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905 Deadly Bees 05/09/98
906 Space Children 06/13/98
907 Hobgoblins 06/27/98



Short: Century 21 Calling 906 Space Children A Best Brains Production
Transcripts by DeRaptor@yahoo.com
Prologue
Segment 1
Segment 2
Segment 3
Segment 4
Segment 5
906.wav "These monorail designers, they have a one-track mind." -Crow
"Why do you lash out like that?" -Mike
"I don't know." -Crow
61k



Prologue


Crow: Well, thanks, Servo, that was really great...
Servo: Ah, ya betcha, Crow, stop in any time!
Crow: Sure!
Mike: A kissing booth? What for?
Servo: Well, I gotta come up with some capital so I can open my chain of kissing booths!
Mike: Oh uh, well what kinda kisses do ya have?
Servo: Well, let's see, I've got a full-on-the-mouth lame aggression kiss, that's kinda nice...
Mike: No...
Servo: I have an unwelcome, opportunistic Christmas party kiss, that's popular... How about the cigarettey kiss from a woman named Vi? 'S one of my favorites.
Mike: No, y'know, I was thinkin' of kind of a dry, perfunctory gramma kiss.
Servo: Well, okay, but, no tongue...
Mike: Eww...
Servo: No no, I mean, I don't have a tongue, so don't be dissapointed...
Mike: Oh! Well, that's a good thing...
Servo: Come on over here honey... Mwah... there ya go! Heheh, that'll be $49.95, cash or major credit card.
Mike: We'll be right back... Uh, I don't mean to complain, that was dry and perfunctory, but it seemed more Aunt-like than Gramma-like...
Servo: Really?


Segment 1


Mike: Uh, Tom?
Servo: Later... Practicing... Like it...
Mike: Ugh...
Crow: Aw, come on, give someone else a crack at those lips...
Mike: Ah!
Crow: Woah.
Mike: Uh, may I help you?
Lacks: Nope, got it all under control, thanks...
Mike: Okay, well let me know if you need anything, Now Tom....Hey, wait a minute, what are you doing here?!
Crow: Yeah!
Lacks: Well, I'm installin', uh, three handsets, uh, local switching bay for six lines, all call PA, an' uh, full duplex conferencing.
Mike: Oh! Great... Uh, I'm guessing a woman in a castle sent you up here?
Lacks: Yep... woman... albino... an' a hairy fella...
Mike: Sure...
Pearl: Mike Nelson, call on line two, Mike Nelson...
Mike: Right here? Okay... Yello?
Pearl: Nelson? Good, you're there.
Mike: Yeah, what can I do for ya, Pearl?
Pearl: No, it's what you can do for me... See, I'm setting up an all-station phone conference for...now, can ya make it? Good, I wanna get you up to speed on our new state-of-the-art phone system, which will make taking over the world easier through more efficient officing.
Mike: Okay, office away!
Pearl: Hang on, I'll get the others on the line...
Crow: Um... yello?
Pearl: Mr. Crow, Please hold for a conference call...
Crow: Awright.
Servo: Would you? ...Talk to me.
Pearl: Mr. Servo, please stay on line for a conference call...
Mike: Officing.
Servo: Huh.
Crow: Yeh.
Mike: Uh... What... Hello, c-can you hear me? I'm havin' a little... Can you hear me, hello?
Pearl: ...I can hear you...
Servo: Hello, are you there?
Crow: Hello? Hello?
Crow: I can't hear you... Turn down your radio... Hello?
Mike: Y'know what? It's very... it's very hard to hear you... Why don't you hang up and dial... dial *69...
Servo: Hello are ya there?...all I'm gettin is a... box or something...
Pearl: Dammit... Hello? ...Hello!
Observer: Hello... hello... I can hear you, can you hear me?
Bobo: Hello, I can barely hear you. Hello?
Pearl: Okay, you orbiting doorknobs, I guess you need a lesson in how to use a simple phone. So before you start your painful movie, "Space Children", I order you to watch this painful short, feature "Century 21 Calling", on how simple the phone of the future is! Oh boys, I have a special call for you.
Bobo: Oh, I love special calls...
Bobo and Observer: Ow! D'oh!
Pearl: Into the theater, youse!
Crow: Hello...
Mike: Hello...
Servo: Hello!
Mike, Crow and Servo: Movie Sign!


Segment 2


Crow: Huh.
Servo: Ah huh.
Crow: Yeah, he's uh... He's doin' that guy...
Servo: Little fella... from the...
Crow: ...from the short.
Servo: ...short film.
Crow: Yeah it's... pretty...
Servo: Really...
Crow: Really... entertaining, really...
Servo: Really neat...
Crow: Pretty great...
Servo: Well?
Crow: Yeah, I uh... I think it's time...
Servo: Yep, let's go.
Servo: Ah, there.
Crow: Very nice.
Servo: Yeah. So, lunch?
Crow: Again? Why, sure!
Servo: Heheheh... yum.


Segment 3


Mike, Crow and Servo: Four... three... two... one... Blastoff! Yay!
Servo: Here we go... Oh for g...
Crow: What?
Mike: Oh fer c... Oh, I'll check.
Servo: Oh man, Mike.
Mike: Okay, gotta be careful aroun... Now remember don't turn it on until I say, okay?
Servo: What? Turn it on?
Mike: No. Eh, oh... Uh, now Pearl's calling...
Servo: What?
Mike: No, don't turn it on!
Servo: Okay!
Pearl: Model rocketry?
Observer: Oh, oh I'm sorry!
Pearl: Model rocketry? I'll show you model rocketry. Take a look at what I got... In fact, now that I think about it, does the word "model" make any sense at all?
Observer: No!
Pearl: What I got goin' is way beyond model rockets: I got a rocket! Go get the monkey.
Observer: Yes...
Pearl: Sure, at this point I'm lagging behind the other superpowers in the race to dominate space but as soon as I launch my first monkey into space, there is going to be such...
Bobo: But I'm too scared to go into space!
Pearl: Eh, we're training you. Now shut up and get in the centrifuge.
Bobo: Okay...
Pearl: See, the way I figure it, I got a monkey. Why not develop a space program around that monkey? No reason at all!
Observer: Monkey in the centrifuge ma'am!
Pearl: 'Course, I can't take all the credit, it was Brain Guy here who pointed out to me that we have a monkey...
Observer: Well, I...
Pearl: Nuhuhuhuh, don't be modest. You're the one who realized we have a monkey...
Observer: I suposse I did! Heheh...Ow! Ooh! What is this sharp thing in my side? Ow... Oh! It... it's simply the pin that holds the passenger compartment to the centrifuge itself. Eh... I don't suposse I uh...
Bobo: Aaaaah!
Observer: That was fun, Let's do it again!
Pearl: The point is, Nelson, you can just sit down 'cuz I got a space program!
Observer: Come on now, big fella, let's take another ride...
Servo: Da da dum dada da dum daaa... Oh! Don't turn it on! Eheheheheh... Woah, Movie Sign! Live an' learn!


Segment 4


Crow: Mike! Servo! Fashion means Coogan! Uh, guys, where'd you go...? D'oh! There you are. Gee whiz...
Mike: Ow. Hey, whadja doin'...
Servo: My sandwich...
Crow: Get up there!
Servo: Geez, what'sa matter?
Crow: Mike! Servo! Fashion means Coogan!
Servo: It does?
Mike: Okay. I'm gonna go finish my sandwich.
Crow: No!
Servo: What?
Crow: I designed more great clothes for Jackie Coogan, and I have sketches and you guys hafta look at 'em!
Servo: Well I don' wanna!
Crow: Yes!
Mike: Oh, okay. Where are the dumb things?
Crow: Great! C'mon Mike, you know the drill: pick up the cards.
Servo: Stupid cards... pictures 'n'... Gah!
Crow: Mr. Coogan's un-self-conciously feminine robe gave me the courage to make him this tight, black, knit little number, with matching clutch! Jackie's smashing looking short shorts were the inspiration for this German dance-hall outfit, with one hundred percent cowhide riding crop. Let's talk lingerie!
Servo: I don' wanna!
Crow: Coogan gets coquettish! In this gauzy baby doll with frilly peekaboo panty!
Mike: Now come on, Crow. W... okay, so Coogan wore some goofy outfits in this movie but can't we leave him with a modicum of dignity?
Crow: No! No we can't, Mike! I'm hurting, I've got to lash out, and we're gonna see this thing through to the end! Next card!
Servo: Dah!
Crow: Here's the ultra-dignified Mr. Coogan, getting a teensy bit naughty, in this french-cut thong singlet. Smart on the beach, or poolside.
Mike: He's got a lot a anger. You better come back later.
Crow: Wanna see even more of Jackie? This crocheted banana warmer should do the trick.
Mike: Oh!
Servo: Gah!
Mike: Oh!


Segment 5


Mike: Boy, that St. Matthew is a crackin' good screenwriter.
Crow: Oh yeah!
Servo: Sure is.
Crow: Say! Whaddaya know, it's that blob from the movie! The blob sent from Heaven...
Mike: Well he must want us to get rid of our nuclear bombs...
Crow: He says yes!
Mike: I don't think we have any nuclear bombs Mr. Holy Blob... Uh, Crow, any nuclear bombs?
Crow: Oh, nary a one, Mike.
Mike: Servo, you got any...
Servo: Oh, no, no, no, none at all. Nope, no nuclear bombs here. Sorry, no siree. Hehe. Well, maybe one.
Mike: Servo!
Servo: D... I wouldn't call it a nuclear bomb per se. It's really... more of like a neutron device, y'know? ...What's the big deal, you guys?! I mean, look... I like to cruise the state sales, I bought it at one of those. I thought it might be a good deterrant against uh, you guys some day.
Crow: Wow..
Servo: Oh alright, geez. I'll go to my room and get it. It's under the bed. Stupid peace-loving blob from Heaven anyway. I dunno...
Mike: Oh, oops. Pearl's calling.
Crow: So, get you a beer, holy blob? Comin' right up.
Observer: Ten... nine... eight... seven... six... three... four... D'oh. Dammit, let me start again... Uh, ten... nine...
Pearl: You wanna see some real rocketry, Major Nelson? We are sending eight hundred pounds of pure, undiluted monkey into orbit.
Observer: ...zero...liftoff! We have liftoff!
Pearl: It's beautiful, isn't it?
Observer: Ah, yes it is.
Bobo: It sure is. Oh... Oh... Oh dear... I was supossed to be in that, wasn't I? Oh my. Well, you see, the thing is, I forgot my Three Musketeers! So I got out of the capsule, because all there was in the capsule was Tang to eat and I knew I'd get hungry for my chocolatey Three Musketeers so I got out of the capsule in order to get my...
Observer: ...Three Musketeers. Yes, right.
Bobo: ..and I must have forgotten to get back in. Oh, ho! Sorry, maybe...
Pearl: Tha... that means... no one is steering the rocket. It might start...
Observer: ...turning and heading straight for us!
Bobo: I love you, Brain Guy!
Observer: I love you too, Bobo!
Pearl: Oh, you guys!
Observer: Nice... meeting you, Pearl. I mean, that was quite nice...



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