Experiments MSTies Anonymous SOL Post The Club MSTie Net



013 SST Death Flight 02/19/89
014 Mighty Jack 03/05/89
015 Superdome 03/12/89



014 Mighty Jack
Segment 1
Segment 2
Segment 3
Segment 4
Segment 5
014.wav "All this action and we haven't even seen the credits yet!" -Crow
"Sandy Frank is all you need to know." -Servo
75k
014a.wav "Just relax, Mr. Atari, and enjoy the ride. It's a beautiful night." -Villain
"They're playing games with Mr. Atari." -Crow
81k



Segment 1


Dr. E: We've gotta talk!
Dr. F: I'm done talking. I'm all talked out. What's wrong with you, anyway?
Dr. E: I'll change!
Dr. F: Well then, change, damn you!
Dr. E: I've changed.
Dr. F: Not that quickly. It doesn't count.
Dr. E: You've gotta stop it. It doesn't make sense. You're killing us, Clay! We're not mad scientists, we're just angry.
Dr. F: Forget it! It would cost too much to change the letterhead. My God, I... I wake up this morning and I've got a mad scientist for a partner. And now, you've turned into Florence Henderson!
Dr. E: Oh, is that so wrong? We need a change! New outfits, a splash of color maybe!
Joel: Uh, sorry to interrupt, you two, but are we still doing this movie thing or what?
Dr. F: How long have you been listening?
Joel: Well, since Thursday?
Dr. E: Thurs- My casserole!
Dr. F: Oh, right. The movie. It's "Mighty Jack". Larry!
Joel: Movie Sign!


Segment 2


Servo: Hmm. Well, what are we going to tell him this time?
Crow: We don't have to tell him anything. He'll just laugh. The book says he'll just laugh!
Servo: Who's gonna tell him?
Crow: Uh, well, it's... it's between you and me. We welded Gypsy's lips together...
Gypsy: Mmm! Mmm!
Crow: And Servo, as long as your hand is gonna be welded there, you might as well give me a scratch.
Servo: Oh. You know, maybe we should stand by the heat exchange ducts and we can try to blend in.
Crow: You know, I've got a funny urge to apply for an arts board grant.
Joel: What are you guys...
Crow: Oh! Geez it! Geez it!
Joel: What are you guys doing? You're all welded together. You kinda look like a... microbrewery.
Servo: It's a little something we learned in the Boys Life Book of Safe But Naughty Practical Jokes. And our shadow kinda looks like a Chinese dragon! Do you think it works?
Joel: Uh, no.
Servo: Do you think it's funny?
Joel: Uh-umm. No.
Crow: Well, what... What do you think is funny?
Joel: Well, I think it'd be funny if you were all welded together and then were uh, wearing womens' foundation garments.
Servo and Crow: Oh!
Servo: Good idea.
Joel: Now that's funny!
Servo: Funny, but uncomfortable.
Crow: Not me, I'm wearing the teddy.
Joel: Let's go to a commercial. I feel like Benny Hill.


Segment 3


Servo: Oh, Punky Brewster? Does anybody think this is funny?
Crow: Now the robot on Lost in Space, now that was funny. "Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!"
Servo: Now that was funny!
Crow: Of course it was funny! That was a great line!
Servo: Well, he had great writers.
Crow: Let's face it, we don't know what humans think is funny.
Servo: You're right. Take Joel, for example. Last week, he thought sending electrical charges through me was funny.
Crow: Now he thinks that wearing women's clothing is funny.
Servo: You know, maybe it's time to destroy him!
Crow: Nah.
Servo: No, it's fatal for humans! There's no reboot system. And get this... no backup copy!
Crow: No backup copy?
Servo and Crow: Now that's funny!
Servo: Danger, danger, Will Robinson! Oh, danger, danger, danger!
Crow: Oh, I love that bit.
Servo: Oh, Movie Sign! Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!


Segment 4


Crow: Oh! Seven-ten split. That's gonna be hard to beat.
Servo: Here we are at the fifth ring. Crow's staring at a nasty seven-ten split for the inter-satellite championship. Oh, it's a good... Looking good! It is!
Crow: Bingo!
Joel: Allright!
Crow: Oh, that puts me over a ninety.
Joel: Good shot.
Crow: Oh boy, I hate these rental shoes, though. No matter how much you spray in, they still smell funny.
Servo: Shh!
Joel: Hey, wait a minute! I didn't know you could smell.
Servo: Ixnay...
Crow: Uh, did I say smell? I uh... meant spectro-analysis, of course.
Joel: Hey uh, let's play Murderball now!
Servo: Uh... no.
Joel: No? Hey, I uh... created you guys. I invented your world and when I say I want to play Murderball, we play Murderball!
Crow: Okay. Uh, not it!
Servo: Not it!
Joel: Wait a minute, do over.
Crow: Not it!
Servo: Not it!
Joel: Not it. Um... How 'bout... I know, let's play Rock-Scissors-Paper... with Crow.
Crow: No way!
Servo: Very kind.
Joel: Why?
Crow: No, I'm not gonna play that with you. Look at my hand! See? I can only be scissors and you get rock all the time.
Joel: Well, I... It's the luck of the draw, you know?
Servo: Okay, you win everything.
Crow: Bye Joel. See ya later. Why don't you go home to your mom? I'm your friend... Not!
Servo: C'mon, let's ditch him! Dweeb...
Joel: Hey, thanks for creating me, Joel! Next time, no free will. Movie Sign.


Segment 5


Joel: Hi, everybody! It's our last segment and that means it's time for the viewer mail, and um... Why don't you read yours first, Crow?
Crow: Okay.
Joel: Put it up on the screen, Cambot.
Crow: It says "Dear Joel and Robots, I really like your show. Especially the one... the movie that was called Death Flight. The funny part was when Servo says, 'His eye needs some air!' I laughed as hard as I could. I think your robots are the best creation in the world, especially Servo."
Servo: I like it!
Crow: It must be a typo, I think.
Servo: I think... it's handwritten.
Crow: "P.S. You're all neat." Cool drawings, too. Neat!
Joel: Yeah, I got one here. And Cambot, put that one up. It's a drawing of Crow, so...
Crow: Yay!
Joel: Yeah, this one says, "Hey Joel, Gypsy, Servo and Crow, I think your show is great and very cool. Lately, I have been worried about Servo. He seems to be empty-headed and you might do something to fill his head with good thoughts." What do you think of that?
Servo: You could write me more fan letters and that would create plenty of good thoughts.
Joel: Okay, "Crow, I think you are the best even though you look like a metal baseball glove with eyes."
Servo: Heh heh heh heh!
Crow: I don't... I don't see that. No, I don't... I don't know.
Joel: "With my letter I have enclosed a picture of Crow because he is so cool."
Servo: He's the one that looks like a golf bag with eyes.
Joel: Right. Okay, now it's...
Crow: Hey, that's Mr. Golf Bag to you, buddy!
Joel: And it's time for yours now, too.
Servo: Tom Servo's female call. Umm...
Joel: Put it up, Cambot!
Servo: It's just that this letter is a lovely letter...
Joel: Oh, we got a picture in it, too.
Crow: Whew!
Servo: This lady here is madly in love with you and her friend... Mike wrote to you and says... tells you that she likes you.
Joel: Pull from the letter, Cambot.
Servo: I quote from the letter, "Although this girl is only in high school, you'll find that she is a MAGNIFICENT PAGAN SHE-BEAST." I'm liking it, I'm liking it a lot. "Her name is Amy ====== and you can write her at my address." It's wonderful, isn't it?
Joel: Okay, here's the information for the Fan Club! Keep those cards and letters comin' in.
Servo: Join the few, the proud, the elite! Join the Mystery Science Theater 3000 Fan Club, c/o TV23, 2505 Kennedy St. N.E., Minneapolis, MN 55413.
Joel: Good. Oh, and her picture stays right on the set. Did you see that? Have we got that? Anyways, see you later, folks! Thanks a lot. Bye.
Crow: Bye!



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