||Last of the Wild Horses
Mike: You might wanna be careful, hi everybody, welcome to the Satellite of Love! You're just in time to see ol' Crow here log onto the Information Superhighway! Why don't you tell us about your system there, Crow?
Crow: Oh, you know. It's just a multimedia package, nothing special. A 90 mHz. Pentium with 32 megs of RAM and a quadruple speed NEC CD-ROM, Soundblaster 16 multi-CD sound card, I threw that in... And a Courier v.24 38 Kbaud modem.
Servo: And you think that'll make you happy, huh?
Crow: Yeah! Accessing SLIP server... Entering my IP address... Okay... Crow@biteme.com... Hahaha... And... ENTER!
Servo: Huh? "Server timed out, try again"?
Crow: Oh. I can read, thank you! Must've typed the wrong parameters...
Mike: But soon, you will be merging onto the Information...
Crow: That's right, Mike! I'll be pulling out into the Information Superhighway... and... uh... traffic... well, uh...
Mike: Looks like it locked up, huh?
Servo: "Looking for UART at FX1050"? What does that mean?
Crow: I DON'T KNOW!!! I must've configured my com ports incorrectly. You know, I'll just assign my modem to a different com port and get back into my SLIP server and... uh...
Mike: Locked up tight!
Servo: "Looking for UART at FX1050."
Crow: I CAN READ!!! Don't you think I can read?!
Servo: Gee, sorry!
Crow: Alright! Okay... I'll try this... "LET ME ON THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY YOU STUPID LITTLE..."
Servo: "Still looking for UART at FX1050."
Crow: LET ME ON THE INFORMATION SUPER HIGHWAY!!! I WANT ON THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY!!!
Mike: We'll be right back! Careful with that! Calm down! Calm down!
Dr. F: Yo-ho boobies! Lookie what we got! We got cranial ports. You know, the future belongs to those...
Crow: Twenty-four hour technical service?! It'll take ya' twenty-four hours just to pick up the stupid phone! Geez! Allright, let's try a couple of things here... Come on, come on. Pick up! One... two... three... pick up! Pick up! I know you're there. Put down the donut, put down the coffee, and pick up the phone! Pick it up, and help me, help me please! Come on. Come on. Come on. I'm going to be a very...
Voice: Hello, and thank you for calling technical support.
Crow: Oh, hi! Nice to talk to a real person. Listen I'm trying to get on...
Voice: Your call is very important to us and will be answered in the order that it was received.
Crow: No, no please, don't hang up. I wanna get on the Information Superhighway!
Mike: Now, hold on there partner! 'Cause we got sauce. Barbecue sauce!
Crow: Yes siree! It Cowboy Mike's own, original, red-hot, Richoche-e-e-e-t Barbecue Sauce!
Dr. F: Barbecue Sauce? But look what we've got.
Frank: But Clay, do think it might be... bold?
Mike: Bold!? Well, hell yes, it's bold! It's Cowboy Mike's own, original, red-hot, ricoche-e-t Barbecue sauce!
Servo: It's mighty bold! How bold is it? It's bold enough to bulldog your taste buds and hog-tie your tongue!
Crow: That's how bold this stuff is, ya little priss ant! I say it's bo-o-o-o-old!
Frank: Well, how 'bout it Clay? Can we try some?
Dr. F: Well, I don't know...
Frank: They say it's bold.
Mike: I'll tell you what, you hair dressing little cowpokes, you check the Umbiliport and you'll find yourself a free sample of Cowboy Mike's Own, Original, red-hot Richoche-e-e-e-t Barbecue Sauce.
Crow: It's bold!
Dr. F: Hmm, it looks, somewhat bold. Speaking of which, saucy ones, your movie today is called "Starfighters", a bold Air Force epic.
Frank: Well, how 'bout it, Clay? Is it bold?
Dr. F: It's... actually it's not that bold.
Frank: It's not?!
Dr. F: No.
Frank: It's not bold!
Dr. F: Decidedly unbold. Hey, what's the deal with this stuff not being bold?
Mike: Now available in new EXTRY BOLD!
Servo: Oh, this is really bold. So bold it is not recommended for human consumption.
Crow: There is no known antidote for new....
Mike, Crow and Servo: Cowboy Mike's own, original, red-hot richoche-e-e-e-et Barbecue Sauce! Movie Sign!
Servo: Woah! Uh, we are on and locked, prepare to take on five thousand pounds, over.
Voice: Thank you for holding. Your call is very important to us. Calls are being answered in the order in which they are received.
Crow: Yeah, yeah, yeah, well I got better things to do with my time, Mr. Tech Support!
Servo: Uh, Cordite-Crow, Cordite-Crow, ready for re-fueling, over. Uh, Cordite-Crow, quit fooling around and get yourself in position! This isn't the first time you've been up here!
Brian: Hi, this is Brian, can I have your name and serial number, please?
Crow: Uh... mmm... drr-duh....
Servo: Crow, your guy's on the line, there!
Crow: I know that!
Brian: It's Brian. Name an serial number please. Hello? Hello?
Crow: Rrr... ah! Oh, uh, Brian, oh, hey you can help me! I'm having trouble getting on the Information Superhighway and you can... Nooooo!
Servo: Dum-dum-dum-dum... dum-dum-dum-duh-uh!
Crow: Woo-hoo! Mission accomplished! Woo-hoo-hoo!
Servo: Fih-hoh-huh-ree-foh! Fih-hoh-huh-ree-foh! Bee-treh-hup! To-huh-right, huh! Hoo-rig, huh! Nelson! Front-and-centre on the double! At ease!
Mike: Thank you.
Crow: Major Nelson! We are now half-way through the movie!
Crow: And during this time, you have been repeatedly exposed to copious amounts of of top secret, classified information!
Crow: And so, at this point in time, it is now necessary to debrief you! Get him!
Mike: Woah! Get away from there, what are you doing? Cambot! Nooo!
Servo: Hee-hee-hee-hee-! Hee-hee-hee-hee!
Mike: Hey, how'd you get those off past my jumpsuit?
Crow: Well, we have our little ways.
Mike: D'oh, we got Movie Sign! Give me those back!
Crow: Serpentine! I'll go this way with the pants!
Mike: Welcome my friends, we are very fortunate to have with us today the United Servo Academy Men's Chorus, directed by the, uh, United Servo Academy Men's Chorale director, Vice Brigadier Sir Thomas "Bullhead" Servo, conducting them in the United Servo Academy Men's Chorus, uh, Hymn.
Servo: Alright, eyes front! Three and... Here's to the guys and gals who like to fly, Flying so high with some guy in the sky! Sky rockets in flight, afternoon delight! Captain High at your service... Would you like to fly in my beautiful balloon? Take these broken wings and learn to fly me to the moon! Sail on silver bird, Have you ever heard that bird is the word? In a big country, dreams stay with you. Come along with me Lucille in my merry Oldsmobile. We are kids for saving Earth, we are fans of Collin Firth. Off we go to yonder blue, We really move our tails for you! Cross the wide Missouri!
|Mike: Ah, fantastic! Absolutely fantastic! That was the United Servo Academy Men's Chorus. Ahh and that sonerous tone you heard, of course, has to be due in a large part to the fantastic conducting... What are you doing? What are you doing?! Please stop that music! Please don't continue with this, Vice Brigadier Thomas "Bullhead" I implore you. Stop the music! Stop I say! Sylvester, can we get an engineer in here, please? In Studio A. I appologize ladies and gentlemen. Stop the music right now, I say! Out! Out! Rauss!|
|Servo: Hinky-dinky-dinky-dinky-parlez-voux? Hinky-dinky-dinky-dinky-parlez-voux? Hinky-dinky-hinky-dinky-hinky-dinky-hinky-dinky-hinky-dinky-parlez-voux! Hinky-dinky-dinky-dinky-parlez-voux? Hinky-dinky-dinky-dinky-parlez-voux?|
Crow: Okay. Well, I've reformatted my hard drive, reloaded all my software, I've reconfigured my com ports and I've even checked my dip switches! Hahaha! Function 5... and I'm in!
Mike, Crow and Servo: Wow!
Crow: Ooh, oh sweet Information Superhighway, what gem bring you me from the far reaches of cyberspace?!
Servo: It says, "Hi! I'm Frodo. Do you wanna play four person Boogers?"
Crow: Oh... Sure! Ha! Wow! King Booger! Ahh...
Mike: Okay, uh, while you play with your boogers, we got a letter to read. Put the, uh, letter up on still-score there, Cambot. Uh, this is from, uh, Gail, Laura, and Clark.
Servo: Hi Gail, Laura, and Clark.
Mike: And they say, "Hi Mike, Crow, and Tom. Last Christmas, we got this cute plastic tree, so we painted it **** and cobalt blue, silver and white. Then, after it was decorated, quite tastefully I might add, we were stupified to realise we were without a star, angel, whatver, for the top of the tree. Luckily, I realized that Tom, Tom's base would make for a wonderful tree top!" and so, show that pictue there.
Servo: Wow, that would be a weird feeling.
Mike: Look, you got those large fleshy arms, there. That kinda disturbs me a bit. Alright, that's a nice thing, uh, Gail, Laura, and Clark! And, uh, well it looks like Crow's all set here on the Information Superhighway.
Crow: Oh, duh! You jumped my booger! Great. Frodo logged off. Now I gotta go hawk up a new Booger partner...
Mike: Hold on. Hey, Forrester. What about it? You wanna' be Crow's Boogers partner?
Dr. F: Oh, no time for Boogers! Frank and I have established direct access to each other's brains! Right now, Frank's sharing with me some of his own thoughts! Oh, Frank, heh, well, thank you very much! I didn't... think anyone could... think that... don't think that again! There ya go! Come on now, come on, take that a little bit further! Yes, good, excellent! Frank, yes! Think it hard! Think it, yes, good! Yes, good, Frank! Yes! Hahaha... ha... uh, uh, well, fun's fun. Right now, I'm going to think Frank to push the Button!
Frank: Uh, uh, oh okay. Okay.
Dr. F: Well, push it! Wah!
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