||Women of the Prehistoric Planet
||The Corpse Vanishes
Joel: Hey, sirs! Hey, Cambot, bring it in a little bit. I'm ready for this week's Invention Exchange. This is called the Chiro-gyro, and if you happen to suffer from back, neck, or pelvis pains, you just strap it on and let it go, it does the work for you, watch. Uhh, what do you think?
Dr. F: Oh, Larry, I brought you a little something from the Mad Scientist's Convention this year. A little gift that I brought here for you.
Dr. E: Oh, what is it, you?
Dr. F: It's the Isaac Asimov body splash, it's part of the Foundation Trilogy gift set.
Dr. E: Oh, and it's pretty too! It smells like space!
Dr. F: Yes... and it also goes with the Mad Scientist Masculine Hygene Mousse...
Dr. E: Oh, let me try that!
Dr. F: Uh, later, later. It's time to get Joel on the old horn here. Give him our experiment this week. Would you like to do the honors?
Dr. E: Oh, hoo-hoo! Oh, you are something special. Come in Joel, you tree-rotating skanky boy!
Dr. F: Uh, not bad, not bad.
Dr. F: Hmm...I'd like to strap that on you, Larry.
Dr. E: Yeah, that'd be a nice way to... unwind! Hehehehe... hehehe... he...
Dr. F: Oh, stop it.
Dr. E: I'm sorry.
Dr. F: Here's our invention this week, Joelette. As you know, the old squirting joke flower has lost the ability to shock or surprise.
Dr. E: Oh, we souped it up, though. We came up with a burning boutenire featuring the flame-flower Hahaha-hoo-hoo!
Dr. F: I'd like to see anyone who isn't surprised by that, Joeline! Hahaha!
Dr. E: Hoo-hoo-hoo! Hahahahaha! Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Joel: I cannot believe you guys, that is so hateful.
Dr. F and Dr. E: Thaaank you!
Dr. F: Well, our burnt offering this week, Joel, is a little scientific nugget called "The Corpse Vanishes".
Dr. E: It features Bela Lugosi stewing in his own mediocrity.
Dr. F: Yes, but first another of those Space Stinkers, "Commando Cody and the Bridge of Death".
Dr. E: Enjoy!
Joel: Movie Sign!
Crow: Hey, whaddya readin'?
Servo: Oh, it's the latest edition of Tiger Bot magazine. They have a big full color spread of Data, from Star Trek.
Crow: Data? Wow! He's dreamy!
Servo: Says here he's getting bigger than Kirk Cameron, too!
Crow: Wow! Hey! Hey! Hey! Look at that schematic there! Wow! Look at that brain!
Servo: Wish I had me one of those positronic brains...
Crow: Wow, Data's got all the candy! Hey uh, Servo... Uh... Who's the dream date this week?
Servo: Uh, let me see... says here... Tweaky!
Crow: Tweaky?! What a coaster! He hasn't worked since Buck Rogers!
Servo: I know! What a butt! Beedy-beedy-beedy, wanna dance...? Buck.
Crow: Haha! Yeah, you know that guy couldn't interface without a load-pan adaptor! Such a shrimpy little 'Bot, anyway! You know, with those ineffectual arms... and that stupid bubble head and...
Servo: Funny, Crow... Oh, great! Here, look! Here's the spreadsheet on Data! Let's see... Turn ons: electricity... uh... quiet walks in the Holodeck... crazy supercomputers... uh... Let's see... Turn offs: switches... fat Klingons in sweat pants... and Shatner, hanging around the set, telling old war stories... Oh, here. And Tandy products. Okay. Pet peeves: Yes, definitely... Uh... Favorite Actress: Julie Newmar. Favorite Scotch: James Doohan... Secret Fantasy: Hey! Wait a minute! Look at this: His secret fantasy! It says right here... "I'd really love to be a human." Oh, man!
Crow: Oh! How predictable! The old Pinnochio syndrome!
Servo: This is the kind of clown that gives us 'Bots a bad name!
Crow: Yeah! What a sellout!
Servo: And speaking of sellouts...
Joel: Hey, wait, wait! Wait, wait, wait! C'mere, c'mere, you guys. Come on back here.
Servo: Huh-huh... huh... uh... huh... huh...
Crow: Oh, man!
Gypsy: Uh... uh-uh-uh! Uh...
Crow: Woah! No!
Gypsy: Uh... uh... uh... Tag! You're it!
Joel: Uh... tag, you're it!
Servo: Oh, you!
Joel: Movie Sign!
Servo: Didn't that refrigeration course pan out for him?
Crow: So, what can I do for you today, big boy?
Joel: Uh, just gimme the usual.
Crow: Alright, you want the ears left on? Nah, just a little barber joke, there. Well. Oh, say, did you hear about the Mason boy?
Joel: Jimmy, the oldest?
Crow: Yeah, got caught in the family thrasher machine!
Servo: Dad had to pull him out with the come-along!
Crow: Yeah well, the good news is now he gets to play center over at the new high school! Turn, please!
Joel: On the basketball team?
Servo: Looks like the Dixons are marrying out their youngest.
Joel: Ah, Pixie. She's a super gal!
Crow: Yeah, I remember her when she was just a little darling. She's marrying the Fenton boy. He's trouble! Lean left. Nah, your other left, hehehe! Yeah, he's taking hydraulics over at the Vo-Tech.
Crow: Well, it did until the freon accident! Hey, what do you want me to do with this cyst?
Joel: Uh, just comb over it, okay? You know I saw the Fentons over to the hot fish shop, ya know?
Servo: Oh, they do a nice job over there! Oh, the relish tray: to die for! We gotta bring the girls down there! They'd just love it!
Joel: Yeah, they'd love that place.
Crow: Oop! Was that your ear?
Crow: How 'bout that?
Servo: There goes your tip!
Crow: Yeah, well. Hey, you know, I was at the Crazy Days over at Boskerville, you know, the other day for that clown parade thing they do, Joel. Yeah, you've heard of that, for sure? They get the Lion's Club together with the Kiwanis from Ellsworth. There's about 150 of 'em there for this Clown Jamboree, you know. You know, well, about 150 clowns running wild in the street with the big clown suits and the fake mustard and all that stuff.
Joel: Well, they do a wonderful job!
Crow: Yeah, well, I know how much you boys like clowns, you know. Well, these boys, anyway, they took a few tall, cold ones and that wasn't even enough and they had a few road sodas with them, you know what I mean? And they ended up rolling that fire engine right there in the Main Street! Gasoline and clown white, all over the road! Yeah, you know, those clown shoes burn like black tires! Yep, big black stinky cloud hanging over the whole ugly scene. Why, they're still picking up clown noses! Yep. They called the coroner from up at Bixby, you know. He's got that ambulance from the war. He's the only one in town. They still managed to cram all 200 of them clowns into that little, bitty wagon! Yep. Yep. Sad.
Joel: Okay, it's that time, it's the end of the movie and it's time for some RAM chip action. Okay.
Joel: You know what to do, Tom Servo, why don't you tell us about it, buddy?
Servo: Okay, Mr. Patronize. We say something good about the movie, then something bad about the movie, and then we get a RAM chip. Right? To serve with love?
Joel: Yeah, and I think I'm gonna start with Crow while you adjust your attitude, alright? Okay, okay, Crow, gimme a good thing about the movie, gimme a bad thing about the movie.
Crow: Good thing about the movie was, we got to meet an entire family of mutants.
Joel: Right, and the bad thing?
Crow: Bad thing was, they're so stupid they tried to commit inconspicuous murder on the most conspicuous day of a woman's life!
Joel: You, my friend, get a RAM chip.
Joel: There you go, alright good, uh, fell out there. Okay, anyway, Tom Servo. Now, tell me a bad thing about the movie.
Servo: Well, it was painfully long, the color was non-existant, it was a bad print, it was really hard to watch, Bela Lugosi's already mediocre for this...
Joel: Oh, okay, okay, that's just... that's good now just good me a ba- a uh, good thing.
Servo: Uh... um...
Joel: You'll get a RAM chip.
Servo: Uh, uh.... um... uh... um...
Joel: Just gimme a good thing, pal, what's wrong? Can't you think of a good thing about the movie?
Servo: A good... thing... something is w... uh... Daisy... Dai...
Joel: Oh, man, Crow you gotta go get my tools. Tom Servo's toasted. This one's fried. Anyway. Scientists, what did you think of that one?
Dr. E: Hey, it blew up one of his little drone things! I'll make a note to get more movies just like that!
Dr. F: Yes. Here Larry, file this. Well, bye for now, my little space biscuit!
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