Experiments MSTies Anonymous SOL Post The Club MSTie Net



809 I Was a Teenage Werewolf 04/19/97
810 Giant Spider Invasion 05/31/97
811 Parts: the Clonus Horror 06/07/97



810 Giant Spider Invasion A Best Brains Production
Transcripts by gecko@i-55.com
Prologue
Segment 1
Segment 2
Segment 3
Segment 4
Segment 5
810.wav "Wow, starring Alan 'D'oh' Hale!" -Mike 29k



Prologue


Mike: Hi, everyone. Mike Nelson...
Crow: Hi.
Mike: ...here, welcome to the Satellite of...
Servo: Are you ready for some spirit?!
Mike: Huh?
Servo: All right! All right! All right! Don't you want to hear it! The Satellite of Love has got oddles of spirit! Yay!
Crow: Okay.
Servo: Give me an S!
Mike: No.
Servo: Give me an A!
Crow: Hmm... No.
Servo: Give me a, give me a T!
Mike: Nuh-uh.
Servo: Well come on you gotta give me somethin'.
Crow: Well, technically we don't really.
Servo: Aww, come on. Just give me the other T.
Mike: Well, what do we get out of it?
Crow: Yeah!
Servo: Uh... Spirit.
Crow: Huh.
Servo: Woo! Hahaha.
Crow: Okay. We can give you an M, an R, a small x, and one L.
Servo: So, MRxL then. Woo! The Satellite of Love has got MRxL! MRxL! MRxL! Have you got as much, uh-uh uh-uh, MRxL as us?! I don't think so.
Mike: We'll be right back.
Servo: We got the MRxL and you got none! Huh, huh, huh.
Mike and Crow: MRxL.
Crow: Yes... Right.


Segment 1


Servo: MRxL! Uh-huh! MRxL! MRxL! MRxL! MRxL! Woo! Okay, now throw me up, Mike. MRxL! Ow... Ow.
Mike: Oh, Earl of Pearl is calling.
Servo: MRxL.
Pearl: Hey, Smellson. Felling my oats today. Spritle, Chim-Chim, and I ran right into a school of sunnies. They were all over our jerk bait like ugly on ape.
Bobo: Hey!
Pearl: Hey shut your cake hole, it's just an expression. All and all a pretty nice trip. We used Brainiac here as a fish locator and then he harvested some wild mushrooms with his mind. We sat by a crystal blue stream having mind-fried rainbow trout. Mmm. It was heaven.
Bobo: I got bit by a rattlesnake in a very embarasing place. Had to suck the poison out myself.
Pearl: I'll never eat again.
Bobo: Then got stung by a scorpion. Oh, found the motherload of deer ticks. Uh, sat in some sandbur. Say, got mauled by a bear. Buried me so he could eat me later, and I had to dig my way out.
Pearl: Whose story is this? Anyway we found some beautiful wild flowers and some of these umm, weird-ass zucchini things. You know you should go camping, oh that's right, you can't!
Pearl and Observer: Hahahaha!
Mike: Well no, but there's plenty of other stuff... Uh... Ow.
Servo: Oh yes you can, Mike! You just got to know how to portage! Haha.
Crow: Ow! Geez!
Servo: You see, with as few good calm rivers and streams as there are on the Satellite of Love, well, one good canoer must know how to portage.
Mike and Crow: Ow!
Crow: Gee-whiz!
Servo: Aw, sorry guys, but I'm portaging.
Mike and Crow: Ow!
Servo: But what is portaging, really? I mean Webster's Dictionary defines it as "Portage: to portage or por-tage."
Crow: Ow!
Servo: But what does it mean for us guys? Uh, guys? Guys?
Mike: Uh, watch... Ow! Uh!
Servo: Portage! Haha.
Pearl: Well, isn't that pleasant and quality.
Observer: Yes umm, thank you.
Pearl: Yes, quality has been inserted into every sector of our day and we wish to share it with you.
Observer: Please accept these lovely and decent throw pillows.
Mike: I thought you said they were zucchini; now they're throw pillows?
Crow: Yeah! Which is it?
Observer: Throw pillows. Zucchini. Well, there a new kind of throw pillow that is a zucchini. Pearl: Zucchini. Throw pillows. Well, they're a kind of zucchini you can use as a...
Pearl: So they're...
Observer: ...zucchini. Pearl: ...throw pillows.
Pearl: They're throw pillows. Please enjoy their fine quality and your movie which is both called "Giant Spider Invasion" and is quite quality.
Mike: Guys, I don't know. I don't think we should accept these zucchini pillows.
Servo: Aww, don't be so suspicious, Mike. Hey, send them babies up! We'll use them in the rumpus room!
Crow: Woah!
Mike: Aah!
Servo: You see, they're perfectly normal overgrown pod-like vegetation, Mike, you nervous Nelly you.
Mike: I think we should send them back right now.... Oh, we got Movie Sign!
Servo: Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!


Segment 2


Mike: Oh, hey Gyps'. What happened to the zucchini throw pillow things that Mrs. Forrester sent us?
Gypsy: I put them in a safe place.
Mike: Okay, and where's that?
Gypsy: Some place where you would meet a horrible demise before laying your polluting fingers upon them.
Servo: So you put them in Mike's laundry basket?!
Crow: Hehehe, good one!
Gypsy: Ha ha ha ha, and now you should sleep. I have prepared warm milk to help you.
Servo: But I'm not tired.
Gypsy: But all beings, however inferior, require sleep.
Mike: Uh, are you okay, Gyps'?
Gypsy: Of course I am, Mitchell Nelson, and now you must sleep. Perhaps a simple lullaby will aid you. Close your eyes, go to sleep, be absorbed by the collective.
Mike: That's great, Gyps'. Get over here. What's wrong with Gypsy?
Gypsy: Hmm-hmm-hmm, hmm-hmm-hmm.
Servo: What are you talking about? She's no different than usual.
Gypsy: Fade away, lose your soul, be replaced by a drone.
Mike: Something's taken her over.
Servo: You have one vivid imagination there.
Crow: Yeah, kinda paranoid if you ask me.
Mike: Paranoid?! Listen...
Gypsy: Let an evil superconsciousness swallow you whole.
Mike: There! There! Have you ever heard her sing about evil superconsciousnesses swallowing us whole?
Servo: Maybe you have a point, Mike.
Crow: Nah, I've heard her sing about that stuff lotsa times.
Mike: That's not her and whatever it is wants us to fall asleep. We have to stay awake no matter what.
Gypsy: Are you approaching a state of relaxing quality sleep yet?
Mike: Hehehe. Just about, we'll be right with you.
Servo: Hehehe... Hehehe...
Mike: We'll be right back.
Gypsy: Hmm-hmm-hmm, hmm-hmm-hmm.
Crow: You see, I think we just forgot her birthday or something.
Gypsy: Surrender now, give it up...


Segment 3


Mike: Boy. Ha, how come you only get tired when you have to stay awake to avoid being replaced by an evil pod creature? Huh, Servo? Hahaha. Servo!
Servo: Uh, I, I am awake, Mike. I could stake awake, I just need a little... shut-eye.
Mike: Okay. No! No, no, no, no. Don't pass out on me now. We have to stay awake to avoid being replaced by a pod creature from Gypsy's evil doppelganger.
Servo: Servo: Uh, please, Mike, döppelgänger. Out of the umlaut, döppelgänger.
Mike: Doppel... Doppelga... Doppelgan... Doppel... Doppel.
Servo: Döppelgänger. Round the lips. Döppelgäng...
Mike: I'll round your lips! Crow!
Crow: I'm fine, I'm fine. Uh, Mike. I uh, I had French roast, Vi-Vi-Vi-Varin uh, diet pills uh, Mountain Dew, Jolt uh, Water Joe, S-S-S-Surge uh, chocolate-covered espresso beans, M&M's, and I'm listening to Neatzerab, and I'm fine, Mike. Really, I'm fine.
Mike: That's alright. Okay, just don't uh, don't explode. Okay, let's check on the planet here.
Bobo: Hi Nelson, just getting the last of these ticks off.
Mike: Bobo, Is that you? I mean, really you?
Bobo: No, it's John Shuck on a bad hair day. Of course it's me, and I'm fine but these two, hoo-hoo-hoo, they really love their zucchinis. In fact they're packin' 'em up so they can deliver zucchinis to their friends all over the galaxy.
Mike: Now, now, now listen very carefully, Bobo. These pods grow aliens who replace their body. If they're loading them into the truck that means the whole galaxy could be in danger.
Bobo: Oh come now, ha. Just because they load a bunch of zucchini throw pillows onto a truck doesn't mean they're trying to take over the galaxy. Haha. Proposterous, typical of you with your back and your Braun hand blenders. Haha. Oh look, I'll just ask her. Oh say, Lawgiver, now are those evil pods? And are you trying to take over the galaxy?
Pearl: Yes and yes. Excuse me, please.
Bobo: Well, I guess I can see how you could misconstrue that, Nelson, but I'm still not convinced.
Mike: What do you mean you're... Look... calm down... Look, just do me a favor and try taking one of those pods off the truck, okay?
Bobo: Alright, I'll humor you, heh. Let me see, if I could grab one of these babies here, hehehehe... There we go, yes. Hmm, I don't remember taking another one of those, excuse me. Well, now this is odd, and she did say she wanted to take over the galaxy, and...
Pearl: Aaaaar!
Bobo: Nelson, I see your point. You may be onto something. The Universe is in danger but don't you worry, no-siree Bob, I'm on the job. I'll stop these two wretched creatures and foil their little plan. I'll mmm-hmm-hmm-mmm.
Mike: Well, again we're doomed.
Servo: What's that horrible thumping?!
Crow: It's, it's my heart! I, I think I'm! I think I'm going to...!
Mike: He's going to blow!
Crow: S-S-S-Surge!
Servo: Oh, Movie Sign!


Segment 4


Servo: Oh, I'm tellin' you guys, this whole thing is freakin' me out. I mean, the idea of each of us being replicated and having too... Oh, hi Servo, I was just telling these guys... Aah! What the...! You get out of here, mister! You're a fake! A fake!
Servo: But I am Servo, a fine high quality.
Crow: Wow! I think I like that Servo better.
Servo: Crow!
Servo: Crow.
Mike: Now hold on here. Now we got to get to the bottom of this. Now how do I know you're the real Servo?
Servo: Why Mike, do you remember when we did that fun thing together that was so fun that one time...
Mike: Hahaha. Oh yeah, that was fun, wasn't it?
Servo: Wait a minute, Mike. We did a fun thing together once too, right? Haha.
Mike: No, I don't remember that.
Crow: Hang on, hang on. There's a real easy way to figure this out. I'll ask a question that only the real Servo would know.
Servo: Yeah!
Crow: Okay. What condiment did I pour into your sneakers only two weeks ago?
Servo: Oh! Uh...
Servo: Was it ketchup?
Crow: Yes!
Servo: Damn, you are me. Gee, I guess I am a fraud.
Mike: Now hold on, hold on. Let's go two out of three. Okay. What's your confirmation name?
Servo: Okay... Uh Mike, we're going to say that we don't have a confirmation name.
Mike: Yeah, well.
Servo: Woo-hoo! Good one!
Mike: You're right, actually. Well okay, let's try one more, though. What do you have in your underwear collection?
Servo: Ah!
Servo: Please, you would have to be a total pathetic loser of the lowest quality to have an underwear collection.
Servo: Hehehe.
Crow: True.
Servo: Three-hundred-forty-two pairs of cotton boxers, no duplicates! Seventy-eight pairs of silk boxers! Seven-hundred-and-two pairs of high cut briefs! Fifty-five pairs of low cut briefs! Seven banana warmers! One pair of "Home of the Whopper" brief! One vintage pair of Joe Namath knitted slingshot brief prototype! Hahaha!
Servo: Aaaaar!
Servo: Loser! Loser! I won! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Crow: Frankly, I don't know why we need any Servo at all, Mike.
Mike: Man knows his underwear. We'll be right back.
Servo: Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!
Crow: Shh!


Segment 5


Mike: Pods everywhere, come on, come on. Aah! Oh Crow, thank goodness it's you. Hey, I think it's just you and me now. I think we're the only normal ones left.
Crow: Aaaaar!
Mike: Oh! Oh, my God! Bobo, we have to do something! Please tell me you're not a pod!
Crow: Aaaaar! Err!
Bobo: Who me? No. Everyone else is down here, not me. You want to know why not me? Because a monkey isn't good enough... again! Should we asssimulate the monkey? No, the monkey's got a red butt, stupid monkey's got a red butt. Does the monkey want a banana? It takes its toll, Mike.
Crow: Rrr!
Mike: Would you please forget about all that! Look, the Universe is in peril and you have to save it. Now the way I figure it is that there has to be a mother pod down there somewhere.
Servo: Aaaaar! Aaaaar!
Mike: Ow, please!
Servo: Aaaaar!
Crow: Aaaaar!
Bobo: Who, me save the galaxy? Ha, Mike, I'm a stupid monkey, I might as well admit it. I mean I do have a red butt, let's face fact. Have you ever seen my butt? Here, take a good look at my butt.
Crow: Aaaaar! Aaaaar!
Servo: Raaaar! Raaaar! Raaaar! Raaaar! Raaaar! Raaaar!
Mike: No, no, Bobo. Listen to me you can do... Hold on a second. See, see ball, see, see ball.
Servo: Rowr, rowr, rowr, rowr, rowr, rowr, rowr....
Mike: Listen to me! You got to find the mother pod and destroy it. You can do it. You are a magnificent mountain gorilla. You are Bobo, son of Coco...
Bobo: Yes! And heir to the great lineage of Godo! Rrr, Modo! And Chim-Chim! Raa! Now where's that mother pod?
Pearl and Observer: Aaaaar!
Bobo: Oh, my. Err, big one. Err, err...
Pearl and Observer: Aaaaar!
Bobo: Err-uph, err-uph, err-uph. Hahaha, err... Oh uh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
Mike: Yes!
Crow: Mike... You okay?
Servo: Mike, are you all right?
Mike: Yeah yeah, I'm okay. How 'bout you?
Crow: Well we're okay too, and they had us locked up. Ah, you big lug! All I can say is aaaaar! Ow! I was kidding!
Mike: Oh, I... thought you were...
Servo: Hehehehe, well I guess we just got to get the dried husks of our döppelgängers out of here, huh? Back to you, Bobo.
Crow: Ooh.
Bobo: Ooga-shacka, ooga, ooga, ooga-shacka, ooga, ooga, ooga-shacka, ooga... Oh! Lawgiver, I saved you! I'm so glad to see you!
Pearl: Bobo, get your paws off me. Have you been drinking?
Bobo: N-N-No, no. Look, see here's, here's dead pod you. And, and, and Observer, here's dead pod you.
Observer: Pod.
Bobo: You see all the time we were watching the movie, you were a pod. I saved you and the whole galaxy. Aren't ya proud? Hahaha.
Pearl: You mean they watched the movie and I didn't get to watch them watching the movie? Eh.
Observer: Hmm.
Pearl: Bobo, get rid of my body. Brain Guy...
Observer: Yes?
Pearl: Send them the movie... again! Hahahaha.
Mike, Crow and Servo: Movie Sign! Again!



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