Experiments MSTies Anonymous SOL Post The Club MSTie Net

604 Zombie Nightmare 11/24/94
605 Colossus and the Headhunters 08/20/94
606 Creeping Terror 09/17/94

605 Colossus and the Headhunters A Best Brains Production
Transcripts by D.Billany@Loc-dog.demon.co.uk
Segment 1
Segment 2
Segment 3
Segment 4
Segment 5
605.wav "Hey, look! It's Paul McCartney's head on a pole." -Mike
"Yay!" -Servo
"Well don't get me down or anything. It's not like I'm being defiled." -Crow


Servo: Fifty-thousand monkeys can't be wrong.
Crow: Tom, I can't see how I could owe that much!
Servo: Listen, Crow, the numbers don't lie! You had diddley for deductions, and you gotta remember it's not so much the original amount, it's the penalties. Wow!
Crow: But 37,000 dollars in back-taxes for the total of 12 dollars I made selling grit in '89? That's insane!
Servo: You shoulda filed quarterly like I suggested you did in the first place! You see... Hi!
Mike: Uh, where do I sign for my big ol' refund?
Servo: Oh, right on the X there.
Crow: Refund? You're getting a refund?
Mike: Yeah. Tom says 20,000 dollars!
Crow: Twenty-thousand dollars...?
Servo: Right, you wanted me to roll half of that over into your 401 K, right?
Crow: 401... K...?
Mike: Yeah, you could do that, or we talk about tea bills, maybe... whatever you think is best, alright? Okay, I've gotta get going; gonna order that swimming pool.
Servo: Hahaha!
Mike: Thanks buddy!
Crow: Swimming pool...? Mike!
Servo: You know, Crow, the best thing is to come clean with the IRS; that way you can avoid jail time.
Crow: Ja... Ooh...
Servo: Oh, and don't forget to mail your return!
Crow: My return...?
Servo: Cause I'm the tax man. Yeah, I'm the tax man...

Segment 1

Crow: Wait a minute, eight times seven isn't two hundred!
Servo: Fair enough.
Crow: Six times three isn't two hundred either!
Servo: Well, fine. Do your own taxes!
Mike: You don't need to do taxes. Besides, Willie Nelson and Red Fox are calling!
Crow: Really?
Mike: No, the...
Dr. F: Nelson! A recent study by a research group at Senior's Lifestyle revealed that, and Frank quotes...
Frank: Owning and caring for a pet decreases hyper-tension, slows the heart-rate, and lowers blood pressure. Unquote.
Dr. F: Obviously the cuter the pet the lower the heart-rate... Anyway, I've designed the world's most adorable pet! It will make you so placid, so care-free, that I'll be able to rule the world and you won't even notice! You, as per usual, are the test case. Frank?
Frank: And his name is... NummyMuffinCoocolButter! Oh, yes, and he's the nummiest little thing there's ever been! Oh, yes you are!
Dr. F: That's right, NummyMuffinCoocolButter! Yes, you are, little nummy, isn't he cute, Frank? I... it out-does the kitty cat, runs circles around the Easter Bunny, and makes Snuggles the fabric-softening bear look like Penn Jillette.
Frank: It's just me and you, NummyMuffinCoocolButter. I'll never leave you, ever ever! No I won't! No I won't!
Dr. F: Well, actually, Frank, it's time to send him up, so...
Frank: No!
Dr. F: Yes.
Frank: No!
Dr. F: Yeah, well, just put him in... put him in the box, Frank!
Frank: Stay alive, NummyMuffinCoocolButter! Remember, whatever occurs, I will find you! Hey, you forgot your... Hey, this is kinda fun! Ahahahahahaha! Nummy!
Mike: Ooh, look at little NummyMuffinCoocolButter! How are you? Are you good? Are you good? Look at 'im, guys!
Servo: Just keep it out of my room.
Crow: Mike, it's a Tribble!
Mike: Come on, guys, we can teach him to catch frisbees!
Servo: Mike, you can keep it, but you'll have to feed it and wash it and take on all the responsibilities of pet-ownership!
Crow: Like lookin' at it. Yech! I just don't see the appeal!
Mike: I don't see how NummyMuffinCoocolButter can bring us anything but joy! Won't you...
Crow: Dibs on spayin' it!
Servo: Hehehehe!
Mike: Look, the Mad Light. Go! Fetch. Get it!
Dr. F: Relax and enjoy, na´ve fool!
Frank: I want my Nummy!
Dr. F: Oh, Frank, get over it. Here, here's Snuggles.
Frank: I don't want Snuggles!
Dr. F: Oh, have a pillow?
Frank: I don't wanna pillow!
Dr. F: Oh, anyway. Your movie this week is "Colossus and the Headhunters".
Frank: I don't want "Colossus and the Headhunters"!
Dr. F: Oh, Frank, please! Anyway, that's your movie. There ya go.
Servo: Oh, we got Movie Sign!
Mike: You stay now, little NummyMuffinCoocolButter! You stay! Oh, I can't leave you, little Nummy, oh you, boo-boo, doo!
Servo: Come on, Nelson!
Mike: Oh, sorry. Woah!

Segment 2

Mike: Yes! And you're gonna look those judges in the eyes and you're going to be the best little NummyMuffinCoocolButter that there ever was!
Servo: Mike? Mike! Mike!
Mike: What?
Servo: What are you doing?
Mike: I'm getting NummyMuffinCoocolButter all ready for the Westminister Dog Show for uh, Star Search.
Servo: Haha.
Crow: That's great, Mike!
Servo: Bong!
Crow: Cuckoo!
Servo: Bong!
Crow: Cuckoo!
Servo: Bong!
Crow: Cuckoo!
Servo: Bong!
Crow: Cuckoo!
Servo: Bong!
Crow: Cuckoo!
Servo: Bong!
Mike: Oh, there it is again! Go get it! Go get it this time!
Servo: Oh, would you just get the...
Crow: Please just...
Frank: I was alone, I had lost my way. Until one wonderful, funderful day when I met a friend made up of fur and fuzz, a friendly little friend whose friendly name was... NummyMuffinCoocolButter! Scrappy little pal like no udder. His name is kinda long so you can just call him Muffin. Whatever ya call him, I sure as heck love him. I love him even more than my father or mudder, NummyMuffinCoocolButter... But then, one day unexpectedly, NummyMuffinCoocolButter was taken from me. The loss of that pet has left a really big void. My subsequent behaviour would even startle Freud. When it comes to pets, there'll never be anudder like... NummyMuffinCoocolButter... NummyMuffinCoocolButter... NummyMuffinCoocolButter! Goodbye, Nummy Muffin CoocolButter... I love you.

Segment 3

Mike: Nummy, Nummy, Nummiaga, CoocolButter...
Crow: Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh!
Mike: Hey, what up, Crow?
Crow: This is what up, Mike!
Mike: What?
Crow: My sucker! It's covered with Nummy Muffin CookyButter hair, Mike! Hair! Covered! I can barely stand to eat it.
Mike: Well, are you sure it's Nummy Muffin CoocolButter hair?
Servo: Pah! Pah! Alrighty, Mr. Pike, there's hair all over me, there's hair in my blue surge suit, there's hair on my Fruit-Rollups, there's hair all over the sofa, hair! Shinin', streamin', flamin', flaxin', waxin' hair!
Mike: And your point is?
Servo: The point is, your precious little NummyCoocolMuffinButter sheds!
Crow: Yeah!
Mike: Well, what's the big deal? It's a little hair.
Gypsy: Ah! Ah! Ah-choo!
Servo: Woah!
Gypsy: Oh, excuse me.
Crow: Bless you.
Gypsy: Hi, everyone. Oh, there's little NummyMuffinCookyButter, huh... Ah-choo!
Mike: Gypsy, are you okay?
Gypsy: Oh, I'm fine. Just a touch of the allergies is all. Just a to... ah, ah, ah, ah, ah-choo!
Mike: You sure it's not NummyMuffinCoocolButter, huh?
Gypsy: No, oh, no, no, it was uh, something I ate! Yeah, that's what it was.
Mike: Yeah well, when did your symptoms first start showing up?
Gypsy: Uh well, it was around the time we got little NummyMuffinCookyButter, I think. Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-choo!
Mike: Oh, no...
Servo: I'm afraid so, Nelstone!
Crow: Yeah, sorry Mike. From now on, you'll have to keep NummyMuffinCoocolButter outside!
Gypsy: Ah-ah-ah-choo!
Mike: Ah, we got Movie, Sign! Stay, Nummy, stay! Stay!

Segment 4

Servo: Oh come on, Mike, don't pay any attention to the big baby!
Crow: Yeah, can't ya see the little weasel's faking it?
Mike: What's wrong, little NummyMuffinCoocolButter?
Crow: Faker! Faker!
Mike: You guys, this could be serious. Do you have any idea what uh, Nummy's been eating?
Crow: Oh, nothing out of the ordinary. Uh, hehe. A couple of shoes, a few yards of indoor-outdoor carpeting.
Servo: Now I gave him some cream of herring sandwiches in a ring of meat...
Crow: Ah, must be something else.
Servo: Yeah.
Gypsy: Stand aside, everyone, stand aside! I'm a registered nurse with the Mayo Clinic! And I... uh... oh my, oh my, oh no! Oh my!
Servo: Wow... Well, Mike, what're we gonna do?
Mike: I don't know...
Crow: Hey, maybe the Mads could help?
Mike: You know, you may have something there actually, because the Mads, they created Nummy and... well yes, maybe the Mads could help!
Dr. F: What's the matter, little FrankWankyGoogolBatter? Mmm?
Frank: Uhh... uhh... uhh.. uhh...
NMCB: Uhh... bleh.... blech... yeugh...
Frank: Uh! Uh! Uh! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!
Crow: Wow, that was weird.
Servo: Yeah, Frank looked just like... oh...
Mike: Yeah.
Servo: So, Mike... What're you doin', Mike?
Mike: Come on, Nummy. Let's get you back to Frank. Huh? Back where you belong. Here we go, right in there.
Servo: Gee, Mike...
Mike: Yeah, what the heck, guys, huh? I've already got three great friends. I'm the luckiest guy in space.
Crow: Aww, Mike, that's really nice.
Servo: Yeah, that's sweet Mike, but listen, you ever try that baby talk on me, I'll cold cut you, I swear!
Mike: Yeah, I understand. Alright, let's get him back down to Frank. We'll be right back. Come on, guys.
Crow: Okay.

Segment 5

Servo: Hmm-hmm-hmm...
Mike: Well, as tough as it was, I think we made the right decision.
Servo: Definetly, Mike. About what?
Mike: About sending NummyMuffinCoocolButter back down to Frank.
Servo: Yeah, we probably should.
Mike: We did already!
Servo: Well then, no decision necessary! Hehehe.
Crow: Well frankly, Mike uh, Servo, I think the more important issue we're facing is what it feels like to get your head cut off.
Servo: Well, hey!
Crow: What I think is that there would be a couple of seconds where you could still think and look around.
Servo: Hmm...
Mike: Come on.
Crow: Spine cut, nerves severed, granted. But, a little bit of delay...
Servo: Well, Mike, it only makes sense. Give you a chance to look down your own throat.
Crow: Yeah, one final penetrating glance at your executioner...
Mike: Guys, this is ridiculous! You'd be dead instantly.
Crow: Well, there's one way to find out. Hahaha. Mike, you look at me while I cut your head off, and then tell me how long you see me. Servo, you keep count. Okay?
Servo: Right. One Mississippi...
Mike: No, I'm not gonna let you cut my head off and that's final!
Servo: Rats.
Mike: Okay, let's uh, read some letters. Gypsy!
Gypsy: Huh?
Mike: Letters!
Gypsy: Huh? What? Letters?
Mike: She loves letters. Okay, this first one is from... Letter music, huh? This first one is from Andy... Michelle? Is that... mmm... mmm...
Gypsy: Michelle...
Mike: Put that on Still Store. It says uh, "Dear Mike, Cambot, Gypsy, Tom, and Crow. I really like your show. I recently did some research about it because I did a speech. I got a B on it."
Gypsy: Well, pretty good.
Mike: Okay, "P.S. Everytime I watch your show, my cat tries to claw Tom Servo!"
Crow: Hey! Way to go, kitty!
Mike: "I think she has a death wish on him. But tell him not to worry; she's harmless. I'm just glad it's not Crow. He's a wimp."
Gypsy: Ha!
Crow: Hey... I'm gonna cut 'em! I'm gonna cut 'em!
Mike: No, calm down. Careful, alright. This one, it's right. It's for you, Gypsy.
Gypsy: Ooh! What?
Mike: There you go. It's from Dominique Brown.
Gypsy: Ooh, Domininque-anique-anique...
Mike: Put that up there. It's a little poem, and it says "To Gypsy, Roses are red, violets are blue, I love you."
Gypsy: Yeah?
Servo: That's kind of a haiku!
Mike: Well, it's simple, I mean...
Gypsy: Oh, oh well, oh, oh...
Mike: Oh, we'd better check back down on NummyMuffinCoocolButter there.
Crow: Oh, maybe Forrester will cut NummyMuffin's head off?
Mike: No!
Crow: Hahaha! Just sayin' maybe...
Dr. F: Oh... oh-doo-doo-doo... oh, uh, uh, oh... hmm? Hmm? Mmm! Ahh...
Frank: Rrr... Rrr...
Dr. F: Rrr! Hmm-hmm-hmm...
Frank: Hahahaha!
Dr. F: Mmm... mmm... hmm-hmm... oh...
Frank: Hehehehe...
Dr. F and Frank: Ahh...

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