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903 Pumaman 04/04/98
904 Werewolf 04/18/98
905 Deadly Bees 05/09/98



904 Werewolf A Best Brains Production
Prologue
Segment 1
Segment 2
Segment 3
Segment 4
Segment 5
904.wav "But after this, we're sounding nuts." -Noel
"I've replaced my toes with grapes." -Crow
35k
904a.wav "You can't say that. You're gonna get in trouble. That's a really stupid joke and I'm gonna tell Mike." -Crow
"I don't care. What's Mike gonna go, anyways? Hehe." -Servo
"Hey, guys." -Mike
"Ah!" -Servo
80k



Prologue


Mike: A film called "Operation Dumbo Drop". Talk about that.
Crow: Snap out of it, Mike!
Servo: Hi, everybody. Welcome. Mike tripped over my yam collection, fell on his head. Now the poor dope thinks he's James Lipton, host of that inside the actor's studio program on oh... I dunno, some channel. Hell, I don't watch cable.
Mike: Then, of course, you had a small but crucial role in Harold Robbins' "The Lonely Lady." The star, of course, was Pia Zadora. You two became soulmates.
Crow: No we didn't. Stop it, Mike!
Servo: You see, now he thinks Crow is Ray Liotta and he's trying to interview him and it's driving Crow crazy! Well, let's watch, shall we?
Mike: "Unlawful Entry", of course, a brilliant turn. A breakout role for you. You used to trade soup recipes with Kurt Russell on the set. Talk about that.
Crow: No, Mike! You're not well.
Mike: Whoopi Goldberg told me you smell like apples. True?
Crow: What? That does it, Mike. I'm gettin' the clown hammer.
Mike: Are you really a "GoodFella"? Uh-huh. Give us the inside story on Tom Hulce's dog. Uh-huh. Joe Pesci's mother made you weep. How?
Servo: Sorry. Heh. We'll be right back.
Mike: You called Kevin Dobson your real reason for living. Can you tell me why?
Servo: Sad, really.
Mike: Mmm-hmm. Yes.


Segment 1


Mike: Students, please join me in thanking Mr. William Katt.
Servo: Oh, boy.
Mike: Truly, you are the greatest American hero.
Servo: There he goes. Hehehehe.
Crow: Boy, I sure hated to do that.
Mike: Guys!
Servo: What?
Mike: What are you dressing me as James Lipton for, you weirdos? We have to get going on our escape plan.
Servo: Well, I'm sorry. Hey!
Crow: Hey.
Mike: Crow, have the Nanites constructed my modular descent unit yet?
Crow: Uh, yeah! Sure. Why not?
Mike: Then, since we are in high, geosynchronous orbit, I will descend and jump off on some unknown location on present-day planet Earth.
Servo: Uh, then of course you'll alert the authorities and rescue us, right?
Mike: Uh... Time permitting uh, sure.
Servo: Great. That certainly sounds reasonable.
Crow and Servo: Hey!
Mike: Boy, it's really a long way down. Have not made contact with Earth yet. Over.
Crow: Uh, keep going, you big dope... Over.
Mike: What was that? Over.
Crow: Nothing! Over.
Mike: I thought you said something. Over.
Crow: No. Over.
Mike: But I said it was a long way down and then you said...
Crow: Look, would you just drop it? Over.
Mike: Geez, okay. Alright. I'm through the atmosphere now and am approaching a large structure of some sort. I am opening a hatch of some sort and am dropping the ladder in. I will enter the actual structure now, which appears to be a barn of some sort or a militant eatery. It is an eatery. I will approach one of the patrons and attempt to gather information on my where... whereabouts.
Pearl: Brain Guy.
Observer: Yeah.
Mike: Turned around and then just... Ah, okay. Got to get up and watch my movie, which is what again?
Pearl: Werewolf.
Mike: Uh, Brain Guy, you wouldn't want to beam me back up there, would ya?
Observer: No.
Mike: Didn't think so. I guess I'll get back up and watch my... Uh, I'm going to scrub this one, guys. Over.
Servo: Uh, yup. Get pasty butt up here now. Over.
Mike: Uh, what's that? Over.
Crow: Uh, nevermind. Movie Sign! Uh, over and out.
Mike: No, no. I swear you said something about what... Hey, get back here!


Segment 2


Mike: Boy, that Joe Estevez is one compelling performer. He's really lighting up the screen, I tell you.
Servo: Woo!
Crow: He could really show his brother, Martin Sheen, a thing or two about acting.
Servo: Heh. Yeah, I'm sure glad he's in this werewolf movie.
Crow: Yeah.
Mike: Yeah. Oh, which reminds me... Uh, did you guys have any time to think about what I asked? You know, who would you want in your werewolf movie?
Crow: Ah. Sure, Mike. But why don't you go first?
Servo: Sure.
Mike: Oh, sure. Okay. Well uh, first off I think I would have Burt Reynolds' brother Tim Reynolds.
Crow and Servo: Ah.
Mike: And you know if that didn't work out, I would... I would go for Emilio Klugman.
Servo: Sure.
Crow: Uh-huh.
Mike: And uh, you know maybe as a role as a biker or something like that, I would go for Don Knotts' tougher brother, Spike Knotts.
Servo: Ooh.
Crow: Ah, that's a good idea.
Mike: Servo?
Servo: Ah thanks, Mike. Well, I play by a slightly more freestyle set of rules than you, Mike. To wit, my first choice in my werewolf movie would be one Mr. Sammy Hatch, brother of Senator Horn.
Crow: Yeah.
Servo: Then I'd certainly go for Michael Dubaque's brother, Jake Dubaque.
Crow: Mmm-hmm.
Servo: Or Louis Pasteur's brother Greg. Alas, no longer in this mortal coil, but a great choice for my werewolf movie. Or um... Chip Hitler.
Mike: Yeah.
Crow: Chip Hitler.
Mike: You know, I admire your free-wheeling style. It really opened up the possibilities.
Servo: Thanks, Mike!
Mike: Crow? Who would you want in your werewolf movie?
Crow: Ah, you know, I don't know, you guys. I tried, but for some reason, all I could think of was... Ray Liotta.
Servo: Ray Liotta?
Mike: Huh. Well that's weird, I mean...
Servo: Wouldn't you rather have like Ray Liotta's brother or...?
Mike: Yeah.
Crow: Well, I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm just not good at this as you guys. I'm really sorry.
Servo: Just Ray Liotta.
Crow: Cha. Damn.
Mike: Well.
Crow: Damn.
Mike: Despite that last awkward moment, I think we all really enjoyed playing "Who would you want in your werewolf movie?"
Servo: Yes, try it at home! Hehehe. Hehe.
Mike: It's fun, you'll see.
Servo: Yeah.
Mike: Goodbye.
Crow: I dunno, you guys. I think Ray Liotta would make an okay werewolf.
Servo: Crow, he smells like apples.
Crow: Oh, right. Right.
Servo: For cryin' out loud.


Segment 3


Servo: Hey, Susie! What's the matter?
Crow: Yeah, Susie. What's wrong?
Mike: Oh, nothing. I guess.
Servo: C'mon, Susie. You can tell us.
Crow: Yeah.
Mike: Well I dunno, girls. Okay, it's like this.
Crow and Servo: Uh-huh?
Mike: You know Steve?
Crow and Servo: Uh-huh!
Mike: Steve's a werewolf, but he's my guy. He's different from the rest, I don't know why. But my mother and pop, they disapprove, but no on can stop us, for it's true loove.
Crow and Servo: Huh?
Mike: Well, I had to rhyme the two words. They're not the same.
Servo: Loove? Ah, okay. Got it, got it. Go ahead.
Crow: What? Sure, go on.
Mike: Where, o werewolf. I've looked everywhere, wolf. Where, o where... Where is my werewolf? Listen up, girls.
Servo: Okay.
Mike: Late one night, we drove in his car. To makeout point, it wasn't that far.
Servo: Take the Hiawatha exit, left at the first stop sign!
Crow: Shh!
Mike: Well whose story is this, Carol?
Servo: Sorry. Hehehehe.
Mike: The Moon was full, he pulled me close. I held his paw and I touched his cold nose.
Crow: That means he's healthy! Hehe.
Mike: But just then, his hairy paws caused the wheel to slide! I screamed, too late. We hit a tree. He died.
Crow and Servo: Gee, that's too bad, Susie.
Mike and Servo: Where, o werewolf... I've looked everywhere, wolf. Where, o where? O where, o where, o where is my werewolf?
Crow: Werewolf. Well, fun.
Servo: Yeah, it's fun to play a girl group, even if it's just for awhile.
Crow: Yeah, just awhile.
Mike: Yeah. Yeah, that was fun.
Crow: Yeah. Well. Hey, say Mike, you didn't really go out with a guy named Steve who died, did you?
Servo: Huh?
Mike: Well you know, there is this one time...
Servo: D'oh! Movie Sign.
Mike: Oh, later! We got Movie Sign!
Servo: Save it for later.


Segment 4


Crow: Well, it's very simple, Mike. Just don't fall on me anymore.
Mike: Well if you weren't so sharp and pointy... I think I'm going to need stitches.
Crow: Well pick up your feet next time, you big... Hey! Hey Mike, there's something about you, I don't know, but suddenly you are a very, very handsome man!
Mike: Really?
Crow: Yeah, I can't believe I never noticed how striking you are! I mean, you are a God!
Mike: Well, thanks. You might just...
Servo: Ah!
Mike : What, what?
Servo: Mike, look at your hands! Feel your head!
Mike: Hmm. Well, so I have claws and a net. What's the big... Hey, wait a minute.
Crow: Ah, when you stupidly fell on me, some of my essence must've mingled with your essence.
Servo: Uck! Don't say "essence." Uck.
Mike: Yeah, you know what? I am beginning to look and feel like you. And you know what? I'm...
Mike and Crow: ...perfectly comfortable with that. Yes, that's exactly what I think!
Servo: Oh, he's a Werecrow! A Werecrow!
Crow: Okay, so tell me how you feel.
Mike: Well, I feel thin...
Crow: Uh-huh.
Mike: Uh, I have an intense love for bacon...
Crow: Oh, yeah.
Mike: ...and a sense of moral superiority over everyone I meet.
Crow: Yes, perfect! You're me! Oh, this is turning out great.
Mike: Oh, man. I love us.
Crow: Ah, me too.
Servo: Will you excuse me? I'm going to go throw up all over myself.
Mike: Yeah, whatever. So what else can I expect?
Crow: Well, your voice is going to change inexplicably every seven years or so.
Mike: Okay, good.
Crow: You'll start ordering salad spinners by the truckload from QVC!
Mike: Already have.
Crow: Great! Oh, uh-oh.
Mike and Crow: We'll be right back.
Mike: Hehe. What else?
Crow: Well, you'll have to hide your huge collection of tattoo magazines.
Mike: Ooh, good point. Hehe.
Crow: Yeah.


Segment 5


Mike: Hehehe. Well.
Crow: Yeah. Well, you look just like me now.
Mike: I am! I'm just like you. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining.
Crow: Well, why would you? You look great. Hey, turn around. Let me see all of you. Hehe. Heck, I'll be taking pointers from you pretty soon. Hehehe.
Mike: Hehehehe. Hey, isn't it great being better than everybody else?
Crow: It sure is.
Servo: Oh hi, Crow. Hi, Crow.
Mike: Oh, no. I'm a Mike. I'm just a Werecrow. You know, Crow here says pretty soon he's going to be taking pointers from me!
Servo: Yeah, that's great. Look, I uh, found some essence of Mike I had stored. Just inject a little and uh, you'll be back to normal.
Mike: Oh, okay. I'll do it when I'm sick of being Crow. Uh, hey... Where'd you get it, anyway?
Servo: I'd rather not say.
Crow: Eww.
Servo: Powerful, though.
Mike: Ah.
Servo: Spilled a little on me, now I've got blond hair. Plus I've got that feeling like I'm from Wisconsin.
Crow: Wow.
Servo: Really weird.
Mike: Yeah.
Servo: I think I gotta lie down.
Crow: Mmm-hmm.
Mike: Yeah, yeah. Well, we better see what Pearl's doing.
Crow: Uh, you gotta hit it with your head.
Mike: Oh, right.
Crow: Yeah. Good.
Mike: Hahahaha.
Pearl: Time to watch me now. Some say it couldn't be done, but drawing inspiration from today's movie, I am ready to do what the world has been putting off for some time: injecting the essence of a wolf into a man. Bring me the peasant! Hahahahaha! Now bring me the wolf.
Bobo: Okay, but he's pretty vicious. Look out for those fangs. I don't think I can control him... Rrr. Well, you try getting a wolf after midnight. There aren't any 24-hour wolf-o-mats.
Observer: Well, I got the peasant!
Bobo: Oh, like it's really hard to get a peasant around here. Geez, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a peasant. I think I did pretty good.
Pearl: Well, the experiment's shot because of Bobo.
Observer: Yeah.
Pearl: Should we start a "We Hate Bobo" club?
Observer: Let's.
Pearl and Observer: I'm president! Jinx! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten!
Bobo: I could've gotten alot of peasants! Anyway, you're a little wolf isn't you? Oh, is it going to bite me? Oh, don't you bite me! Look out, he's going to eat me! Oh, oh! He's eating me! Oh, I'm dying! Oh, oh! It's terrible! Oh, oh, oh!



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