Crow: Woah... oh... Come on, ride me around some more, Mike! Woo-hoo!
Mike: Hi everyone, welcome to the Satellite of Love. I'm Mike Nelson, this is Crow T. Robot, and that's Tom Servo. We're just rough-housing.
Crow: Oh... oh... oh!
Servo: Gee, it sure looks like fun, you guys!
Mike: No, no it's really not that much fun. Hop down there, boy.
Mike: This is fun!
Servo: Woah! Hohohohohoho!
Mike: Bluh! Bluh!
Servo: That... that feels hilarious! Hahaha!
Gypsy: Hey, you guys! This is not a gymnasium!
Crow: Well dah, come on, Gyps'! It's fun when it's fun!
Gypsy: Yeah, it's fun until somebody dies!
Servo: Hooh... woah, that's harsh, huh?
Mike: I think it's time for you to go for a ride.
Servo: Oh, no, no, no, no! Please!
Mike: Come on! It's fun! Isn't it fun? It's fun!
Servo: No, no! Mike, no. I think it's quiet time now, Mike!
Mike: Okay, here's the big one! Woah!
Servo: Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huhuhuhuh...
Crow: Oh, good one, Mike!
Mike: We'll be right back.
Servo: My mom says you have to go home now... Dink...
Servo: Uh-uh! Uh-uh!
Mike: Come on, Tommy! Just drop, I'll catch ya!
Servo: But I'm scared!
Mike: Oh, don't be ridiculous! Come on!
Servo: Okay! Here I come! Waaah! Oh... uh-oh....
Gypsy: We can't have nice things, can we?
Servo: Owie! Help me, Mike! Mike!
Mike: Okay, I'm comin', I'm comin'.
Crow: Oh, it'll have to wait. The dual-airbags are calling.
Dr. F: Bonjour, my little friends. I must admit I'm giddy with excitement. You see, Frank and I have invented the first really real time machine! Ha! Previously, time machines have been mere works of fiction. But this... this is good. This is real. Isn't that right, Frank?
Frank: That's right, we've broken through the space-time continuum and passed the savings on to you.
Dr. F: It's quite complicated, actually. But, all you need to know is that we get into the capsule, and are transported back thousands of years! Back... to caveman time! Bonjour!
Frank: That's right, we're heading back through time at a dizzying speed! Oh boy, look! We're in the sixties! A time a of tumultuous change.
Dr. F: Uh, why, Frank, I've spotted a T-Bird! We must be in the fifties.
Frank: Oh, no! Now it's the... forties! The forties.
Dr. F: Yes, that's why I'm busy planting my victory garden!
Frank: Back, back we go! Oh, hi Alexander Graham Bell.
Dr. F: Farther back still! Oh, why it's, uh, Ki... Kit Carson, Frank! Uh, howdy! Boy, it sure is weird being in the Old West.
Dr. F: Are you dressed yet?
Dr. F: Uh-uh well, Mike! We seem to have entered some kind of strange time porthole thingie! Um, allow me to shout back through the centuries back to you, Nelson!
Mike, Crow and Servo: We're Fabio!
Mike: That's right, we are all Fabio! Star of book-covers, movies, and marketer of zone-line of chest grease!
Servo: And why are we all Fabio? Because everyone wants to be Fabio! Men respect Fabio! Women love Fabio!
Crow: There isn't a female organism alive that doesn't worship Fabio. Even Janice Finn kneels at his altar.
Mike: We believe Fabio is here to stay. That's why we've come up with the Fabio kit. The jutting, manly, yet accessible jawline. The soft mane of grabbable hair! Guh! And the tanned, taut, muffiny chest. Fabio fever!
Mike, Crow and Servo: Catch it!
Gypsy: ...sing whenever I sing whenever I... Hey, you guys look like Fabio.
Mike: Hey, don't laugh! We're Fabio!
Servo: Yeah, big buttery slabs of Fabio!
Mike: Ah, she's gone. Let it go.
Mike: Back to you guys... Hey!
Dr. F: Well, Mike. As you can see, I went back, all the way back, to caveman time! Why, I got very close to the well spring... Frank! How come I'm dressed like a caveman and you're dressed like a... whatever you're supposed... D'oh... it's all goin' ta Hell!
Frank: Well, I guess that leaves it to me, Televisio Frankus, to tell you that your experiment today is "Outlaw", starring the very huggable Jack Palance. The anvil that men doom last long, the ghoul is often heard in their homes. I'll send... you the movie...
Mike: Aah! We got Movie Sign!
Crow: Mike, we admire you immensely.
Mike: Well, thank you.
Crow: And it's due almost entirely to your acting career.
Mike: Yes, well I have trobbed the boards.
Servo: Must be some great memories.
Crow: You mentioned Hamlet.
Servo: Mike, do us a favor and lead us through those memories with the help of the scrapbook we found under your bed.
Crow: Oh, yeah!
Mike: Oh! Really? Oh, no, you did find it! Hey...
Servo: We did, yeah.
Mike: You know, this is old stuff. Nobody would be interested in it.
Crow: Come on.
Servo: Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike.
Mike: They're old production stills. Let's just tuck this away.
Crow: Hey, Cambot, bring it in! Let's all enjoy these, huh?
Servo: Oh, what's the first one there, Mike?
Mike: Oh, great. Well, this first one is HMS Pinafore there, that's right. A great production.
Crow: Cute sailor suit!
Mike: Haha, yeah. Here's oh, I'm the loveable stew-pot in South Pacific.
Servo: Oh, now that's marvelous!
Mike: Here's uh, Anything Goes, Billy Crocker. Oh, the musical Moby Dick!
Crow: Oh, a lot o' sailor suits early in your career, eh Mike?
Mike: Well, I guess so. Death of a Salesman. Inherit The Wind! Great production. Waiting For Godot, that was a very good Godot. Respected director in that one. Uh, there's the Hamlet.
Servo: That's Hamlet?
Mike: Yeah, you see the skull?
Servo: Of course.
Mike: And uh, Moon River Anthology. Uh, Night-Mother. Great production. Murder in the Cathedral. Uh...
Servo: Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike.
Servo: You're always in a sailor suit!
Mike: What? ...Holy cow! I am in a sailor suit a lot!
Crow: Well, ya look good in a sailor suit.
Mike: I uh, how did this happen?
Servo: Don't worry about it!
Mike: I mean, sailor suits are comfortable, right?
Servo: Certainly, sailors seem to like 'em.
Crow: Oh, yeah!
Mike: Richard III, I'm in a sailor suit there... Oh, Calcutta!
Servo: Wow! That's naughty!
Mike: No, don't look at that. That's not for you. Later, honey.
Crow: Come on, let me look! No-no-no!
Mike: We'll be right back.
Servo: You'd be nude except for the sailor suit.
Mike: Don't look at that!
Servo: Say fellas, there sure is a lot of skin in this movie, isn't there?
Mike: There sure is!
Crow: Yet despite all the acres of flesh in this film I just can't come over the word that describes it!
Servo: Well, I can!
Mike: Ya can?
Servo: Why sure! It's breastica-boob-ical, chestica-mamm-ical, pendular, globular fun!
Mike: Flesh-ical, orbital, mound-ular, scoop-ular?
Servo: Right-o! That's the one!
Crow: Is it glutial maximal, tush-ital, crack-ular, bun-ular, morning 'til night?
Servo: Well, you're abso-to-glandular fanny fantastical masta-ca-flesh-ular right!
Mike, Crow and Servo: It's an area-logical, auto-erotical, toobular, boob-ular joy! An expose-ular regional, batch-ular pouch-ular fun for girl and boy! A latisima-dorsical, hung-like-a-horse-ical, calipha-ligical ball!
Crow: The most bun-ular, fun-ular...
Mike: Fruit of the Loom-ular...
Crow: French-ical tongue-ular...
Servo: Whop-ita boob-ular...
Mike and Crow: Movie of them all!
Servo: Funular, bunular, Fruit of the Loom-ular, French-ical tongue-ular, whop-ita boob-ular! Touch-ta-pa-lorvical, source-ta-pa-bongular, touch-ta-particular ball!
Mike, Servo, and Crow: Hey!
Gypsy: Hey guys, how's the movie?
Mike, Crow and Servo: Oh, it's... breastica-boob-ical, chestica-mamm-ical, pendular, globular fun... Oh, we got Movie Sign!
Gypsy: Movie Sign!
Mike: Look what I got! It's Jack Palance's book on the making of today's movie: "Palance on Palance: Believe It Or Not!"
Servo: Wow! Cool!
Crow: Cool! Lemme read it! Let's see... "Day one. Missed call. Partied all night with that platinum midget fella and Urbano. Still having trouble seeing straight."
Mike: "Day three. Missed call. Wandered into shot yesterday and they decided to keep it." What the heck does "Avanti! Avanti!" mean? Servo?
Servo: Okay! Okay! Okay! "Day five. Missed call. After four days of shooting, finally got script today and guess what? I'm not playing Thomas Aquinas. I'm supposed to be some kind of freaking wizard!"
Crow: "Day eight. Missed call. Just can't get cancelled series 'Bronc' off my mind. Why?! Why?! Can't keep anything down. Not sleeping."
Mike: "Day nine. Missed call. Went to the village with Jeanna. My voice scares little Italian kid. Spent entire per diem on bunch of... crap."
Servo: Okay! Okay! Okay! "Day ten. Missed call. I think I... I think I killed a man today? More later?"
Mike, Crow and Servo: Ooh!
Servo: Ooh, gee Mike. I think that's enough!
Mike: I don't think I want to know anymore!
Crow: Hey guys! A whole chapter on "Tango and Cash"!
Servo: Pictures! I want pictures!
Mike: "Saw Russell's butt today!"
Servo: Fact. In this movie alone there were more groin shots of the human male body than in all previously-viewed movies... combined!
Mike: With that in mind... Cambot?
Crow: Let's watch!
Mike: Buffalo shots!
Crow: Think about it, won't you?
Servo: Thank you. Well, sirs?