Experiments MSTies Anonymous SOL Post The Club MSTie Net

913 Quest of the Delta Knights 09/26/98
1001 Soultaker 04/11/99
1002 Girl in Gold Boots 04/18/99

1001 Soultaker A Best Brains Production
Transcripts by LaNena42@hotmail.com
Segment 1
Segment 2
Segment 3
Segment 4
Segment 5
1001.wav "Now they're just gratuitously postponing the nudity." -Servo 27k


Mike: Well howdy, folks, Mike Nelson here and uh, welcome to the Satellite of Love. Hehe, Richard Attenborough. Uh, before we get started I should tell you that I just put my hands in something very cold and wet! Ick!
Crow: Mike! You interrupted our wet t-shirt contest!
Mike: Your... what?
Servo: Wet t-shirt contest. You know, the favorite form of entertainment in Florida, Southern California, and parts of Wisconsin.
Crow: Yeah.
Mike: Okay. And these would be your wet t-shirts.
Crow: Right-o! I won with my waffle-net crew-neck, which absorbed a full 1.35 liters of water.
Mike: Good.
Servo: And while Crow won the day, my Hanes Beefy Tee absorbed faster, with less dripping.
Crow: But we're not quite sure still what the whole big deal is over wet t-shirt contests.
Mike: I've got a little talk with my robots, and we'll be right back after this.
Crow: Uh...
Servo: Uh, Mike? What's happening?
Mike: I dunno, usually we go away, only to be right back.
Crow: Well, we're not, could you do something, please?
Mike: Okay, hang on. Again, we'll be right back.
Crow: Yeah.
Servo: Ah, hell. I'm leaving, enough of this stuff.
Crow: Mike, jiggle something or somethin'.
Mike: Okay, uh... you know, maybe... Maybe it's this piece of...
Crow and Servo: Ah, there, yeah, there we go.
Mike: Okay, there we go. We'll be right back... I, I hope.
Crow: Really.

Segment 1

Mike: Hi, welcome back to the Satellite of... woah! Hey, what's goin' on?
Servo: Why it's Martin Van Buren, our nation's eighth president!
Mike: Yeah. Uh, Cambot, could you do something about that?
Servo: That's better.
Mike: Ahh... There we go. Okay, thanks. Anyway, we got a lot to do today, so if we could, uh...
Joel: Is anyone out there? ...still alive? Is this the Satellite of Love?
Crow: Dum, dum, dum, dum...
Mike: Hey, hey, hey, now there was another guy, and he was trying to say something. Did you see that?
Crow: What? Oh, it was probably Martin Van Buren again. And he was trying to say "Hi, I'm Martin Van Buren, 8th president of the United States. I was born in Kinderhook, New York..."
Servo: Oh, stop it with the Kinderhook, you...
Crow: What?
Servo: Mike, the ship is ten years old, you gotta expect these kind of malfunctions.
Crow: Yeah, I just got this cup of coffee from the food synthesizer, and it gave me corn niblets instead.
Mike: Eww. Corn with half & half and Sweet & Low? Yuck.
Crow: Well, I take my corn black, so it's not a problem.
Mike: Oh, I see.
Gypsy: Attention, attention. The ship is undergoing multiple malfunctions and they're increasing geometrically.
Mike: Man.
Gypsy: Just thought I'd let you stupid idiots know.
Mike: Yahh! Stupid idiots? Gyps', did we do something to offend you?
Gypsy: Ah, cram it you meat puppet.
Servo: Wow.
Gypsy: I don't have time for your constant whiny crap.
Crow: Wow.
Servo: Oh. You know, she does have a point, Mike.
Crow: That's true.
Mike: Oh, can't you see that Gypsy's malfunctioning just like everything else? Let me get a hold of Pearl. Hey, Pearl, Pearl, hello? Pearl, our wessel is malfunctioning.
Crow: Ahh, vessel.
Mike: You're right, vessel.
Pearl: Oh, hold on a second. Just let me check and see if I care. Ahh, oh, um... no... seems like I don't. Uh, Brain Guy, do you care?
Observer: Hmm... Hmm. Wow. Let me check just to see if I care... Um, no, no, seems like I don't care. Bobo?
Bobo: How come I always gotta be the thimble?
Observer: Bobo says no.
Mike: Oh, and now the shower's not working.
Crow: Woah!
Servo: Mike, it's only been three minutes!
Mike: Oh, man.
Crow: Well, he does tend to perspire heavily.
Mike: Uh, Pearl, can you help at all, huh?
Crow and Servo: Eww.
Pearl: You wanna help 'em out, Brain Guy?
Observer: Hmm... Hmm. Wow. Uh, well, of course I'd like to... no.
Pearl: Me neither.
Bobo: Oh c'mon you guys, we gotta help 'em. Otherwise they'd die, and we wouldn't have anybody to play with.
Pearl: Bobo, you're right. Mike, I find that in times of crisis watching a skin-peelingly bad movie can truly help. To that end, I offer you the balm that is Soultaker. A movie which an ambitious young lady wrote for herself to star in. I now turn over your healing process to her. Brain Guy, you wanna send 'em the movie, there?
Observer: Hmm... Hmm. Wow. Wow. Ohh, ow.
Pearl: Game's over, Powder.
Observer: I... I... I'd love to do it, just a little bit hard with your eyeball thing twisted. Ah, okay. I'm fine.
Mike, Crow and Servo: Ah! We got Movie Sign!
Mike: Yow. Hey, what the? Oh, now the stupid doors...
Servo: Try manually, Mike.
Crow: Well, I guess we just can't watch the movie!
Servo: Run!

Segment 2

Servo: Something is definitely wrong. The whirl pool is ice cold!
Mike: Yow.
Gypsy: Life support is failing and there is a mysterious ship keeping pace with us and holding us in its tractor beam.
Crow: Oh my gosh, an alien presence is attacking us! What do we do, Mike, what do we do?
Mike: Uh... Turn it over to Gypsy.
Crow: Yeah.
Gypsy: Yeah? Munch on this!
Crow: Woah.
Servo: Oh great, Gypsy's hopeless. You'd better take command, Mike.
Mike: Ah! Me?
Crow: Yeah, we're losing time, Mike. Lead us, inspire us!
Mike: Okay, alright. Uh... I'm in command.
Crow: Yeah. That's established.
Mike: Alright, good. Uh... Put alien ship on Viewscreen.
Servo: Ah, good. That'll help.
Mike: Uh... There!
Servo: Uh, yeah. I think we need a little something more, Mike. Life support is still failing and all.
Mike: Right, okay. Uh... Increase magnification.
Crow: Uh, Mike, we don't actually have... magnifi...
Mike: Alright, just a little bit. In, in. Good. Alright, uh... shields up.
Servo: Shields?
Crow: Shields? What's he smokin'?
Mike: Uh... Arm photon torpedoes.
Servo: Uh, Mike, uh, we only have that one photon torpedo, but uh, Crow set it off in your locker, if you remember.
Crow: Hehe...
Mike: Oh, okay. Uh, well, uh... Close Hexfield.
Crow: Woah!
Mike: Well uh, there. I've broken the Hexfield. Carry on, I'll be in my room.
Crow: Great, Mike, that's just great.
Servo: Uh, we'll be right back.
Crow: Uh, you gonna need any corn in there?

Segment 3

Mike: Heh, there. We've fixed every problem, found every flaw. What could possibly go wrong, huh?
Crow: How 'bout everything?
Mike: Pearl!  Help!
Pearl: I can't play now! A soultaker has appeared in the castle and it's attacking Bobo!
Observer: Unhand him, you wraith!
Frank: Go away, pale one!
Pearl: I'll save you, Bobo! I don't know who you are, but get your soul-pinchin' paws off my monkey.
Frank: Ah, Pearl Forrester. At last we... Hey, Pearl, how's it goin'?
Pearl: Ah, Frank! Geez, Frank, is it really you?
Frank: Ah, come here Pearl.
Pearl: Frank, I thought you were dead!
Frank: I am dead. I was in Second Banana Heaven for a while, but it is so political up there. Pat Buttram had it in for me right from the start. So then I was an angel for a while, and then I got into big trouble for appearing to people as Della Reese. Scared the hell out of 'em. So, they transferred me to soultaking.
Pearl: Oh. Oh uh, Frank, Brain Guy. Brain Guy, Frank.
Observer: Well met, deceased one.
Frank: Hey, great. Where'd ya get the Hostess Snowball?
Pearl: Tell me about it.
Frank: So, how are Mike and the 'Bots doing up there?
Pearl: Well, let's take a look.
Mike: Oh no! Now we're plummeting into Earth's atmosphere!
Servo: Gonna be sick! Woah!
Crow: I give up my God to thee...
Frank: I can't believe it! This gordita is delicious!
Pearl: Oh, try a border fry.
Bobo: Oh, Lawgiver! It was horrible! An unpleasant man tried to steal my soul and... Oh, hello. And he had this hair that... He's... Oh, it's him!
Pearl: Oh, Frank.  We have so much catching up to do!
Frank: Let's have some General Foods International Coffee.
Pearl: Oh, perfect. And you up there, get back into the theater!
Crow: Hey.
Mike: Huh? Hey, what'd I do?
Gypsy: You didn't do jack. We were saved by a tractor beam from that mysterious ship. Cambot, gimme Rocket Number Nine.
Mike: What? Why then we're saved! Thanks Gyps'!
Gypsy: Yeah. Jump up my tube, white boy!
Servo: Woo, hey.
Mike: Woah, and we've got Movie Sign, what else?

Segment 4

Servo: Huh. We're drifting, our orbit's decaying, and the mysterious craft still hovers nearby, dark and ominous. It did save our lives once, but why?
Crow: They're toying with us.
Servo: Yes.
Crow: Yes!
Servo: Oh no.
Crow: Toying!
Servo: Yes.
Crow: What do you want, you demons?
Servo: What do you want?
Crow: What do you want?
Servo: Who are you?
Crow: Who are you?!
Servo: Look. Behold! It's... it's... it's... it's...
Crow: Oh, it's just just Joel.
Servo: Yeah, I'd better get...
Joel: Hey, you guys.
Crow and Servo: Joel!
Servo: It's Joel!
Crow: Joel!
Servo: Hooray, it's Joel!
Crow: Joel's back, Joel's back, Joel's back!
Servo: Oh, it's good to see you, man.
Joel: Oh thanks, I... Crow, your voice kinda sounds different.
Crow: Wow, weird. Huh.
Joel: Oh, I get it, you changed you bowling pin. Smart. And uhm Tom, it's good to see you Hoverskirt's still operational.
Servo: Yep.
Joel: It's just great to see you guys, all bright and shiny and in proper working order.
Crow: Good to see you too, Joel. Say, how'd ya get up here?
Joel: Well, I won't go into too many details, other than it cost me a ton to get up here.
Servo: I'll bet.
Joel: When I was down on Earth, I found that Dr. Forrester had sabotaged the Satellite of Love so that a lot of the working components would self-destruct in ten years.
Servo: I knew there was something weird about that guy.
Joel: Yeah. So I came up here to fix it for you.
Crow: Well Joel, hehe, hadn't you better get started, then?
Joel: Oh, I mean, we've got some time, I mean, uh... What've you guys been up to?
Servo: Ah, you know, same old, same old. And you?
Crow: Right.
Joel: Well, you know, after I crash landed on the Outback, I kicked around Australia for a little while, and then I hooked up with the band Man or Astroman?, doing pyrotechnics. I finally made my way back to the Midwest, where I now manage the hot fish shop in Osseo.
Crow and Servo: Cool.
Mike: Okay guys, alright, I'm set to go. Oh, hey, who do we got here?
Crow: Mike, it's Joel! He's the guy who made us!
Servo: Yay!
Crow: He's gonna fix our ship.
Servo: Yay!
Mike: Yeah, I know you. I'm wearing your tube socks! They've...
Joel: Oh.
Mike: Hey, did I hear you say you were managing a hot fish shop?
Joel: Yeah, it's pretty neat.
Mike: That's great, I mean, how do you even get that?
Joel: Well, you know, I just had a really good interview. You know, I'm looking for an overnight cook.
Mike: Are you serious? Oh, man, I... Ah, who am I kidding. I'm stuck up here, I'm never gonna get down. Forget it, man.
Joel: Ah, man. C'mon, take it easy, you know. Things are gonna get better for you. I mean, uh, things change. I... uh, you know, listen to me, you know.
Mike: Alright. Well, hey, thanks.
Joel: Thanks.
Gypsy: Hey, you kids! Keep it down!
Joel: Hey, hiya Gypsy!
Gypsy: Bite me!
Joel: Oh, I'd better get going on Gypsy. I'll talk to you guys later, okay?
Mike: Okay, thanks a lot, okay, Joel.
Crow: Bye, Joel!
Servo: Bye-bye!
Crow: Joel's back!
Servo: Yeah.
Mike: Think about it. You know, I'm stuck up here, and that guy gets to manage a hot fish shop.
Servo: Hey, hey. Don't compare yourself Mike, it ain't healthy.
Crow: Yeah.
Servo: We'll be right back.
Mike: So, bring out the dressing...
Servo: Don't got there, man.
Crow: Make the three-bean salad.
Servo: Keep it to yourself.
Mike: Ah, you're right, you're right.

Segment 5

Crow: So uh, how'd it go, Joel?
Joel: Uh, it went pretty good. I did have some trouble though with the digital switching module. It was all... greasy.
Servo: Yeah, Mike here tried to patch it with strips of bacon.
Joel: Oh. Well uh, I've updated all necessary systems. You shouldn't have any problems for the next ten years or twenty-million miles, whichever comes first. You know what, I did want to show you this fuel filter though. You see all that gunk that's been building up in there?
Mike: Eww, yuck. That's gotta affect performance.
Joel: Yeah, it sure does, it's a good thing I happened along here. Now if you'll just sign this, I'll be on my way.
Mike: Okay, well then. Thanks a lot. Yeah, sorry 'bout that. I don't think about my fuel filter.
Joel: That's the thing, people don't think about it.
Mike: Yeah. Oh, you know what, Pearl's calling. Hang on.
Joel: Yeah, pay me now, pay me later.
Mike: Yeah, I know, I hear you.
Frank: Joel?! Is that Joel Robinson?
Joel, Mike, Crow and Servo: TV's Frank?!
Mike: Hey, look at that, it's Frank.
Joel: Frank! How are you, Frank?
Frank: Pretty good uh, been soul stealing. In fact... You're on my list. I'm going to need your soul. You know, when... when you get a minute.
Crow: Yu-oh, you'd better get going there, Joel.
Mike: Hey, hey. What about us? Can you take us with you?
Crow: Yeah!
Joel: You know, I don't really want to.
Crow: What?
Servo: Why?
Mike: Why?
Joel: Well, I'll tell you why. Because the years I spent here on the Satellite of Love were the best damn years of my life, and I wouldn't want you mugs to miss a minute of it!
Mike: Really?
Joel: Yeah, really. It made a man out of me, and maybe, just maybe, if you're lucky, it'll make a man out of you, too!
Mike: Yeah! Yeah, that's it! You get goin' and I'll stay here, and I'll get busy being a man!
Joel: That's right. I knew there was something I liked about you, Mike. And you two 'Bots... You just keep 'em flying and remember Joel, alright?!
Crow: Alright, Joel! So long, Joel! Bye-bye! Bye! Go knock yourself out! Mike: Yeah. Yeah. Alright, so long! Thanks! Thanks! Right out there, yeah. Servo: We'll remember you, Joel! There goes Joel Robinson, a man!
Crow: Yeah!
Mike: Wow man, think about it. A real man like that allowing me to find my own way!
Servo: That's right. Hey, press that button like a man, Mike.
Crow: Yeah, give it a try.
Mike: Okay.
Servo: Oh, yeah!
Crow: Smooth!
Servo: What a man.
Frank: Oh man, I'm gonna catch Hell from my boss. I haven't brought back any souls yet.
Pearl: Oh, Frank. Please, take my soul. I'm not going to be using it.
Frank: Oh no. I couldn't. Really, I couldn't.
Pearl: Oh, yeah? Well hang on. Hey Brain Guy!
Observer: Yo.
Pearl: Frank here is going to be stealing your soul.
Observer: Oh, I'm sorry. You're barking up the wrong albino. I'm just a brain. 100% soul-free. Sorry.
Bobo: Would um, someone maybe, um... like to, uh, steal my soul? Hehehe.
Frank: Really? Are you sure it's okay?
Bobo: Oh, this old soul? Please, do me the favor of stealing it.
Frank: Wow, okay.
Bobo: C'mon. There it goes. It's slipping out now. There. You'll be top soul stealer in no time.
Frank: I know!  Let's play ring toss... with your soul! Yay!
Pearl: I knew those two would get along.

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