Experiments MSTies Anonymous SOL Post The Club MSTie Net

009 Phase IV 01/15/89
010 Cosmic Princess 01/22/89
011 Humanoid Woman 01/29/89

010 Cosmic Princess
Transcripts by tomservorobot@yahoo.com
Segment 1
Segment 2
Segment 3
Commercial Sign
Segment 4
Segment 5
010.wav "Spaceship graveyard." -Crow
"Heh. Good call." -Joel
"I could be writin' this crap!" -Crow
010a.wav "Open now. Don't shoot to kill." -Commander
"Don't shoot to kill." -Servo
"Shoot to pick off... Yeah, that's the ticket." -Crow

Segment 1

Dr. E: Aah, aah! These glasses are great! It looked like it was coming right at me!
Dr. F: It was! I just threw it to you, you idiot!
Dr. E: Oh. Clay, let's turn on Weststar 5 and look at the game!
Dr. F: Hey that's a great idea Larry, yeah. Oh, oh but if we turn the transmitter dish, we can't send Joel his weekly diet of movie drooping!
Dr. E: Who cares! Nobody's watching that weenie anyway! It's Super Bowl Sunday!
Dr. F: Oh, I know! We can use that exhilerator transmitter I bought with the money from the proceeds form those no-D glasees.
Dr. E: These are great. These are going to catch on so big! Look, I can only see length... or width.
Dr. F: Yes, and they're also...
Dr. E: A fumble...
Dr. F: ...sponsered by the American association of eye doctors and Sandy Dunkin!
Dr. E: Sandy Dunkin. Let's tune him in, let's get him.
Dr. F: Come in, Joline.
Joel: Hey, sirs. Boy, your signal's coming in kinda weak today.
Dr. E: Talk about weak, your ratings couldn't jump-start a Yugo!
Dr. F: Yeah!
Dr. E: Yeah!
Dr. F and Dr. E: Hahahaha...
Dr. F: Couldn't jump start a Yugo...
Joel: Well, I'm just waiting for this week's movie, sirs.
Dr. F: Well my little space tutu, you'll be pleased to know that we won't be wasting another motion picture on you.
Dr. E: Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999.
Dr. F: Yeah, Space: 1999!
Dr. F and Dr. E: Hahahahahaha!
Joel: You mean we're going to see Prince's "Under a Cherry Moon"?
Dr. F: Don't get your hopes up you human-headed ringball. This is nothing but a poorly acted Martin Landau series from the 70's.
Crow: Martin Landau? Wasn't he on Mission: Impossible?
Servo: Yes, and he married Barbara Bain.
Crow: Like I said, Mission: Impossible!
Joel: Oh, Movie Sign!

Segment 2

Crow: Say, who do you like in the game today?
Joel: I dunno, probaly the Niners...
Crow: Hmm, Niners yeah. I got my money on Cinci. Say, did you see Carson last night?
Joel: Yeah.
Crow: How do you like that new guy. You know that...
Joel: You mean Jay Leno?
Crow: No, uh that new guy, that black Carson.
Joel: Oh, Arsenio Hall.
Crow: Yeah, yeah that's him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's pretty good. Oops, was that your ear?
Joel: No, uh-uh.
Crow: How 'bout this!
Joel: Ow!
Crow: Oops, sorry! Little barber joke there. Hehehe. Oh, hey. Say, what do you want me to do with this cyst?
Joel: Shave around it!
Crow: Oh, okay. Hey, Gypsy! Get me the tongs! Uh say, could you put your finger right there? Yeah, yeah. Looks like we're going to commercial. I want to remember where I was. I'm gonna go get some hot towels. See ya in a bit!

Segment 3

Crow: I'm not gonna try it!
Servo: Hey, let's get Gypsy! She'll try anything.
Crow: Nah! She's too heavy; she'd fall through the bulkhead!
Servo: Okay uh, here I go. Aah!
Crow: Ah, good, good.
Servo: Sorry, I lost my head.
Crow: Next time come out of your... AAH! OH, MY GOD! OH, NO! OH, GOD NO!
Servo: Joel, get my head! This is embarrasing, Joel! Get my head!
Joel: What are you guys doing?!
Servo: Well, we were reading Darwin and we got to thinking. It said a speices would evolve a necessity over period of time.
Crow: We were just helping the process out a little...
Servo: That's a lot better, thank you.
Crow: We thought we could just you know, keep jumping until we missed the floor and then we'd be flying.
Joel: You guys can't evolve. You're machines. The only way you could change is if I outfit you with more sophisticated gear.
Servo: We're just trying to be human, and it's kind of hard without a head! Thank you.
Joel: Yeah, but you guys should know that you're not judged by your molecular structure, but how well your characters evolve.
Crow: You mean this is a feel-good segment.
Servo: We're starting to do Cosby on Mystery Science.
Crow: Hey, hey Servo, tell me again about those mango juice-rubbing babes.
Servo: Well...
Crow: I'll get it.
Servo: I lost my head again!
Joel: Well, remind me never to let the 'Bots run another segement... We got Movie Sign!

Commercial Sign

Dr. E: Hi! I'm Dr. Lawrence Erhardt!
Dr. F: And I'm Dr. Clayton Forrester!
Dr. E: Pizza!
Dr. F: Pasta!
Dr. E: Pizza!
Dr. F: Pizza and Pasta!
Dr. E: "Pizza & Pasta"! Nothing artificial here! Real cheese! Real meat! That's the "Pizza & Pasta" pledge!
Dr. F: That's right! Our pals at "Pizza & Pasta" pizza made this pizza so we can eat it at lunch!
Dr. E: Thanks, Pete! Thanks, Paul! "Pizza & Pasta" -- Mmm-mmm, good!
Dr. F: Pretty good pizza and pasta, too!
Dr. E: Mmm!
Dr. F: Mmm!
Dr. E: Pizza!
Dr. F: Yummy noise!
Dr. E: Hahahaha!
Dr. F: You made a yummy noise!
Dr. E: Hahaha... Made a yummy noise?!
Dr. F: 'Cause you're hungry...!

Segment 4

Servo: Thanks alot, mister! "Hey, we can jump off the table and fly!" I look like an idiot!
Crow: No! It looks good! You can hardly tell!
Servo: The babes won't go wild anymore!
Crow: Besides, medical expenses are tax deductable.
Servo: Tax deductable, okay.
Crow: Let's see. Line 19: Moving expenses. "You can take this deduction if you've moved in connection of your job or buisness and your change in job location has added at least 35 miles to the distance from your old home or your work place." Uh, let's see... Servo, is this more than 35 miles?
Servo: Horizontal or vertical?
Crow: Uh...
Servo: Yes, say yes... It's more I guess... yes.
Crow: Yeah, I'll put down yes. "If you've begun work in a new workplace outside the United States, get form 3903S." Oh, well it looks like another trip to the post office.
Servo: Brother. I'd like to see him try to audit us!
Crow: Let's see, add totals of line 19 to 11 and put the results on Line 22G. Boy, no wonder Joel has us doing his taxes. I've never done something this taxing in all my life!
Servo: Hahaha! Hey, what does it say there? He's claiming three robots as buisness expenses?!
Crow: Buisness expenses?! Boy, nice to know you're appreciated...
Crow and Servo: Oh, cheese it!
Joel: Hey, you guys. How's it going on my 10W40?
Crow: Oh, so-so.
Servo: We're not doing too badly for... deductions.
Joel: What?!
Crow: Yeah, now that we're officially "buisness expenses," perhaps we should be wearing ties around here and demanding maintenance contracts.
Joel: Oh, you guys don't understand. The government makes me claim you guys as deductions. I have to because you don't have social security numbers.
Servo: But Joel, we are dependent! We depend on your bad movies!
Crow: Yeah, and we depend on your lame jokes, too!
Joel: Hey, you guys can't take it so personally. I have to claim you guys or else they'll throw me in jail.
Servo: At least you'd be off this satellite! Oh, it's the Movie Sign!
Joel: Movie Sign!

Segment 5

Joel: Okay, you guys, we're going to do this one. It's called the economy six-play. Okay now, Gypsy, you're gonna hike me the ball; you're the center. Now give me some protection on the line; they're killing me back there. Okay, you go long and do a post, okay?
Crow: Right.
Joel: Thirty-nine! Twenty-nine! Hike! Go long! Good! Good! Yeah!
Crow: Yeah!
Joel: He got it, yeah! We are the champions, my friends...
Gypsy: I'm the friends! I'm the friends!
Crow: I did it! I did it!
Joel: And we'll go on fighting 'til the end...
Joel and Gypsy: We are the champions, we are the champions...
Joel: No time for losers, but don't forget to call us, 'cause we are the champions...
Gypsy: Hey, look! Our number: 623-7655! Talk to Joel! Give him a call!
Crow: Quick, kick me in the head! Back off, jackal! Ah, tickle monster!
Gypsy: Hahahahaha!

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