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004 Gamera vs. Barugon 12/04/88
005 Gamera 12/11/88
006 Gamera vs. Gaos 12/18/88



005 Gamera
Segment 1
Segment 2
Segment 3
Segment 4
Segment 5
005.wav "That would be... his foot. No, that's his head." -Joel 109k



Segment 1


Joel: Hey, everybody. You know on Earth, it's around holiday time and I'm starting to decorate the Satellite of Love, as you can see... Crow volunteered to be cryogenetically [sic] frozen 'cause we don't have any spruce trees on the Satellite of Love. Se we decorated him and um, let's see... Cambot, I think we got some digitized footage of he preserved the moment in pictures yesterday, so why don't you run that and show what happened when we froze him.
Crow: Hey, Joel! I looked up suspeneded animation in the dictionary and I don't think this is going to be any good at a- aaaaaah!
Joel: See, I told you guys it would work. Anyway, we had such a great response from showing the Gameron vs. Barugon film, which is about the giant turtle facing off with the giant lizard with the giant battering-ram tongue, that I dug into the archives and found the original Gameron, subtitled "Gamera: EP." Anyway, you'll believe a giant, mutated turtle can fly. We got Movie Sign! I'll see you on the other side!


Segment 2


Joel: Heya, Servo! How ya doin'?
Servo: Hello, Joel! Hey. I almost tipped over there.
Joel: How ya doin'?
Servo: Hmm, well. Hey! So that's what a tree on Earth looks like.
Joel: Yeah.
Servo: I like the way the barium frost matches his left-lower mandible fluid stabilizer. It's very refreshing and stylish all around. I'm pleased you picked Crow to freeze.
Joel: Yeah, well it was completely an aesthetic decision, Servo. Ya know, he's the most spinly of you robots and it looks the most like a tree on Earth. Ya know?
Servo: And thank goodness for that!
Joel: Well, don't get too uppity, because I've been scouting you for maybe the Frosty the Snowman carbon... Yeah, cryogenetically-sealed [sic] lawn ornament to be strapped to the hull, maybe next year.
Servo: Beep! Anything to serve you, Joel, my master figurehead and center of my life. Beep! Joel, I really hate it when you program me to answer that way.
Joel: Yeah, well it's just what I do sometimes. It's just what I like to do. Anyway, Cambot, could you...
Servo: Twisted.
Joel: Maybe, but Cambot, can you put us up maybe... Let's have a Punky Brewster slate. We're going to do a phone message here. And do the lettering in bold Helvetica on the CG on two, now!
Viewer: You still haven't said who does your hair...
Servo: Uh-oh.
Joel: He didn't watch the credits last week, did he? Some of you know what we mean. Cambot, let's roll the credits and stop at the thing we're looking for? Also, people, it's not the end of the show. We're just showing the credits. Okay, let's see that.
Servo: Remember. Everything's rolling along nicely. That's you! Hey, that's you again...
Joel: Yup.
Servo: Josh Weinstein... What's a puppet operator, Joel?
Joel: Uh, nothing really.
[Hair Designs: Mr. Crow of Beverly Hills]
Joel: See, there it is! There it is.
Servo: Maybe watch next time!


Segment 3


Viewer: You have a very good show. Why don't you hire Godzilla or something? He'd be pretty good.
Joel: Alright, thanks for calling in! We appreciate you callers and keep the calls coming in 'cause we really appreciate it. It helps us keep what we got going going. Anyway, that gives me an idea! Gypsy, why don't you do that impression that you do?
Gypsy: Huh?
Joel: You know, the one we worked on at dinnertime last night.
Gypsy: Wha-?
Joel: You know, Godzilla!
Gypsy: Nah! Nooooo...
Joel: Don't worry, honey. C'mon it's funny. I think it's funny.
Gypsy: Embarassing.
Joel: No, c'mon, do it. It's cute.
Gypsy: Allright, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Joel: Just do it.
Gypsy: Okay. Okay. Boom! Boom! Boom. Boom. ROAR!!!
Joel: Yeah, that's good. See, you did a good job, didn't you? That's good, honey. Anyway, a lot of people have recognized that this first Gameron film is in black and white and since there's been so much controversy over Ted Turner colorizing all those classic MGM movies, I thought it'd be time to do a popular opinion survey. Use your phones: call us at 623-7655. And now, Cambot, could you put the messages up on the screen? Or the quiz questions? First quiz question is: Is Ted Turner dumb enough to colorize the beginning of "The Wizard of Oz"?
Gypsy: Call in with your answer!
Joel: Right. Question number two: Does it bother Ted Turner that people watch his colorized films on black & white TV?
Gypsy: Let us know what you think!
Joel: Question number three: Given Ted's obsession with colorizing things, is it possible he's the unwanted love child of Ike & Tina Turner?!
Gypsy: Give us a call! Tell us your answer!
Joel: Now give us a call at 623...
Gypsy: 623...
Joel: 76...
Gypsy: 76...
Joel: 55.
Gypsy: 55.
Joel: Or just do a message with us. Anyway, we got Movie Sign! Let's go! See ya.


Segment 4


Joel: Allright, we got another message! A couple more, actually, Servo. So let's, Cambot, can you give it to me up on the blue chicken slate that you got in the archives?
Servo: Helvetica bold.
Joel: Yeah, and give it to me one at a time, heavy on the 30-weight, my friend.
Viewer: Joel, I'm a member of the coalition of friends for giant mutant turtles and I'm just glad you showed this movie tonight to help promote our cause. Yeeach! And you know giant mutant turtles aren't really all that bad, you know, they breathe fire and ship, you know, and they're really good at weenie roasts and stuff. And I want to thank you for showing the movie again.
Joel: And, Servo, just to show we don't play favorites around here, Mystery Science Theater...
Servo: There's an "and"?
Joel: What?
Servo: There's an "and"? My God...
Joel: An "and"? Anyway, just to show we don't play favorites, here's a message from the other side of the fence. This time, Cambot, give it to me on the globe slate and a bold Helvetica type again.
Viewer: Yeah, Joel, I'm from the friends of the coalition for giant, slimy lizards with long, nasty tongues and we think that the turtle coalition is way out of line. The fight was rigged, if you didn't see it... You saw it. The fight looked like it was rigged. The turtle had a couple of low blows there and we don't think it's right. So we're going to stage a protest in front of your house...
Joel: Well, I'm no giant, mutated turtle wrestling commisioner, but I do know what I like. And that's plenty of action, fast and furious. Isn't it?
Servo: Yup, no holds barred action! Cambot, put up the footage so we can make a decision!
Joel: Yeah, put up the footage so we can make a couple quick decisions.
Servo: Show it! Show it!
Joel: Now here's the hold in contention, right here, the tail-hold.
Servo: Tail! Tail! He got him by the tail!
Joel: Back-breaker, comin' up!
Servo: Oh, the burning hell breath.
Joel: But he's got the bulk and can withstand that kind of treatment. Luckily. Uh-oh, battering comes...
Servo: Uh-oh, he's turning, oh!
Joel: He's turtle meat.
Servo: He's rolled into the lake.
Joel: He's getting ready for the flying suplex...
Servo: He's tucked into his shell! It's a good decoy!
Joel: Headbutt, man! Can we expect a headbutt? Uh-oh.
Servo: Uh-oh, slammed in the face! Can that be right?
Joel: Well, actually. What do you think of that, Servo?
Servo: Well, there were some discrepencies. But all in all, I'd say fair fight.
Joel: That's what I'd say. We got Movie Sign! See you on the other side.


Segment 5


Joel: Hey, allrighter! Hey, hiya Gypsy! C'mon over here! Yeah. Hey, everybody. Thanks a lot for calling in. We really appreaciate it up here on the Satellite of Love, don't we Gypsy?
Gypsy: Yeah!
Joel: Anyway, Cambot, could you put that number on the screen now? It's 623-7655. Give us a call and give us your responses. Anyway, doesn't the tree look great, Gypsy?
Gypsy: That's not a tree, that's Crow!
Joel: Well, yeah. But we can't... We don't actually have an actual tree up on the ship.
Gypsy: What happened?
Joel: Well, why don't we run the footage again, Cambot? And we'll show 'em that.
Crow: Hey, Joel! I looked up suspeneded animation in the dictionary and I don't think this is going to be any good at a- aaaaaah!
Joel: See, I told you guys it would work.
Gypsy: Well, it's not really beautiful, but why?
Joel: Well, because we have a Christmas tree on Earth to represent a special time of giving. That's Christmas! It's to celebrate how the wise men came and gave gifts to the savior child.
Gypsy: Gifts!
Joel: Yeah.
Gypsy: Well, what if you're Jewish?
Joel: Well, if you're Jewish, then you celebrate Hannukah. And the kids who are Jewish get to exchange gifts, too. And that represents another miracle where the lamp in the temple burned for eight days. And it only had enough fuel for one.
Gypsy: Oil! Hmm. Fuel. Hmm. Hannukah, Christmas, you be the judge.
Joel: Let's sing that song "O Tannenbaum."
Joel and Gypsy: O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum, how lovely are your branches...



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