Hello, Mike.
Observer: Hehe. Mike.
Bobo: Mike.
Observer: Mike.
Bobo: Mike.
Observer: Mike.
Bobo: Mike.
Servo: Well, looks like we got us a free ride!
Crow: Yeah, no movie, no Mike! Cool!
Servo: Party!
Pearl: Not so fast, tinkertoys, we got some cinema to watch. Hey Brain Guy, send up "Quest of the Delta Knights." that'll hurt me so bad!
Servo: Movie Sign! Pearl, that's Movie Sign, meaning he'll kill you if you don't hurry into the theater!
Pearl: Oh! Delightful. I forget what a subtle touch I have sometimes. Goodnight!


Segment 2


Servo: We love you Pearl, you are beautiful.
Crow: You are beautiful and you are wonderful and we love you.
Pearl: Uh-huh, fine, whatever.
Servo: You gave us a mint!
Crow: Will you stay with us forever and ever? And ever?
Pearl: Nope. Hey, Nelson!
Mike: Well, well I'm out.
Bobo: Yeah, I got nothing here, you cheatin' again, Brain Guy?
Observer: Course I am.
Mike: Ah, I gotta tell you guys this is great, just sitting around with a couple of men, doing a little male bonding.
Observer: Yup.
Bobo: Yup.
Mike: You are male aren't you, Brain Guy?
Observer: Woah! Last time I checked, my boy! Hey, ask your girlfriend, she'll tell you I am!
Bobo: Ohhhhh...
Observer: Boom!
Mike: No, no, it's great though. Ya know, just sitting here with a couple of man-sized men, not to have to always be the big, clumsy lummox all the time. Down here that's you, Bobo.
Bobo: Yeah, well ask your girlfriend, she'll tell you I am!
Observer: That doesn't quite work, does it?
Mike: Not a bit, no. Hey uh, whip us up another bottle of single malt here, will ya?
Observer: Can do, Mike sir.
Bobo: I'm sorry we terrorized you and tried to kill you earlier, Mike.
Mike: Ah, it's nothing ya big hairball. I mean c'mon... Kill me? Who hasn't tried?
Bobo: Yeah, true. Oh it's just great to be away from that Lawgiver for a while. Ya know, she can be such a...
Mike: Woah, woah, woah, woah. Tell me about it. Man, you know someday, she's gonna tell me to do something, and I'm just gonna look her right in the eye, and I'm gonna...
Pearl: Nelson!
Observer: Can, can we help you?
Pearl: I'll reign horrible, fiery death on you later for those remarks...
Crow: Haha.
Pearl: Right now I have the conclusions of my evaluations. And I need a break from these two, chattering... objects. Okay, Brain Butt, do it.
Servo: No! You can't go, Pearl.
Crow: Please don't leave us, please, Mintgiver, we love you! Woah! Weird!
Servo: Yuck! Weird.
Mike: Hi, guys. Ya miss me?
Crow: I'm gonna go take a shower. Woof, man.
Mike: Well. Oh yeah? Well, well ask your girlfriend, she'll tell you that I...


Segment 3


Mike: Hehehe. Yes. Hello my friends, today on Satellite of Love, Sunday morning, we are littered with proudness in presenting the Sir Thomas Neville Servo Concert of the Middle Ages Just After the Plague Singers. They will favor us today with an ancient Air on the Delta Knights, in a new setting by Sir Thomas Neville Servo himself. Let's enjoy.
Servo: I sing of the glorious Delta Knights, they live in Europe somewhere. With Archemidies, they eat their Wheaties, and look pretty good in fake hair! I'm not afraid to go out at night. They don't get historical facts just right. They hike up their hair pieces really tight. They look pretty good in fake hair. A sweet Delta lady am I, am I. More fair than the stars in the sky. I'm bold and naughty and love my mommy, and proud to declare I like pie. A sweet Delta lady, I do what I please. I'm strong and I'm savvy, and I've got these. I love to sing air, don't forget the cheese. I'm proud to declare I like pie.
Mike: Ah, fantastic, fantastic. I know I, won't soon forget the cheese. Let us thank the Sir Thomas Neville Servo...
Servo: Oh, I love to mush me buckles in me misses' pidgeon pie. And I love to pop me mashy out and let the bullets fly! But most of all, I love to take me scriffer by the hand, and deedily-die me jacksies on me dickers, they be brand! I love to take me pencil out and scribe into the snow a couple a dozen limericks as dirty as I know! That one! Mike: No, no, now I warned you, please. Please, Please no, Please, Sir Thomas, No. I warned you about the song. Out of my studio. I want all of you out. We've got Movie Sign now, my friends.


Segment 4


Crow: Come on Gretzky. Ow! Hey!
Mike: Sorry, sorry.
Crow: Hey, hey, Mike! There's some sort of a spaceship approaching the port bow!
Mike: Oh, uh, Cambot, give me Rocket Number 11 minus two.
Servo: Cute.
Mike, Crow and Servo: Wow!
Mike: Leonardo DaVinci! Mr. DaVinci, it's an honor to meet you!
Leo: Hey don't worry about it. Call me Leo. And I call you?
Mike: Oh, uh, Mike. And this is Tom and Crow.
Leo: Mike, Tom, Crow is it? Hehe, Crow. I like it. Crow. It's good.
Servo: Wow, Leo, I have to say I'm amazed you're still alive.
Leo: What? You been talking to somebody? What's so amazing I'm still alive?
Mike: I think he just means, ya know, you were born such a long time ago.
Leo: What's a long time ago? Ya know, I watch my back, I stay alive.
Mike: Right, yeah, k. So ya know I have so many questions about your art, about your incredible inventions.
Crow: Or the way the movie's supposed to be taking place. Everybody's English, except maybe it's Greece. You're what? Italian, I assume?
Leo: Yeah.
Crow: What the heck is going on?
Leo: Hey, it's a bad movie.
Crow: Well yeah, but...
Leo: So don't worry about it. Anyway, the reason I come by, I wanted to tell you that this guy who's playin' me... in the movie... he's nothing like me. He, he's a mooch. He, he's a mamma's boy, who should be home with his mother and his little sisters. He's a... he's a mooch ya know?
Mike: Yeah. No, I agree.
Leo: And I wanna tell you that I'm not a mooch. That's why I come by. Should've called first. I'm sorry.
Mike: No, no, that's quite alright. So ya still living in Vinci?
Leo: Yeah. No, I came over in 1907. I live in Queens now.
Servo: Oh. What are you doing now? Are you still inventing things, or...
Leo: Hey, I do what I do, I'm in business. Hey what do you do? I mean Mike, who is this guy? He's asking me questions, he wants me to be dead!
Servo: I didn't...
Leo: Hey what do you need to know what I do? Maybe I come over there and show you what I do!
Mike: No, Leo, no Leo, c'mon... c'mon leave the kid alone. C'mon, he's alright.
Servo: Hehhe... Hehehe...
Leo: Okay, Mike. I got no beef with you. But you talk to him!
Mike: Oh I will. I will. I will.
Servo: Whoo!
Mike: Hey Tom! Listen up. I don't want you to ever ask Leonardo DaVinci what he does for a living. Okay?
Servo: Okay! I won't. Whooo!
Mike: Alright.


Segment 5


Crow: You're not Pearl.
Servo: Oh hi, Not-Pearl. I mean Mike. Hey, wanna look at my Pearl scrapbook with me?
Mike: No, no thanks. Ya know, I see Pearl enough in person thank you.
Servo: You take that back you... you... you big... Not-Pearl!
Mike: Hey ya know, do you guys need to talk? It seems like you may be having some feelings about Pearl not being here anymore.
Crow: We just miss her, Mike!
Servo: Yeah, yeah. Ya know she gave us a mint once!
Crow: A mint that had been on the bottom of her purse for a couple of years, and there was part of a tissue on it and...
Servo: ...and a hair...
Crow: A hair...
Mike: Well I mean it's great that you guys have these wonderful memories to keep you going.
Servo: Thank you.
Crow and Servo: She's calling! She's calling for me!
Crow: No, she's calling for me!
Servo: No, she loved me first, she loved me first! She loves me more!
Crow: Pearl? Pearl?
Bobo: Oh, mama! Hey kid, you going to finish those? Let me give you a hand there, huh?
Pearl: Oh hi Nel-creep! Oh... Hi phony gold creep and poor, sighing red creep. Hey get a load of this, the Delta Knights reserved this place for their annual pancake breakfast long before we even moved in!
Bobo: Would somebody please pass the syrup?
Observer: More cake of pan, Pearl?
Pearl: Mmm, please.
Bobo: Oh lay that on me there. Good. Good. Keep 'em coming and we need more syrup over here.
Frank: Well what do you know? Another successful pancake breakfast.
Pearl: Yeah.
Frank: Thanks for your help. Bobo. Pearl.
Pearl: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey didn't you guys used to roam the countryside defending the weak... or some crap like that?
Frank: Yeah, I think there's something about that in the by-laws. Isn't that right, Tim?
Tim: You got that right, Frank.
Frank: Ah, I don't know. We pretty much got it distilled down to just pancake breakfasts now. In fact everyone, I'd like to announce that, thanks to this year's successful pancake breakfast, we've raised enough funds for... next year's pancake breakfast!
Tim: And in celebration, hard candy for everyone!



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