||High School Big Shot
||Red Zone Cuba
||Danger! Death Ray
Mike: Ah, we got a 12! Uh, we got... how many of these lotto numbers do we need?
Crow: Haha. Good one.
Servo: Thank you.
Servo: Oh, hi everybody! Welcome to the Satellite of Love, here! That's Crow...
Servo: I'm Tom, and I'll get Mike! Hey Mike! Hahahaha.
Crow: You're just in time to read tonight's lotto numbers!
Mike: Oh, I didn't know that we were gonna, oh...
Crow: And the first number is ...
Mike: Sixty-five! Whoa! Aah, 7, oh! Aah, 69!
Crow: Oh, you need a lot o' lotto numbers, Mike!
Servo: C'mon Mike ya missed that one, on your toes, baby!
Mike: Five! Oh, ok, 2! Twenty-seven! ...Uh, we'll be right back! Okay, 84, 48...
Frank: Oh hi, Mike. Say, have you ever been in deep to the mob for oh, say 50 large?
Mike: That is... 3!
Crow: Three... Three...
Mike: Okay, 800! And tonight's Powerball number is ... 509! Five-oh-nine, 09, 509, 509.
Mike, Crow and Servo: Five-oh-nine, 509! 509!
Crow: Oh, ah, Ace and No-Face are calling.
Mike: Ah, no, I don't think so. Is there a problem or something?
Frank: Oh, nothing, nothing. It's just that, well, heheheh, I'm in deep to the mob for 50 large. Hehehehehheheh. Oh, well! Heheheheh. I'll see who... Waaa! Ohohoh, you must be here to see TV's Frank. Hahaha. I'll go see if TV's Frank is here. Heheheheh... Ah, Clay? Clay, ah, there's a Joey "Skinny Legs" Tagliano here to see you.
Dr. F: Hmm? Joe "Skinny Legs" Tagliano? To see me?
Frank: Yeah, to see you.
Dr. F: Did I go to high school with him? I'll bet that's what it is. I went to high school... Joe? Hello? Oh. Whoa! Oh! Ohoo-ohoo-waa-waaa-wow-ooh! Ow, ow, ow!
Frank: Ah, I... Gee, I feel kinda bad about this. I must admit I feel partly responsible. Heh... kind of, heh... sort of, heheheh...
Mike: Well, I wouldn't worry about it, Frank.
Crow: Ah, Nelson! Awfully good evening, isn't it? Eh, naturally, one would find a gentleman such as yourself at the gaming tables?
Mike: Yes, yes, yes, Mr. Crow, where was it last we met? Was it Atlantic City? Monte Carlo? Grand Casino Hinkley?
Crow: Moohoho, very droll! Yes, yes, yes. Indeed, Nelson, yes. Mmm, why here comes Tom Servo.
Servo: Gentlemen. Yes, yes. Sorry I'm late, chums. The house extended me a one-hundred-thousand-dollar line of credit, you know, and I always like to show the proper gratitude. Hehehehahahaha. Yes, yes, yes.
Mike: Yes. Hahahaha. Yes well, let the games begin! Eh, gentlemen?
Magic Voice: B-37, B-37.
Servo: Aah! Well congratulations, Mr. Nelson! But as they say, the night is still young... What! Mwoheheheheh. Yes, yes, yes.
Frank: There there, Dr. F, there there.
Dr. F: Frank...!
Frank: Oh, hi guys! Ah, your movie today, your movie is ...
Dr. F: Ugh... Kill... you...
Frank: ...ah, Red Zone Cuba. But first ah, there's a short...
Dr. F: Ooh...
Frank: And then if Dr. Forrester lives through this he's going to...
Dr. F: Oororh you...
Frank: ...beat the living crap... Oh, hohohoho! Wehehehell! Enjoy the experiment, guys. Oh look, Dr. F! I gotcha something. Some nuts, and some hard-boiled eggs!
Dr. F: Oheah...
Magic Voice: Attention! Attention! The buffet is now being served.
Mike, Crow and Servo: The buffet?!
Servo: D'oh! Gee!
Frank: So it's come to this, huh? Are you just gonna lie there like a big lump feeling sorry for yourself, is that it? Are you gonna let a couple of scratch 'n' bruises turn you into a self-pitying sissy-pants? Well, are you? Are you?! Look at me when I'm speaking to you!
Servo: Ah, yes, yes...
Crow: Well, I don't know about you chaps but I'm still in the mood for some action!
Servo: Ah, well, then! Some high-stakes pulltabs, perhaps? Hmm?
Crow: Ooh! I'm getting a rush already!
Servo: Yes, yes!
Mike: Why don't we check on Dr. Forrester, okay?
Crow: Oh, alright.
Servo: If you say so.
Dr. F: Wooh, ooh...
Frank: I don't believe this! I'm very, very disappointed. The old Clayton Forrester wasn't like this at all. He didn't know the meaning of the word quit! He didn't have it in him! The old Dr. Clayton Forrester would have thrown off these covers!
Dr. F: Ooh...
Frank: He would have pulled himself up!
Dr. F: Whoa...
Frank: He would have pulled his twisted knees over...
Dr. F: Oh, oh, oh...
Frank: ...and stood himself up on his own two casts!
Dr. F: Oah...
Frank: That's the Dr. Clayton Forrester that I know.
Dr. F: Mmoohohoho...
Frank: But, ooh! That posture! Here!
Dr. F: Oh...
Dr. F: Whoa... Whoohoo...
Frank: Okay, let's have at it, let's go. Come on!
Dr. F: Oh! Hohooh...
Mike: Oh, man! I can hardly stand to watch!
Crow: Yeah, I know! His posture is really terrible! The worst! Woo!
Servo: Yeah! Poor Frank's got his work cut out for him, that's for sure!
Mike: We'll be right back.
Crow: His posture's too... I didn't mean...
Mike: A kiss on the hand maybe quite continental...
Servo: Ah, Mike? What are you doing?
Mike: Oh, I'm sorry, ah, Mike's not here. I'm Carol Channing. Be glad to bring a message to this uh, Mike, was it?
Crow: Oh, I see! Oh, this movie musta really gotten to ya. Poor sap! Well, it's just this sensational that you're Carol Channing! Hahaha.
Mike: What are you doing!? Hey, stop that! That's Carol Channing, I must say that is very annoying!
Servo: Ah, we better check on , ah, Frank and Dr. F, eh?
Crow: Oho, yeah.
Mike: Yeah well, you do whatever you want. I'm lunching with Angela Lansbury.
Dr. F: Aah...
Frank: Happytalk talk about good things. Oh, hi. Well, I guess it's pretty inevitable now. Basically it's a waiting game at this point. Ah, I've decided not to employ and radical procedures.
Dr. F: Water!
Frank: Sorry Clay, it's pretty hopeless.
Dr. F: Mmm...
Frank: Been going through your mail, though.
Dr. F: Mmm...
Frank: Oh, look at this! It's a card from Leo Bascalia!
Dr. F: Ooh...
Frank: "Hope you die, you rotten bast..." Oho, we-hell-hahaha. Hello?
Carter: Hello, Frank?
Frank: It's Jimmy Carter! Yes, Mr. President?
Carter: Is he dead yet?
Frank: I'll let you know just as soon as he dies.
Carter: You do that, Frank.
Frank: Yes, sir. Just as soon...
Carter: You call me, you call me, hear? Bye-bye, Frank, bye-bye. Bye, Frank.
Frank: Bye! Hohahaha. That was nice. And look what Mother Teresa sent us! Ooh, you know it's true. One life touches so many others.
Crow: These aren't even his shoes!
Servo: What the? D'oh!
Crow: Oh! Movie sign!
Crow: That way! That way!
Dr. F: It's a marshmallow world in the winter... Oh, those are my pants! Quigley Down Under, help me! Help! Ooh, oh, oh...
Servo: Forget that! Where did he get the wig?
Crow: Oh hi, Miss Channing! What's new?
Mike: Oh, I'm not Carol Channing anymore.
Servo: Oh, thank goodness, Mike! You must be feeling a little bit...
Mike: I'm T-Bone Burnett.
Mike: That's not right either, hold on. I'm Vickie Lawrence!
Crow: Eh... Heh...
Mike: Oh, then again, maybe I should just go lie down for awhile.
Servo: That's a great idea, honey, you, you lie down. It's the movie! Don't worry, okay? It'll be just fine. We better check on his nibs.
Crow: Oh yeah, right.
Frank: There, there, there...
Dr. F: Ooh, oh, oh...
Frank: Well Mike, not looking good. Afraid we might be at the end.
Dr. F: Ooh, oh, oh... Frank?
Dr. F: Frank?
Frank: Yes, Dr. F.
Dr. F: Frank?
Frank: I'm right here, Dr. F.
Dr. F: Frank?
Dr. F: Frank?
Frank: Yes, Dr. F?
Dr. F: Frank!
Dr. F: Frank, I'm going down a long hallway. There's a figure at the end beckoning to me.
Frank: Well, don't you think you oughta go to him then, Doctor?
Dr. F: Frank, there's something I've always wanted to tell you.
Frank: Look, let's not make a big production out of this. There's a guy down at the end of the hallway waiting for you, okay?
Dr. F: Yes, he's tapping his foot and looking at his watch.
Frank: Well, don't you think you ought to go to him then?
Dr. F: Uuh! Oh... Ooh! Frank?
Dr. F: This is it. I'm... dead!
Frank: And... it is done. Doctor... Clayton...
Dr. F: No... wait... I'm alive. ... No, I'm dead. No... Yes... No, now I'm dead... Wait... I'm still alive... No... I'm dead... Wait, I can't die. I've got too much to live for! I've got my good friend Frank! I've got things, things that I've gotta do! I gotta live and laugh and love and live and embrace the world... I wanna live! ...Oh, Joe! Hi! Wooh-ooh-oooh-ow! Ah, hurt! Aah! Oh, oooh...
Crow: Ooh, oho, ooh! You know, aside from the fact that I'll never again experience joy in my life, I don't think Red Zone Cuba had any kind of negative effect on me.
Mike: Yeah, even being Carol Channing didn't shield me from the effects of this one.
Servo: Well hey, I know what we can do to cheer ourselves up!
Servo: Let's sing us a Bouncy Upbeat Song, okay?
Mike: Yeah! Okay!
Crow: That's a great idea!
Servo: Hit it, Cambot! Hahahahahaha!
Gypsy: Hahaha! Haha!
Servo: Woo! Yaaay! Oh, whenever I want to cry and ball because I'm feeling sad...
Servo: I think of ironing boards and drywall, and then I don't feel so bad.
Crow: Whenever I'm feeling down and blue and sorry for myself...
Crow: I get some staples and some glue and I'm happy as an elf!
Mike: Whenever I start to mope and pout and there's nothing left in my soul, I check the toilet paper and if we're out, I buy another roll!
Gypsy: Have you ever touched a Post-It Note? Have you ever looked at boots? Have you ever sat down in a chair? Have you ever used a paper clip?
Crow: So if you listen to our advice...
Servo: And you wanna feel terrific...
Gypsy: Do things that make you feel nice.
Mike: I wish we could be more specific...
Dr. F: Ooh! Ow! Ow! Ow-how! Ow! Oh! Ow! Aah! Oh! Ooh!
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