||Touch of Satan
Servo: Well I'm sorry, Mike.
Mike: Well, there. You just did it again.
Servo: What the... Oh, geez!
Mike: Hi, everyone. Welcome to the Satellite of Love. Servo and I here were just talking...
Servo: Look, I didn't mean to turn you on and I'm really sorry.
Mike: Well you know, ever since Robert Palmer introduced the concept of accidental turn-ons in his song "I Didn't Mean to Turn You On," well there's been a lot of involuntary on-turning around here.
Crow: Hey there, guys, what's up?
Crow: Oh no! Did I just turn you on again?
Servo: Yes, you know you did. Geez.
Crow: Boy. I am sorry. I tried not to turn you on but I guess I unintentionally did.
Mike: You know, let's all try to be a little more careful about turning each other on, okay?
Crow: That's... sure, Mike.
Servo: Right, Mike. Yeah.
Mike: And you folks at home? Be a little more careful and don't involuntarily turn anyone on, okay? Now we'll be right back.
Crow and Servo: Now, Mike!
Mike: Did I turn you on?
Crow: I think you meant to.
Mike: I mean, look at me. I'm just standing here. I didn't mean to turn you on. I mean, why...
Servo: Oh, sure.
Crow: Now, now there! There! You did so mean to turn me on that time!
Servo: Okay, I admit it. I turned you on on purpose, okay? 'Cause I was upset, so I turned you on. So big deal.
Mike: Well now you just turned me on. Can't you do anything without turning people on? It just...
Servo: Oh, that's nice.
Mike: I can't believe it.
Servo: You had to turn me on so...
Crow: I did not! That you did!
Mike: You turned around and you turned me on.
Servo: For crying out loud...
Pearl: You couldn't turn me on if you had a dozen naked Gerardos and Fabio in tight, leather pants. Uh... Oh... Where, where was I? Oh, right. I'm remodeling the Great Hall; I'm putting in a conversation pit. And the couch I had picked out for it came in early so I need you guys to store it for me. Brain Guy?
Observer: Yes, madam.
Pearl: And no jumping on the couch.
Servo: Yay! Thanks, Grandma Pearl!
Crow: Watch, you guys, I'm gonna do something cool. You can see my legs! You can see my legs!
Servo: Oh, cool! Whee!
Pearl: Grandma Pearl does not want you jumping on that couch! Get off right now! Don't! Don't squeeze those juice boxes on that couch!
Servo: Juice on you!
Crow: Squirting all over on everything! It's fun!
Servo: It's fun! It's fun!
Pearl: Oh, we can't have nice things. That's it. That is it. I am going to give you such a movie.
Mike, Crow and Servo: We don't care!
Pearl: Bobo... Brain Guy... Get... the movie.
Pearl: We have ways of dealing with ne'er-do-wells who insist on jumping on our rent-to-own couches. Your movie...
Pearl: ...is called...
Mike: Pearl, please... Whatever you're thinking, please don't.
Crow: Please, we didn't...
Servo: It was Mike's fault! He made us do it! I'm sorry, Mike!
Mike, Crow and Servo: Oh, we got Movie Sign!
Crow: Say, Mike! Given the incredibly depraved attitude regarding women in today's movie, I knew you'd want me to make a short film for boys and young men teaching them how to treat the fairer sex with a proper and healthy respect. Uh, Mike. Mike!
Mike: Uh yeah, sure!
Crow: So uh, good. I went ahead and did it anyway and hopefully it'll help just a little. Let's watch. Ah, women. Women, women, women, women, women, women, women. Hahahaha. For you young fellows fresh on the cusp of a blooming manhood, the questions abound. What are women like? What do women want? How should I treat a women? Perhaps the thorniest problem facing any young man is finding a woman in the first place! It turns out to be nearly impossible. This reporter spent countless hours searching for a woman, like these pictured here, to no avail. The nearest we came during a tense stakeout was this fellow, who experts believe is not a woman. We begin to wonder: where are all the women? The over-heated references in poetry, the images that dominate our media... Is it all an elaborate fraud? This grainy photograph is the only direct evidence we have of a woman in her natural environment. The longer hair, the gentle and nurturing demeanor, are typical of how witnesses describe their supposed encounters with women. This footprint, while possibly the work of jokesters, is another piece of the puzzle. And it is hard to discount this man's terrifying story. And then, uh... this woman, well I think it was a woman, she uh... married me. And did you have any children, sir? I don't remember! Someday perhaps, an actual woman will emerge and they will no longer exist only in the realm of myth and maybe. Oh, um... yeah. So anyway, Mike. My conclusion... In the off-chance that you do run into a woman, uh... You know, treat her with respect and stuff.
Mike: You know Crow, you do know women. What about Pearl?
Crow: Okay, so one woman exists. That means all women exist?
Mike: We'll be right back.
Crow: Name me one other woman. Good.
Mike: Well, ac...
Crow: Come on...
Servo: Hey what up there, Russell Crow?
Crow: Oh, I've set up a crisis hotline for people who have been traumatized by watching this film.
Servo: A customer!
Crow: People and Robots Who've Had to Watch Hobgoblins Crisis Hotline! Hello?
Bobo: Oh, oh. Yes. Hello. I'm in a deep crisis which is very, very deep. And I need to know that you won't hang up on me like all those other crisis hotlines.
Crow: Ah, have no fear. I can handle anything! Um, it is related to watching the movie Hobgoblins, right?
Bobo: Oh, oh, oh! Yes, of course it relates to watching the movie Hobgoblins. That's why I called. Anyway, one day I was watching the movie Hobgoblins one day, when I realized, while watching the movie Hobgoblins, that I was in love with a woman very close to me... A woman not of my species.
Crow: Uck, uck, uck! That is disgusting! Ew, I need a shower now. Yuck!
Bobo: Ah! Wait, don't hang up! I need her! Though she can be very mean to me, I'm obsessed with her. I want her in every way. Emotionally, spiritually, physically...
Crow: Yuck! Stop telling me this, you freak! I'm gonna be sick all over the place!
Servo: Hang up.
Crow: Um, I have another call... See ya.
Servo: Hang up.
Bobo: No! I'll die without her! She's a chimpanzee and her name is Emily. And I don't care if anyone... Hello? Oh, rats. Another hang-up. Well, let's see who's next on the list. Butterball... Turkey... Hotline.
Crow: Oh, boy. I mean, why do these people even call if they have nothing but twisted, perverted filth on their minds?
Servo: I think it must be your radiant compassion that draws 'em.
Crow: You're probably right.
Servo: Movie Sign!
Mike: Boy that sure is a bad movie, won't you?
Servo: It sure is, you know.
Crow: Say fellas, here's a little song about that movie Hobgoblins.
Mike: Are you kidding me?
Servo: Then let's go!
Mike, Crow and Servo: Hobgoblins, Hobgoblins... What do you do with those Hobgoblins? They are over here, they are over there! Those darn Hobgoblins are everywhere.
Pearl: Pinky. Brain. Take a look at this. Something is different.
Mike, Crow and Servo: As we sing the Hobgoblins song... today!
Pearl: I dunno. Sorta flat and... lifeless.
Observer: They're cardboard cut-outs.
Pearl: Exactly. Like they're cardboard cut-outs.
Bobo: I dunno. I think they're rockin' today!
Observer: No, I... They actually are cardboard cut-outs.
Pearl: Well, they're not that bad.
Bobo: You kiddin'? They're on fire!
Observer: Listen, you idiots! And Pearl, you of course, too. It's a fake Mike and fake Robots made of cardboard. Look.
Mike: Look out, here comes one now!
Crow: Watch out now, you little doo-dad!
Servo: Something's sure going to happen!
Mike: Well, I think we all learned a big lesson about Hobgoblins today. Stupid thing... If you could just...
Servo: Hoo boy.
Mike, Crow and Servo: Hobgoblins, Hobgoblins... What do you... Run, run!
Pearl: You get back into that theater, Nel-son-of-a... Try to pull the wool over my eyes, indeed. Remember, I'm watching you, my friend. Nothing gets by me, nothing!
Bobo: Here's a nice fat one for ya.
Pearl: Oh, thank you.
Bobo: You're welcome.
Pearl: Oooooh! Bobo!
Servo: Hehe. Good work, Servo. Nice job.
Mike: Hey, clown head.
Servo: Hey there, Mike. You know how we really didn't care for that stupid movie today?
Servo: Well, by using our time machine, I went back to the early Eighties and I took care of our little Rick Sloane problem, if you know what I mean. Hehehe.
Mike: What? Servo! You don't... You don't mean you k-k-k...
Servo: I sure did, Mike! I hunted down Rick Sloane, and I kicked him, Mike! Right in the shin! Hahahaha! I'm sorry, friend, it's gruesome I know, but I had to take matters into my own hands.
Mike: Well I thought that, you... you know. You had gone back and.. terminated him. You know.
Servo: What do you mean terminate? Terminate! What are you... What are you, nuts?! I hate guns! I hate 'em! How could you ever get that idea?
Mike: I don't know.
Servo: Well anyway, by going back and giving our Mr. Sloane a firm, swift blow to the shin, I've changed the course of events and Hobgoblins is no more. Hahahahaha!
Crow: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! You guys...
Crow: I'm doing my biography of Rick Sloane here, doin' my research... And listen to this: "Rick Sloane says the inspiration for his movie Hobgoblins is like a stout, red automaton kicking him in the shins."
Servo: Stout? Stout, he said stout? The bastard, I'm going back to kill him.
Mike: No, no. You know, I've got to put a child lock on our time machine.
Crow: Good idea.
Servo: Let me go. Grrr...
Pearl: Mike, Servo, Art... I took away the couch and brought it back down here.
Pearl: You are all old enough to be taking some responsibility for some of our things. Couches do not grown on trees.
Bobo: Hey, can I have some of your Welch's grape juice?
Observer: Sure, if I can have some of that seal coat!
Bobo: You bet! Hehehe!
Pearl: There was a nice antique I was thinking of sending up there, there was a particular office chair I know you would've enjoyed, Crow. But I don't know that I can trust you with any home furnishings ever again. Bobo! Brain Guy! Who wants candy?
Bobo: Oh, I do!
Observer: I do, I do!
Pearl: I don't mean to yell... I just really want everyone to stay off the couch.
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