Experiments MSTies Anonymous SOL Post The Club MSTie Net



1001 Soultaker 04/11/99
1002 Girl in Gold Boots 04/18/99
1003 Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders 09/12/99



1002 Girl in Gold Boots A Best Brains Production
Prologue
Segment 1
Segment 2
Segment 3
Segment 4
Segment 5
1002.wav "Hell's pusses." -Crow 18k



Prologue


Servo: Ah. Oh yeah, that's nice. You are a miracle worker, my friend!
Mike: Hi, everyone. Mike Nelson here. Welcome to the Satellite of Love. I'm here with Tom Servo and uh...
Crow: Hey, hey!
Mike: Crow T. Robot. Hey, whatcha got there, Crow?
Crow: Oh, that's my WWBSMD bracelet.
Mike: Huh.
Crow: Whenever I find myself at a moral crossroads, which happens alot, okay?
Servo: Hehe.
Crow: I remember my bracelet, look down deep into my soul and I ask myself, "What Would Buffy St. Marie Do?" Then I'm able to get my moral bearings!
Servo: Huh. Okay, okay... Say, say you had a friend, or say Mike here...
Crow: Yeah.
Servo: ...and he comes to you wearing a hideous outfit...
Crow: Right.
Servo: So yeah, Mike. And he's just about to go on a date. Uh, so it wouldn't be Mike, would it?
Crow: No.
Servo: Anyway, he asks you to tell him honestly how he looks. Do you lie and let him make a fool out of himself or do you tell him the truth and risk hurting his feelings?
Crow: Huh. I would write a folk song! Any other dilemmas I can help you guys with?
Mike: Hehe. No, we're okay. We'll be right back.
Crow: Hey, little bird. I remember you.
Pearl: Go on and play your silly games. You won't be laughing after I've become a fully-accredited mad scientist. Hahahaha! Right after this.


Segment 1


Servo: So anyway, that's what Jerry Jeff Walker would do.
Crow: Ah.
Mike: He sounds like a man of great character.
Servo: Mmm-hmm.
Mike: Crow, what's the bracelet with all the W's stand for?
Crow: Oh, this stands for the "What Would the World Wide Wrestling Federation, Woodrow Wilson, Wet Willie, Wesley Willis, Wade Wilson, William Wyler, Wendy Wasterstien, Walt Whitman, Willy Wonka, Vim Vendors..."
Mike: Okay, alright, okay. Can it. Pearl's calling us.
Crow: "...Do?"
Bobo: No no, Lawgiver, please. Oh boy, that is most unpleasant. And I'm missing "That Girl."
Pearl: So, Nelson, once I'm finished with you, I'll return to the institute with proof -- proof -- that it is they who were mad. Mad for not seeing the potential behind my grandest experiment. Hahahahahehehehehahahaha!
Servo: Pearl? What the Samuel Langhorn Hell are you talking about?
Pearl: What am talking about? Why, nothing less than world domination! Hahaha.
Mad Scientist: Okay, Pearl, I think I've got a pretty good idea of what you're capable of. I'm just going to make some notes.
Pearl: Okay, great. Um, take any space you need.
Mad Scientist: Thank you.
Pearl: Hey, morons. Sorry about all that. I gotta get board-certified with the Institute of Mad Scientists. I didn't know it, but it's illegal to rule the world if you're not board-certified. Brain Guy!
Observer: Yes, madam.
Pearl: I wanted to give you a hump.
Observer: Now look, whatever your feelings are for me, I think they should be put aside...
Pearl: On your back, idiot.
Observer: That's sexual harassment and I don't have to take it.
Pearl: A latex hump.
Observer: Now see here!
Pearl: Would you just put this on?
Mad Scientist: Okay, well why don't you show me how you plan to take over the world and I'll throw in if I have any questions.
Pearl: Okay. Um, super. Uh, I'll just call my subject. Nelson? Prepare to be tortured by my maddest creation yet. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Your movie is wrenched from uh, wrenched from Hell itself. It's called "Girl in Gold Boots"?
Mike: Okay then, Pearl.
Crow and Servo: Mmm-hmm.
Pearl: I am trying to get accredited. Could you please help me out here? Yes, the mephitic "Girl in Gold Boots."
Crow: Madness!
Mike: No!
Crow: Aah! Aah! Aah! It's madness! It's madness!
Mike: I can't take it...
Crow: It's uh, uh...
Observer: Master! No! Oh! Ah! Oh! Mercy, mercy...
Bobo: Um, guys! Isn't anybody going to shock me over here or what's going on? I dunno...
Observer: No! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Crow: Would you cut it out?
Mike: Sorry. Oh, Movie Sign!


Segment 2


Mike: Hey, guys.
Crow: Yeah, Mike. You're probably wondering why I'm pissed off at you.
Servo: Oh.
Mike: Uh no, not really.
Crow: Well, too bad. I'm going to exact petty, childish revenge on you.
Servo: Oh.
Crow: Yeah, and I'm gonna have to pour beer on your most beloved object. Hehehe. Well, what is your most beloved object?
Mike: Oh, uh... Well, I'd have to say my personalized, heirloom beer stein.
Crow: Yeah! Hahahahaha! Oh uh, say, could you uh, help me exact revenge with...
Mike: Oh no, Crow, please Crow, no... Uh, sure!
Crow: Okay, okay. There. Nice and easy like.
Mike: Alright.
Crow: Take the beer there. That's right. And pour it all over your stein!
Servo: No.
Mike: Oh, no...
Crow: That's right, you're gonna get what you've got comin', Mr. Cool. Teach you a lesson in a big way.
Servo: But Crow, you're out of your mind. Don't you know he'll kill you for that?
Crow: Ah, don't worry your pretty little head about it, Servo.
Servo: Oh.
Mike: Hey you know, Crow, I should tell you that uh, you are a most beloved to me, too. You know that?
Crow: Okay then, buddy! You are going to take that beer and throw it on me!
Servo: Oh.
Mike: But Crow...
Crow: Do it!
Servo: Oh.
Crow: Yeah that's right, loser.
Mike: Oh, alright.
Crow: You know you've got it coming. There ya go.
Servo: Oh.
Crow: Hahahaha!
Servo: Oh.
Crow: Revenge is sweet!
Mike: Yeah, yeah...
Servo: Oh.
Crow: Okay, now get out of here, you damn punk, and take your beer with you.
Mike: Okay, alright. Well, I think I've learned my lesson. Uh, see you, Crow.
Servo: Oh.
Crow: Hehehe. Ah, hahahahaha!
Servo: Oh.
Crow: Ah, heheh... Eww.
Servo: Huh.
Crow: Now that didn't pan out quite the way I expected.
Servo: Oh.


Segment 3


Servo: Yeah! Alright, baby! Shake what your mamma gave you! Yeah!
Mike: Hey, Tom, have you seen the Scotch tape? What the hell is going on here?
Servo: Well, we set up a little club here, Mike. Good times, man!
Mike: But Crow is, is...
Servo: Shaking his money-maker, that's right. Go, baby!
Crow: Oh, I'm going! Check this out. Watch.
Servo: Oh yeah! Shake your good stuff, baby!
Mike: But Crow, he's shaking all his various things and he has a tiny, gold bikini on.
Servo: Not for long.
Crow: But first you have to stuff money in it.
Servo: Oh oh yeah, Mike, get my bag. We gotta start stuffin'. I got a roll of singles in there as big as a pork roast!
Mike: No! No, Crow will keep all his clothes on, no matter how miniscule they are.
Crow: I don't even usually wear clothes, Mike. What's your deal?
Servo: I think you're uncomfortable acknowledging Crow as a sexual being.
Mike: He's not a sexual being! He's a robot, and so are you.
Crow: Man, you have such body issues, Mike.
Servo: Mike "Tallabam" Nelson.
Crow: You know, I'm sorry if you're ashamed of your body, Mike. Me, I'm not.
Servo: Ashamed of our bodies, that is. We are ashamed of yours!
Crow: That's right. Here I go! Watch it.
Mike: No, no...
Servo: Alright!
Mike: C'mon...
Servo: How 'bout a little over... Alright!
Mike: Stop it, stop it in the name of all that is good and decent.
Crow: Here's the good stuff.
Mike: Oh! Oh! Aah! Aah!
Servo: Woah, yeah! Yeah! Hey, bartender! Hook me and a longneck and put on everybody's workin' for the weekend. Shake your peach cobbler, baby! Good times! Hehe! Ah, hell. We got Movie Sign.


Segment 4


Mike: Your lips are slender, your eyes are blue. Your hair is blonde, your lips the way they're red. Your skin, your fingers, your ears, your nose. Your touch, your feet, I am sad.
Crow: Um, Mike? The water there? Um, it got into a fuse box. Uh, there's a small fire. Uh, that's okay. We'll get it.
Mike: I need you so much, I fall down and cry.
Crow: Mike uh, look. Oh, I'll wait.
Mike: You smile and you cry, you're like wine.
Crow: Uh now, Mike? The fire's a little worse than we thought. It must've gotten into some insulation or something. Hoo boy.
Mike: I woo many ladies, they are fair ladies all. Their hearts like room to me.
Crow: Look, Mike, what we need you to do is to move out of that part of the ship.
Mike: Raindrops and snowflakes and puppies. Oh, I could cry for them too. Crow: Mike, would you forget about the raindrops and the puppies and get out? Life support is failing, decks 3 through 7 are gone. Oh my God, Servo, look out!
Mike: I love your eyes, they're like wine. Yes, wine. I am so sad and I feel like like rain. Nachos? Woah! Be right there! Crow: Uh yeah, Mike, we got it. There's still alot of smoke and water down here, but as far as we know, it's out. Now look, we're gonna go make some nachos, okay?


Segment 5


Mike: Hehehehehehe.
Crow: Hehehehehe.
Servo: Hehehehehehehe. Hey! We're all dressed like that ugly thug in the movie.
Crow: Yeah. Hehehehehe.
Mike, Crow and Servo: Hehehehehehehe... Heh...
Mad Scientist: So, your experiment caused them to dress as Armenian mobsters and giggle.
Pearl: Look at those poor dopes writhing in pain. What do you think, huh? Pretty high-pollutin' mad science. Uh-huh!
Mad Scientist: Right. Not even fit for a guest spot on Beakman's World.
Pearl: What? No, I am evil. I even went and took and killed my monkey for you.
Bobo: Huh?
Pearl: Oh, shut up and die, fat-head.
Mad Scientist: I'm off!
Pearl: No, sir. Come on, you can't leave. I have to take over the world.
Mad Scientist: There's absolutely nothing truly evil going on... here. Wait a minute. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Forrester, this is mad! Well, decidedly mad! You've shown us something quite new.
Pearl: It is new, isn't it?
Mad Scientist: Absolutely horrifying. Alright, Forrester, you're in. Conditionally... Can he... pony?
Observer: Can I pony?
Mad Scientist: Haha. If we can harness this level of terror, we can rule the world!
Observer: I'll take that.
Pearl: Truly genius.



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