Experiments MSTies Anonymous SOL Post The Club MSTie Net



603 The Dead Talk Back 07/30/94
604 Zombie Nightmare 11/24/94
605 Colossus and the Headhunters 08/20/94



604 Zombie Nightmare A Best Brains Production
Transcripts by D.Billany@Loc-dog.demon.co.uk
Prologue
Segment 1
Segment 2
Segment 3
Segment 4
Segment 5
604.wav "Is this the Information Superhighway that I've heard them talk so much about?" -Mike 94k



Prologue


Servo: Sector 4 clear! Platform secure for traveller, proceed.
Mike: Hi everyone, Mike Nelson here. The robots think there's been some sort of infiltration on the Satellite of Love and they think I need 'round the clock protection. Personally, I don't...
Crow: Gun!
Servo: Gun! Get down! Uh!
Mike: Uh... guys! There's no assassin up here, and I don't need protection! Now, where's Gypsy?
Crow: Security risk, Mike, we had to deal with her.
Mike: Well, what...
Servo: Gun in sector 5! Gun!
Crow: Gun! Gun! Get 'im!
Mike: Ahh... ohh... guh.
Servo: Stay down!
Crow: Get down, down, down!
Mike: Uh, guys! We'll be right back.
Servo: Gun!
Crow: Gun!
Servo: Foot!
Crow: Foot!
Servo: Head!
Crow: Aah!


Segment 1


Mike: Ow. Well, anyway, I think it's sweet that you guys would take a bullet for me.
Crow: Take a bullet?
Mike: Yeah, from the assassin.
Servo: An assassin? Oh my God! Are we in danger?
Crow: We could be killed! Geez!
Servo: Mommy! Mommy!
Dr. F: Ah, Mikey! 'Botsie-poos! Say, you know what TV's Frank and I have been getting into lately? Voodoo! Yes, it's the safe, economical way to inflict evil on the world!
Frank: And it's fun, too!
Dr. F: You may have noticed, we've already used the Umbilicus to send you a little voodoo kit. Two words of advice, en-joy!
Mike: Hmm. Well, it says here that if you sprinkle this dust on one of the dolls, you can endue it with the spirit of whoever you proclaim it to be. I think we'll lose the pins though.
Crow: Yeah.
Mike: Let's see if we can't use voodoo to do something nice for people! Hey, Crow, who would you like to do something nice for?
Crow: Uh... Jimmy Carter!
Servo: Oh, good!
Crow: I've always liked the man, and I think he got dumped on too much. I think he deserves a hug.
Mike: You are Jimmy Carter. There ya go, Mr. Carter.
Crow: Aww...
Servo: Cheer him up.
Mike: Now, you know who I've always wanted to do something nice for? Huh? Ron Hodie!
Servo: Oh. Who?
Crow: Who?
Mike: I went to high-school with him. Nice guy, but good grooming... not one of his strong points. Probably going into a meeting right now and his hair's all mussed up. So, I'll just smooth it back for him. There ya go, Ron. Enjoy!
Crow: Awww...
Servo: You know, Mike, I'm just gonna come right out and say something I've always wanted to say to you! I think you should give Cokie Roberts a scalp massage!
Mike: I think you're right!
Servo: Yeah! Oh, and "All Things Considered" is on right now. Let's check it out.
Mike: Ah!
Crow: Well...
Cokie: Thank you, senator. This is Cokie Roberts and you're li... Oh! Oh, that feels good! Oh, that is just what I need! Oh! Oh, I'm in Heaven!
Crow: ....I think I should...
Mike: Hehehe... maybe that's enough...
Crow: Yeah.
Dr. F: Well, the, uh, whole voodoo motif continues with this week's experiment. It's from the mid-eighties and it's... hey!
Crow: Hahahahahahaha!
Servo: Hehehe!
Dr. F: It's... hey...
Servo: Great!
Mike: Ah, perfect!
Servo: Hehehe!
Crow: Hahaha!
Dr. F: It's called "Zombie Nightmare", and it stars Adam West... and...
Mike, Crow and Servo: Ba-da-duh-da-da-da-duh-duh-da-duh!
Mike: Oh, we got Movie Sign!
Crow: Woo-hoo-hoo!


Segment 2


Crow: Hmm... hmm... hmm... Oh, yeah... Woah! Pluh! Ahuh! Wuh, hoah! Bluh... BAAH!!!
Servo: Huh. Coulda sworn I hit something. Oh well!


Segment 3


Servo: Touched down in the land of the Delta Blues... in the middle of the pouring... rain...
Crow: Oh, wonderful!
Servo: Yeah! Hey, thanks for that back-rub! Water feels great!
Crow: Yeah, hardly feel those injuries I sustained when you ran me over.
Servo: Ha-ha. Let me just say I am totally relaxed!
Crow: Uh-heh-heh-heh-heh! Servo, stop that!
Servo: What? What, Crow?
Crow: Eh-heh, ha-ha! Stop it, you nutty-nut-nut! Hee-hee-hee-haha!
Servo: Crow, I'm not doing anything!
Crow and Servo: AAH!!!
Servo: Oooh!
Crow: Eeew! Ptuh! Ptuh!
Mike: Hey guys!
Crow and Servo: AAH!!!
Mike: Dinner?
Crow and Servo: AAH!!!
Servo: Movie Sign!
Crow: Whoo!


Segment 4


Servo: I don't care! I feel like an idiot, and I'm bonding!
Mike: Oh, come on, Tom. Get into it. I mean, that Batman play seemed important to Crow, and he made these costumes, and...
Crow: Woah-ho-ho! What the heck is go... uh...
Mike: Crow! Where's your costume? We're supposed to be doing your Batman play!
Crow: Batman play? A-ha-ha-ha-ha! I thought you knew! I dropped that stink-bomb a long time ago!
Servo: What? Oh, you rotten son of a...
Crow: Yeah, yeah, that decision goes back a couple of weeks. Funny I didn't say anything about it to ya! Well, what're ya gonna do?
Mike: Well, we're standing here looking like a couple of ninnies!
Servo: Yeah!
Crow: Uh, yeah, y'are! Ha-ha-ha, geh....well, wha, what the heck, we could still do it! Come on! Uh, duh.... Dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah, dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah, wah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah! Eh... hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Riddle me this, Batman! Ooo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Hoo-hoo...
Mike and Servo: Crow!!!
Crow: Whu... wha... geez! It's a play, come on! You know, these costumes turned out pretty good. How's that feel in the crotch there, Mike?
Mike: Would you get outta there?
Crow: Sure, I go the extra mile, this is the thanks I get! I'm gonna work on my mantis play...
Servo: Mike! Mike! Something's happened! I... like my costume!
Mike: No ya don't!
Servo: Yes! I do! I gives me special bat powers!
Mike: We gotta cut you outta that thing, let's...
Servo: Hang in there old chum! Alfred, don't touch me! I'm Batman! Aunt Harriet! Aunt Harriet! I need cookies, cookies!


Segment 5


Mike: Okay, how we doing? You know, you guys, I think Adam West'll really appreciate these letters, on account of the fact that we gave him quite a lot of ribbing during the film and all.
Crow: Yeah.
Mike: So, um, well, who's ready?
Crow: Oh! Oh, me! Me! I'm done, I'm go, I'll go first! I'm ready! Me! Me! Me!
Mike: Crow.
Crow: Oh, oh, okay! "Dear Mr. West, I very much enjoyed that thing that you did that was good. It's kinda fun when I see you in stuff. Do you feel pretty crappy now that 'Danger Theater' and 'Last Precinct' have been cancelled? I'm sending you all my allowance. Please don't buy beer with it. Ha-ha. Yours truly, Crow T. Robot."
Servo: Ha. Neat.
Mike: That was, that was very good, Crow.
Crow: Thank you.
Mike: There are certain parts that I would change if I, if I were writing a letter!
Crow: Well, that's the Bible, but... you know...
Mike: Okay, whatever. Tom!
Servo: Okay, herew we go. Ahem. "Dear Adam, sorry to hear about the accident at the sportsman's show. Oh, just saw 'Zombie Nightmare', you look good in a moustache... Real nice work in that scene where the zombie pulls you underground. Oh, and hey, I heard that 'Lady Chatterley's Lover 2' is okay, although I'm not allowed to see it. Well, I'm running out of room, we'll talk soon. Tom Servo." What do you think?
Mike: That's, uh, very good, Tom. Again, there are things, you know, maybe we'll go in there, stroke in white kind of a thing... ah, Gypsy! You have something, don't you! Let me just... you wanna... uh, okay.
Gypsy: Yes. I wrote a poem for Mr. West.
Mike: Okay, go ahead!
Gypsy: Ahem. Ahem.
Mike: Whenever you're... uh...
Gypsy: "I used to like you when you were a caped crusader, way more than even Darth Vader. Back then you were the best, but now you are like all the rest. That's all, so see ya later!"
Servo: Neat!
Crow: Very nice.
Mike: That's very good. Very nice. Does anyone have anything else for Adam West?
Servo: No.
Crow: Uh... no.
Mike: How about you guys? Do you have anything for Adam West?
Dr. F: Uhh...
Frank: Geez, they don't really tell you how to reverse these things! Oh, hi! Having a few technical difficulties. Look, Clay, I didn't mean to make you undead! I was just fooling around! It happens! Maybe this magic powder will reverse the spell... Shazam!
Dr. F: Mmm!
Frank: Babaloo!
Dr. F: Mmm!
Frank: Viacom!
Dr. F: Mmm!
Frank: QVC!
Dr. F: Mmm!
Frank: Poopie... you put that down! You put that do... put that down! Put it down! Down! Bad zombie! Bad! Bad. Now, push the Button! Be a good zombie! Push the... you push that Button! Push it... push it... you push that Button! Say, this zombie thing is kinda nice! Hehe...



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