||Gamera vs. Gaos
||Gamera vs. Zigra
Joel: Hey, thanks and welcome to Mystery Science Theater 3000. This is our sixth transmission from the Satellite of Love. Thanks a lot for calling in. And by the way, why not play a joke on your friends: call 'em up and ask 'em to watch the show. Your eyes won't believe what your hands have done. Hiya, Gypsy!
Joel: What's shakin'?
Gypsy: Phone calls.
Joel: Oh, yeah, that's right. Phone calls. Thanks a lot for all your calls in. And by the way, all you scary guys with the low IQs, don't call anymore because you're scaring Gypsy.
Gypsy: Yeah, grow a brain already.
Gypsy: Let's hear some phone calls.
Joel: Okay, Cambot? Can you give me a blue starfield with bold Helvetica type. Give it to me one time on the heavyweight.
Viewer: 7:54 PM. Gamera the flying turtle is pretty neat I must admit, but 2 weeks in a row is a little ridiculous.
Joel: Yeah, we agree with you. There's really nothing we can do about it, is that right Gypsy?
Joel: Okay, so we'll tell you the truth: we can't really control any of the films that comes down to Earth. Cambot, do you have those guys on still-store? Okay, let's see them.
Gypsy: Aaaaah! Aaaaah! Aaaaah! Aaaaah!
Joel: That's the guys who control what films we get down on Earth: Dr. Clayton Forrester and Dr. Lawrence Erhardt.
Gypsy: Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Joel: Yeah, I know. Just like at cadet school, they taught us two Gameron movies is ridiculous, but three Gameron movies is a Gameron film festival.
Gypsy: Joel says when you have lemons, you make lemonade.
Joel: Right. We've got to make the most of it up here. Anyways, the film is Gamera vs. Gaos... And that is a giant pterodactyl. There is some speculation between Gameron experts that this could be a... the Barugon from a couple films back, the giant lizard with the battering-ram tongue with wings taped on. You be the judge. We got Movie Sign! See you on the other side, everybody.
Joel: I think I'm gonna change that algorithm to just "master of the known world" would be better. But anyway, turn around. I got my manual here and I'm gonna change your voice. We're gonna work on it. Just sing something, okay? And we can see what happens as the voice changes.
Joel: Hey, Servo buddy. I'm glad you dropped by. You know why?
Joel: 'Cause today, my friend, you go through puberty.
Servo: Puberty? Does that mean I'm gonna start perspiring and growing hair in weird places?
Joel: No, it just means that I'm getting tired of your voice and it's time to change it, okay?
Servo: Will it hurt?
Joel: Of course not.
Servo: Oh, here it comes! Here it comes! Beep! Anything you say, Joel Hodgson, sir, master giver of all things good, gracious host and friendly neighbor, not a bad cartoonist, governor, leige, lord of all.
Servo: Picture yourself in a boat on the river with tangerine trees and marmalade sky.
Joel: That's a Chipmunks.
Servo: Hello, hi there! When somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly, the girl with kaleidoscope eyes.
Joel: That's Dr. Ruth.
Servo: Very nice, very nice girl indeed. Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly, the girl with kaleidoscope eyes. Mr. President, the world as we know it will be ending very soon.
Joel: Kissinger. Okay, let's try...
Servo: Lucy in the sky with diamonds! Oh! Lucy...
Servo: ...in the sky with diamonds! Lucy in the sky with diamonds!
Joel: Oh, that's Droopy, isn't it?
Joel: Oh, that's Carol Channing. Anyway.
Servo: Lucy in the sky with diamonds! Lucy in the sky with diamonds!
Joel: Elmer Fudd, okay.
Servo: Lucy in the sky with diamonds!
Joel: Who's that?
Joel: Oh, Ethel Merman. Ethel Merman. Okay.
Servo: Lucy in the... Joel!
Joel: What's that?
Servo: Joel! Joel! This is great! This is the powerful, FM big radio voice I've always dreamed of! Hey, baby, this is Tom Servo calling.
Joel: Oh, I dunno.
Servo: Don't touch me! This is great! It's the great, dynamic, mighty voice as powerful as the day is long. C'mon, Hodgy, let me keep it.
Joel: Okay, but just watch yourself because, uh... One false move and I could just change it at the drop of a hat.
Servo: Okay, let me take us to commercial. We'll be right back after these messages. This is Tom Servo announcing.
Gypsy: Joel! Change my voice, too. I want to be a powerful guy like Tom Servo.
Joel: Oh, you don't want to be like Tom Servo. You got a great voice, Gypsy!
Gypsy: I do?
Joel: Yeah, it's kinda deep and sexy. Uh, I think it reminds me of Kim Kearns.
Gypsy: Kim Kearns, really?
Gypsy: You know, that's kinda what I've been going for all along.
Joel: Hey, uh, Cambot. Let's show that message that we got and wanted to show.
Viewer: 7:34 PM. Wow, again we really like the show, but we miss umm, uhh, who...
Viewer 2: Servo.
Viewer: Who, Servo, no uh Gypsy, and uh, and Crow. I don't know why you froze Crow. It was a bad idea. Unfreeze Crow. Get Crow out there and bring Gypsy in and let's see all three of you commenting on it, because that's even better. Um, what else? Oh, and the American General from earlier in the show, he was definitely the best character that's ever been on any of the Gamera series! Okay, buh-bye.
Joel: Well, we've had a lot of people calling in about where's Crow. And as you know, last week, Crow volunteered to be cryogenetically [sic] frozen...
Gypsy: Yay, Crow!
Joel: ...to be our Christmas tree here on the Satellite of Love. And Cambot, let's show the file tape on that, too. I'd like to see that.
Crow: Hey, Joel! I looked up suspeneded animation in the dictionary and I don't think this is going to be any good at a- aaaaaah!
Joel: See, I told you guys it would work.
Joel: Yeah. So anyway, Crow's frozen. He's beginning to thaw. Just to... He'll be out just in time for the... our uh, New Year's Eve special on Channel 23.
Joel: Yeah, and it's right after TV23's fabulous Melon Drop, so you'll want to tune in to that, too.
Gypsy: At midnight!
Joel: Yeah, what is this?
Gypsy: What? What? Oh.
Joel: Why, you took Crow's garland! I knew it!
Gypsy: No, it's shiny spaghetti.
Joel: Oh, everything looks like shiny spaghetti to you. We got Movie Sign! Let's beat it! Ah!
Joel: That's plenty, Cambot. Anyway, boy who called last week, have a really happy birthday. We can't be there because that's one of the disadvantages of being marooned in space. But have a happy birthday anyway. We decorated the satellite, right, Servo?
Viewer: Hi, this is the boy that called last week. I was wondering if you could come over for my birthday party? It's next week Sunday. My address is B(beeeeeeep) Ave. Minneapolis. I was wondering if you could come over with some of your robots for my birthday because I would really like to have you. Of course, if you can make it, you can come anytime.
Joel: Got any messages for our boy? Birthday boy?
Servo: Yes I do. Remember, little boy: if I can leave you with one birthday message, it is... Greet each day with a mighty roar. And always know what time it is. And wear Old Spice. Walk briskly to and from your job, and remember: neatness counts. Fill your head with candy. You are how you look. Me? I'm a gumball machine! I embrace that and my colleagues respect me for it. Heed this advice and maybe, just maybe, you'll grow up to be like me, Tom Servo.
Joel: Allright, well you'd better watch that voice of yours. You remember what I said. Uh-oh, we got Movie Sign! Let's beat it!
Joel: You know, that reminds me that we won't be on Christmas Day either. TV23 is running some special holiday programming. But to make up for it, we'll be doing a special edition of MST3000 on New Year's Eve at twelve o'clock.
Joel: Well, Servo! So that ends another Gameron film.
Servo: Yes, and the old ticker on the wall says it's time to go. But for Joel Hodgson and his robot pals, there would come another day. Gypsy! Joel! Crow, who's frozen. And me, Tom Servo.
Servo: Right you are, Joel Hodgson! Cambot, give it to me one time, buddy boy! Yes, it's a special evening of comedy right here on TV23. First, it's Scott Hansen's Freeze Dried Comedy Special at ten o'clock followed at eleven by TV's 23 23rd Annual New Year's Eve Extravaganza Golden Jubilee. And then, at the stroke of midnight, it's a special New Year's edition of Mystery Science Theater 3000. An action-packed evening of high-tech hijinks, right here on good ol' KTMA TV23. This has been Tom Servo announcing. Goodnight, and God speed.
Joel: Merry Christmas, everybody.
Servo: I love this voice!
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