||Teenagers from Outer Space
||Being from Another Planet
Joel: Okay, what is it?
Crow: It's the NBC Mystery Movie.
Crow: Thank you sir, may I have another?
Joel: Oh sure. Oh, hi everybody. Welcome to the Satellite of Love. I'm Joel Robinson, these are my bots, and we're doing a little behavioral modification up here in the old Satellite of Love. You see every experiment we do, if you been watching, these two little robots always say...
Crow and Servo: NBC Mystery Movie.
Joel: when they see a flashlight in the film, and every time they say...
Crow and Servo: NBC Mystery Movie.
Joel: They get a mild but memorable shock.
Servo: Hey, what was that last one for?
Joel: Oh, the last one was for, oh you know you did it the first time and then you did it again the second time.
Crow: Oh right, go ahead.
Servo: Wait, wait, wait. Did what? Did what?
Joel: Uh, said NBC Mystery... Movie.
Crow and Servo: Hahahaha!
Joel: Oh, okay... Alright.
Servo: Taste of your own medicine doctor. Come on, Doctor Skinner...
Crow: Torque it up.
Joel: I taste copper. Oh, we'll be right back.
Magic Voice: Commercial Sign 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... Commercial Sign now.
Joel: Well put. Okay well, let me see. Say it's true. It smells like a habitrail, pungent.
Joel: Hi everybody. Well, it looks like Mutt and Jeff are in charge of the Invention Exchange this week and...
Servo: and, Joel as everybody knows, except maybe you, heh, that the olfactory or sense of smell is our greatest memory enhancer.
Crow: Yes, as opposed to accent seasoning, which is a flavor enhancer.
Servo: Um, quite. So now we have created the world's first scratch and sniff report card.
Crow: Excactly. Uh, so one scratch and one smell and parents are transported back to those painful days of junior high. The... the scratch and sniff report card kinda helps take the edge off getting a bad grade.
Servo: Too true, on account that the smells, um, will kinda make em remember what school was like den dere.
Crow: Exactly, you're in biology class silly. Huh, try the next one.
Servo: My favorite.
Joel: Eww! Smells like burning acetate and Old Dutch cheese curl.
Servo: It's extracurricular activities Joel, and you're an AV geek, mister. Hehehehe. Join our groovy gang. Let's watch the Dr. Who marathon.
Joel: Okay , this next one seems simple enough what could really happen. Ugh! Smells like that stuff they put on throw up!
Crow: Hehe. Very observant Joel, turns out Lisa Smithbeck is allergic to pink coconut frosting, hence the vomit.
Joel: Oh well, whatever. You know, the one your holding down here smells really good.
Crow: Oh. Well, I'm glad you found it. This is a special report card my partner Tom and I developed for expensive private academies, because Joel, privilege has its own odor. What do you think, sirs?
Frank: Joel! Grades aren't important... it's the SAT's that count. Well, now the good doctor and I would like to make a prediction about the next big trend in entertainment. Move over comedy clubs, move over trendy discussion salons, move over karaoke bars, here comes ventriloquism! Big, broad, sassy, and brassy. And now Deep 13, in association with George Slaughter Productions, would like to present the ventriloquistic stylings of Dr. Clayton Forrester and his lovable sidekick, Resusci-Annie.
Dr. F: Hello uh, this is Resusci-Annie. We secured over two thousand of these previously-owned CPR demonstration dolls and retrofitted them with ventriloquist animations in anticipation of the ventriloquist boom of the 90's. And without further ado uh, it's time to sit back and laugh and learn with Resusci-Annie. Hehe. Say hello to the nice folks Resusci. Hello nice folks. Resusci, I implore you to be kind and courteous to these well meaning and clean, uh, people here today. I wanna go find some chicks. Heh, but Resusci, you is a chick! I said Resusci, you is a chick! Uh, Frank something's wrong this looks like the big one... I'll revive Resusci and tell Joel about the movie, you dial 911 while drinking water. Your film today, Joel, is a little film which stars no one. It features a giant lame lobster and oh... breathe two, three, four. It's called "Teenagers from Outer Space" and it is a spunky load of noodles.
Frank: Boy is it ever out there.
Dr. F: That's an odd taste. Send them the movie, Frank.
Joel, Crow and Servo: Health class?! Ugh! We got Movie Sign!
Crow: You know, Joel, that old Grandpa guy was way to nice when he rented that room to the teenager from outer space. Real life landlord would never be like that.
Servo: Why, yes. Things that happen in the movies are different from the way they happen in real life.
Joel: Right Tom, so here from our 'Look at the Lighter Side Department' we'd like to introduce a new segment called 'Reel to Real'. Let's check it out. Move aside you guys. You see, see in reel life...
Servo: You're offered free room and board until you can find a job and pay back your rent.
Joel: In real life...
Crow: If your late with your rent your room is padlocked and you end up living in a refrigerator box.
Joel: In reel life...
Servo: Your roommate is a beautiful, young woman who fills your life with afternoon swims, moonlit drives, and the promise of romance.
Joel: In real life...
Crow: Your roommate is a stinky, high school dropout who fills your life with head lice, crusty laundry, and furry cans of Spaghetti O's.
Joel: In reel life...
Servo: Your landlord is a rosy cheeked, cheerful man.
Joel: In real life...
Crow: Your landlord is a is a butane addict who sneaks into your apartment and looks through your underwear drawer.
Joel: In reel life...
Servo: There's a big, fat, drunk guy sleeping on your couch.
Joel: And in real life...
Crow: There's a big, fat, drunk guy sleeping on your couch.
Joel, Crow, and Servo: Hahahahhahahaha!
Joel: These are a few of the differences between reel life and real life. Stay with us on our 'Look to the Lighter Side Department' for some of those everyday befuddlements that come at us in such a humorous way, like dieting; I just look at a piece of bread and I gain five pounds. Look at Crow here, he can eat ten banana splits and not gain an ounce. I hate him.
Crow and Servo: Uh?
Joel: And Mondays what are you going to do. Don't even talk to me 'til I had my coffee in the morning.
Servo: I can't stand him when he's like this.
Joel: What about starting the car, have you thought about it? My hip hurts. Why?
Joel, Crow, and Servo: Dadadadadadada! Dadadadadadada! Dadadadadadada!
Joel: Alright you guys, the waste receptacle is in position. Are you ready?
Crow and Servo: Roger.
Joel: Okay, I'm about to jettison the snacks into space... Here we go.
Joel, Crow and Servo: Dadadadadadada! Dadadadadadada! Dadadada!
Joel, Crow, and Servo: Dadadada!
Joel, Crow, and Servo: Da! Dadadada! Da! Daa!
Crow: There is no smoking in this auditorium, and now we invite you to join our feature presentation.
Joel and Servo: Daa! Da! Da! Da! Daa! Daa!
Joel: We got Movie Sign!
Joel: Is this your card? Hey Crow, what's up?
Crow: Oh. Just thinkin', whatchin' the snack food drift by.
Crow: Nothin' much ever happens around here.
Crow: Makes me realize how alone we are, know what I mean?
Crow: Hangin' in space like a giant speck of food floating in the ocean...
Crow: ...sooner or later to be swallowed up by some creature floatin by. Another day in paradise, yep, yep, yep.
Servo: This is a loaded deck, isn't it?
Crow: I mean, c'mon! What if there is no supreme being? Wouldn't that be a fine how-do-ya-do?
Joel: Oh, there's a supreme being alright.
Crow: Well, okay.
Joel: Hey, Tom, what have you been up to lately?
Servo: Red. You know me. I try to ward off my boredom with my hobbies. Red.
Servo: Well, I finally finished off my Tristar Pegasus logo we're going to use in our next movie pageant.
Joel: Oh, really. That's great.
Servo: Trying to get those little wings to stick...
Joel: I'd really like to see that sometime, you know?
Servo: Well, sure. You know, I got it right down here.
Crow: Hey guys, there's a ship comin' into view.
Servo: Ah, Crow, you're plumb loco. It's just probably some gummi bear from before.
Crow: Oh no no no, it's a skull cruiser. It's black and demonic and it spreads darkness and death. Cool.
Servo: Crow, you're so high. Red. Gummi bears are... Gummi bears don't spread darkness and death... do they?
Crow: And it's piloted by a ghostly figure with a foul countenance and deadly intent. You guys got to see this.
Joel: Crow, I think you're just seeing one of those packs of Jordan Almonds we shot out...
Joel, Crow, and Servo: Aah!
Joel: Gimme Rocket Number Nine, quick!
Joel, Crow, and Servo: Boss! Hooker Headers and Thrush pipes. Woofers, tweeters, and bears.
Joel: Oh, my! Hey guys, check out the Hexfield Viewscreen.
Crow and Servo: Huh.
Joel: Wow... I think he's trying to tell us something.
Servo: Oh man, was that lame! Boo! Do over.
Joel: Seems like kind of a gyp, man.
Servo: That wasn't cool, that was the dumbest visitor ever!
Crow: Well, that janitor was pretty dumb.
Servo: Well, that's true. You know, the guy with the thick glasses.
Joel: Hey Tom, you know that Pegasus your working on? This horse is a cow.
Servo: Does it really make a difference?
Joel: Nah, I don't think so... We'll be right back.
Joel: In today's experiment, our alien teenager's slenderizing, attractive space garb is obviously a clever combination of $30 off-the-rack Fleet Farm coveralls and just the right amount of duct tape.
Crow: Well, our Fall line is out and weren't we just the teensiest bit inspired by today's experiment.
Servo: You bet. So, Cambot, our first model please. Inspired by the practical frivolity of a Donna Karan, here's Joel cavorting in a peppy jumper, accented with red duct tape piping for the right amount of come-hither sensuality. I take it a daring approach for our fetching lad. Eh, Mr. Crow?
Crow: Oui oui, monsieur. But wait, isn't that gadabout gadfly Tom Servo in my cap length tunic and opaque legging striped with a teasing speck of bright, but serious perma-seal gaffer tape. Grr.
Joel: Well now, I wanted to see Crow in something a little co-ed that absolutely screams Fall. And by golly, didn't I get it. Coverall meets polo in this rugged taped stripe rugged jersey with a khaki pant and a touch of merry old England. Eh, what?
Servo: What? What? Oh, oh, my turn. Ahem, and just in time for the cruise season. And our little cruiser sports my sassy nautical theme in a navy coverall with white gaffer piping. It's gossited for an easy feel and guess what? Bellbottoms are back and just in time. Well you can swab my deck anytime, sailor. By the by, you were a dream at the shoot session. I'll work with you any old time.
Crow: Well from ship to shore, Tommy. Now how many times has this happened to you: Dinner, Mr. President? Tonight? Why sure. Now what do ya do? My versatile black cotton broad cloth with shinny gloss duct tape lapels and accents comes to the rescue with our little enjenu. From chaos to Kenny Bunkport.
Joel: And just in time. Evening maybe Tom's but the night belongs to Crow. Wow. My eyes can't help but to turn at the sight at this magnificent little nothing...
Crow: Uh... Uh, Joel! Joel! Joel! Joel! Cambot, that's enough! Joel!
Crow: I thought we agreed not to show that one. Things got a little carried away at the photo session. We were discussing JFK the film and one thing led to another and... Haha, well.
Joel: Honey, If you got it flaunt it, you know. Let's do a letter, okay?
Crow: Yeah, let's read a letter, shall we?
Joel: Well this one says, "Dear Joe." Let's put this up on still store, Cambot. "My who family likes your shows, except my mom. She hates the jokes you make."
Joel: "We all are fans except for her, what should we do?" Ahmadi, San Jose California, and it shows an unhappy mom.
Servo: Just tell mom to wait for Lawrence Welk to come back.
Joel: Ooh, what a burn, that's somebody's mother. This next one comes from -- put it up on the still store -- the Gamera team, University of Kentucky College of Medicine. "Dear Joel, Crow, Tom Servo, and Gypsy."
Joel and Servo: "A number of us here on Earth at the University of Kentucky College of Medicine..."
Joel: Stop it. "...were greatly inspired by the Gamera movies shown last year on MST, so inspired in fact that we named our pediatrics ward team after Gamera himself and became the Gamera team." And let's show a picture of them. And that's some of the young...
Crow: Not very good.
Joel: They'll be doctors someday.
Servo: No, it's fine. I feel secure and safe knowing that they're going to be practicing medicine on human beings.
Joel: What do you think, sirs?
Dr. F: Hahahahaha, and then the clam says I thought I was a bivalve, hahahaha. I see you've heard that one. Oh excuse me, dear. Joel, I was just entertaining. Until next time. Uh, pour the wine and then push the Button, Louie.
Frank: Oui oui, monsieur. Hehehehe... Help me.
Dr. F: So have I told you I have a man up in space. No literally, I have a man up in space.
Back to Experiments.
Back to MSTies Anonymous.